When Your Survival Tactic Threatens Your Survival

Today, I realized that my greatest survival skill is the thing that’s making my survival very challenging.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist’s quote: “Many of us do such a great job of masking that when we reach out for support they don’t believe we need it,” displayed in large, bold white lettering over a person holding a white theatrical mask beside their face, wearing a shiny black jacket with lapels under dramatic red and blue lighting. “Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist” appears in white script at the top, @marlenedillonempowerment appears near the center, the Share & Let’s Live! podcast logo appears in the lower right corner, and the footer displays “mdillondesigns.com/blog”
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
UPDATE: When I first posted I added the wrong audio, because I was way too tired. Here’s the correct one.

Neurodivergent masking is so common, but what if pretending you’re not struggling causes people to assume you don’t need help? Imagine a person living with blindness had developed a skill to appear as if they aren’t blind. Maybe a parent taught them to so that people wouldn’t take advantage of them. They’re so good at doing things as if they can see that people can’t tell that they’re actually blind. Now, imagine they always take the elevator in their work building, but it’s not working today, so they need to take the stairs. They’ve never needed the stairs before, so they don’t know the route. The doorman, clerk, co-workers, etc. see them walk easily to the elevator everyday. So they say, “No,” when the person asks for help. They don’t know the route. They need the help, but no one can see that they really need support.

That’s what my successes and what I’ve done/created has done for me. People see all I’ve done and assume that I am struggling because I’m just not trying hard enough. And the reality is that I’m drowning, asking for help, and not receiving it. I’m waving from the center of the ocean and everyone’s on the shore waving back, not realizing I am out here fighting for my life.

I could say more here, but then the podcast would be pointless, so I’ll just say please press play.

Oh… and random funny ADHD side note:
Somewhere in this podcast I totally started making a point, took an offramp, and never finished the thought. 😂 The fact that I’m talking about the symptoms of ADHD when it happened makes it even funnier. If you find it, comment found it, and I’ll circle back and complete the thought in the comments.

Anywho….

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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War & Peace

Me: I just need more peace.

Inner Me: What if your power is in your war?

Can’t say I was happy with that, but it made sense. As much as I hate all I go through, without it I couldn’t relate it tell stores that help people heal, find their own path, and recognize their own journey.

I feel I have purpose and much of that purpose has been birthed out of these low moments….

I have helped more people because of my relatability. My ability to even know what to say to comfort someone is due to my low moments.

I think of all the people Mychal the Librarian is helping by merely being honest about his struggles with mental health. People are being more honest now about struggles they’ve been dealing with quietly in the shadows. People who had no idea what to do are receiving ideas on how to deal with what’s been going on with them. The shame that I’ve was therapy (seeing a therapist) is now normalized in conversation.

Simone Biles choosing on a grand stage that she was stepping away from the Olympics for her safety had the United States in an uproar, as people called her weak and wrong for shirking her responsibilities, while others applauded her for her bravery to do what was in her best interests despite the pressure. So many, now, have her as a reference when they know they need to take time off but are tempted to risk their health and press through.

Jenifer Lewis, one of my favorite actors, who’s been in the business for decades was one of the first celebrities to be open and honest about her diagnoses and struggles with her own mental health and the importance of going to therapy. As a Black woman, well known in our community for the numerous important roles she’s played, her voice mattered. In Black communities therapy was not a welcomed topic. We have a long history of being taken advantage of, harmed, and misused by the medical community. That alone, not to mention the cost of therapy was enough to let us be okay suffering in silence. We’d learned to not trust them and fear therapy. Her voice is a powerful and trusted one. If Jenifer Lewis is saying she goes and it’s okay, maybe it’s safe and worth a try.

I share my stories, experiences, and insights I gain along the way because I believe there is value in our testimonies. I believe we are here for each other. And it’s worth it to me to be vulnerable and share my personal business if it can help you navigate life with more clarity.

