Over the last few days I’ve been given multiple opportunities to heal old messages that have been running in the background making it hard for me to love myself.
Lately I’ve accepted that my beliefs about myself (thoughts and perceptions that made me feel bad about who and how I am) weren’t my personality flaws. They were actually just symptoms of neurodivergence.
I share my stories because I feel they can be instrumental in helping you—or someone you know—recognize similarities that will also support you in dismantling incorrect and hurtful perceptions of yourself.
Press play to check out today’s podcast episode, or read on for more context, then press play to listen.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
Yesterday one of the main stories that was being shifted was around self trust. The question I’ve been certain of the answer to for most of my life is am I reliable and the answer was an automatic and very passionate hell no.
After yesterday’s events a two-part story if you will I was convinced that I was reliable when things went right and back to unreliable when things went wrong but a conversation with myself the version of me I refer to as my quote inner adults quotes led me to realize that I don’t only blame myself for the things I do and don’t do I also blame myself for the things that are completely outside of my control.
If you are a person who is very much inclined toward noticing everything you do wrong rather than right, this episode is for you.
Well that’s a lie. I wrote it. And sent it. He intercepted it.
Said it was too harsh Would’ve hurt you Or destroyed you But what did he do As your words destroyed me?
Funny how time changes Some things But some people Only seem to change But the strange thing On deeper inspection is They remain the same.
I changed Less resentful More willing More mindful More accepting More understanding So. You. Get. More. Peace.
But if I’m the same And unwilling And unbending Constantly reminding Of how the old you And how you were then Is still etched in my brain
Then you’re angry Like I hit you I’m all bruises You play the victim “I did my best You were a mess You had it easier than me.”
I can forgive And let go Be the Mature One Take the high road Let you be a jerk And I do the work While all you do is live
And I’ll give grace And I’ll be kind Roll it off my back One more time Blame your childhood Guess your reasons And smile in your face ……….
And, yeah, they’re still wrong And they hurt you And they don’t claim What you’ve been through That’s the old them And that’s on you They’re taking no blame
And your healing And your feelings And the joys… Hurt’s been stealing The high love walls And failed trust falls Are all yours to bear
Cuz what you know now You didn’t know then You’re the lone one Who’s actively healing Can’t control them Gotta let them And focus on you
So bump the letter Just forget her Grieve the version Who’ll never be her Release the dream her See the real her That’s what helped me feel better.
09/26/26
I let it flow…. so there’s kind of a pattern but also not. I edited half to change pronouns for clarity and to make it more honest. I’m not sure which I preferred, but I liked not getting lost in who’s who once I made those adjustments. Initially “you” was used to refer to multiple people and it made it hard to follow, so I ditched the ambiguity for clarity and I’m okay with that. I’m also okay with seeing this more as journaling with style so it takes the pressure off to be perfect and releases me from the perfectionist urge to go back in and make every other stanza rhyme the same way and follow the same pattern. This way is more honest. And I like to be as authentic as possible, while honoring that I’m gonna read this later and I want it to make sense.
This section was more for me—and to satisfy my inner critic that demands perfection. This is as good as it’s getting and I’m proud of this free flow of poetry. I needed a creative release so this came right on time.
Thanks Dan Tricarico for sharing the writing prompt. This was cathartic.
Watch programming FROM other cultures, not just ABOUT other cultures.
If all you know about people that are different from you is what the news, Hallmark, movies and TV programs show you, you’re probably walking around with all kinds of stupid beliefs.
You don’t know Black people because you watch Maury, Baddies, or the news any more than I know white people by watching Breaking Bad, Jersey Shore, and The Beverly Hillbillies. I’m intelligent enough to know that just because tv and movies show me a certain version of people’s behavior it doesn’t mean all the people who look like that, talk like that, and live in those places act exactly the same.
Goodness, in my own family… my own household… there are numerous personalities. Why would I think that all people of a certain color, who have a certain accent, who live in a certain part of the world ALL act the same???? That’s stupid.
The ignorance that creates division and prejudice in society is conditioned by the powers that be. They control what we see and don’t see. They choose what movies to fund and which to never make it to the screen. They decide which news stories air and which go unnoticed. They paint the picture of what each culture looks like, what we envision when we picture a certain country, and what feelings come up when a specific demographic is named.
We are conditioned to believe certain things about certain people by tv programs. Our fears, expectations, beliefs and “certainty” about how “those people” live, act, interact, is all PROGRAMMED by the media. And those who are in power where we live control what we see…. unless we choose to look outside of what they offer.
If we don’t investigate for ourselves: read books, meet/interact online with people from other countries, watch programming from other cultures, engage with people with curiosity, rather than certainty….
If we don’t question how something like the color of ones skin, the neighborhood they happened to be born in, the status of their citizenship, automatically wires them to be this or that…
If we don’t start to look at nature and see the similarities in all living beings and recognize that humans naturally follow similar patterns…
If we don’t start noticing that if a brown egg and a white egg both have the same contents inside, that a brown cow and a spotted cow, or a black horse, a white horse, and a speckled horse….
… we will continue to think the most ignorant, hurtful things about those we don’t know, we will continue to put our trust in leaders who have their own best interests at heart, we’ll miss out on the most beautiful aspects of life…. the variety, the new experiences, the bliss of learning new ways to be, exist, live.
If we don’t seek to learn about who we’ve been taught to be afraid of—not from those who fear them, but from the people themselves— we will always, and only, see each other through the lens they place before our eyes.
…. we will continue to lose at the game they’ve created for us… the game that keeps the 1% way up there, and us all fighting way down here. There are more of us than them. But a house divided cannot stand. And they count on that.
This is the reason why in a nation that should be so evolved, all these -isms still exist.
We have to start noticing that the things we believe about each other must be coming from the same source, because there’s only one group that we’re not taught to distrust. It might make sense that they’re the ones spreading the rumors about the rest of us.
We will never come together if we continue to believe what we’ve been told about each other. Divide and conquer is the oldest trick in the book. And we’re being, and have been, programmed to look at each other as the enemy. But the true enemy is the one programming us all.
Okay, some women… well… some hetero women… Just let me explain…
What often gets lost in the shuffle are the intentions that sparked that go-getter perspective. It’s not that provision doesn’t matter. It’s that provision without presence erodes relationships.
If you’re a man who’s doing all he can to provide and you seem to get nothing but complaints about you not being home, this is for you. I’m on your side. Press play below.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
I think this may be the first in a series. I feel like there’s more to be said, but I believe this is a good start to this conversation. I want to see more understanding in relationships and help support healthy communication. I feel that many relationships end over poor communication. And this topic is a big one in a lot of relationships.
This is not a lecture… at all. I’m just sharing a story and I hope it helps make things a little clearer. Just check it out.
Thanks for being here. Let me know if this helps or if you have questions you’d like me to address. That could be fun. You can comment below.
BTW… I’m offering this as support for those who needed to hear this. If you do not agree or feel supported by this message, it’s not for you. I am never here to debate. This is just my perspective and around here I don’t do the back and forth. If you don’t like my opinion, there are many other bloggers and podcasters you may better align with. No need to comment. Also, feel free to check out some of my other blog posts and podcast episodes. You may find something there that you like. Blessings!