Many years ago when I attended church my pastor said words that’s really stuck with me. He said, “God lives you too much to let you go through for no reason.” I held on to that, even as my views on religion have evolved. I still choose to believe that what I do through has purpose. And if I can find value in my ear maybe, just maybe, it can help bring you some peace.

I’ll double back later to fix typos. Than you for being here.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Your Opinion Has Nothing to Do with Me

Today, I caught myself (well, noticed I was) judging myself by someone else’s standard.

Because this person has been so vocal sharing their opinions of me as as a parent for such a long time, when this morning wasn’t following the typical approved routine, I envisioned what an argument between us would look like.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist’s quote: “If I don’t agree with your life philosophy, why should I care about your opinion of me or my life choices?” appears in large, bold white lettering with a dark drop shadow over a woman with natural hair wearing a bright orange sweater, her arms crossed and one hand under her chin as she looks to the side against a pink background. “Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist” appears in white script at the top, @marlenedillonempowerment appears across the lower center, and the footer displays “mdillondesigns.com/blog”
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

I’m not sure if you ever do this, but a little too often I drift off into my imagination and have mock disagreements. They’re usually sparked by events that I know have led to arguments in the past.

Well, anywho, I was having one of these mock arguments in my head and I found myself saying, “Well, I’m just not a good ______ like you.” And that’s when I realized what I’d been doing for years. I was letting their opinion of me—that aligns with the opinion of so many others—seep into me and my opinion of myself, even though I don’t agree with their philosophy. And that realization left me thinking, “Why should I care about your opinion of me and my life choices?” when we are clearly not aligned.

So on today’s podcast I share a few stories (including this one) with this idea in mind that it doesn’t make sense to judge ourselves by someone’s standard while disagreeing with their philosophy.

Get ready to giggle with me. 😂 I may, or may not, have spilled a little tea and shared a little more of my business than expected.

Enjoy! Press play above.

Blessings!

I Get Lonely Too

By Marlene Dillon

When their birthdays come. I feel some kind of way. I prioritized them and they just walked away.

I know it doesn’t matter. And I should feel no shame. But I wonder did I matter. And was I the one to blame.

We have the right to choose. The ones who’re most aligned. But why’s it never me? Why’s it not my time?

I love so fully and completely. I’m always all in. I know they are not like me but I just want to win.

I know they never matched me. I know I tried, ignored. The fact that it’s not working. That I made them my lord.

I lost myself just trying. To keep them near my side. Let go of all that mattered. Ignored my inner guide.

And I don’t want them with me. So bad for me it’s true. But I still get lonely. And if not them then who?

I don’t want them beside me. But once it felt so new. So full of promise, hopeful. Like I got to love, too.

And now I’ve raised my standard. Won’t be with those who lie. Who cheat, pretend to love me. Who use me while I try.

To be the best, their person. Their heart, their reason why. Contort myself, be pretzel. Forget myself, ally.

I help them feel protected, loved, seen, and held and heard. I dote on them, connected, while they say not a word.

I am all in so focused. Become my sun and earth. While they live life, ignore me. So different from at first.

Make me regret my wall’s down. My kindness and my trust. Build that wall up. It’s time now. It was not meant for us.

Through every iteration. I love me more is true. But years of “but it’s my fault” is so hard to undo.

Can see so clear it’s not right. Not meant. Not good for me. But also hear “Not worthy.” And you’ll never be.

Odd words when you empower. But two things can be true. I help you find your power. But I am just like you.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Sometimes in the mornings I free write. I call it steam of consciousness writing. (I did not coin that term.) It’s a form of writing where you just let the words flow without editing. I love when I’m able to create something like this, a cathartic, honest, beautiful piece that really gets to the soul of me and let’s me unburden through words or rhyme.

I’ve been a little heavy lately, missing companionship. And I guess it needed to come out. Glad I let it.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here.

If you don’t know much about me, please take a sec and check out my about page here, or my new connect page (kinda like my linktree) here.

Blessings!