I saw this post yesterday and it was so true for me.
One thing I’ve become painfully aware of is how much energy it takes for me to “people.” Interacting with others all day, as a person with social anxiety, is draining AF. Simple things like sending an email or making a phone call can take weeks off prep because my internal dual is set to “don’t f*ck this up. Going to the grocery store requires me to sit in the parking lot for twenty minutes before I go in, and sometimes an additional hour or more after shopping. Navigating conversations and supporting loved ones through their own life situations, plus just the general day-to-day responsibilities leave me feeling depleted. So when the weekend hits, I just want to be alone, with no one requesting anything from me.
It’s really NOT even personal. It’s just what I need… two days of just me.
As an introverted neurodivergent human, I go through most of my week feeling like a fish out of water, or better yet, like a human who can’t swim being held under water. The constant demands of interacting so week are very unnatural for me, but I do it because that’s life.
I survive the Monday through Friday and come up for air on weekends. So when people plan events on the weekends, and expect me to attend, they are often disappointed. Occasionally, I will show up and support, but holding my breath through the weekend drains my reserves for the following week.
Since I know people need me, count on me, and I generally appreciate being there for my loved ones, I rarely fully reset on the weekends. I take a free hours to myself, or sleep in on a Saturday, but what I truly need is a FULL weekend of alive time in order to reset.
For the last few weekends, I’ve been saying, “Yes,” and showing up. And that lack of alone time has accumulated. Peopling demands have been on high for weeks. My weekends have included moments I couldn’t/wouldn’t miss. And my reset kept getting pushed off.
When Friday night hit, I knew I had to go no contact. I had to hold my boundaries this weekend, or I’d lose my mind. So that’s what I did (am doing). I put a post-it note on my bedroom door saying that for my mental health I’m unavailable for the full two days. And even though I feel guilty, I can’t keep giving out of my emptiness.
I can’t hold my breath any longer. For my mental health I had to come up for air.
And as much as I hate for people to feel they can’t rely on me, for the sake of my sanity, I’ve gotta do what’s best for me.
I don’t care what’s going on, I am completely shut down and inaccessible. Hurt feelings will heal, but I can’t continue to risk my sanity for anyone’s comfort. That’s just too high a price to pay.
So many of us game made a habit of being the village bonfires. We’re constantly setting ourselves on fire to ensure those we love stay warm. But what about us? We have needs, too.
If you’re the person who gives and gives and gives, and rarely ever receives, take care of yourself. Sometimes saying “no” is best. At some point we have to decide that we matter, too. We give in ways that people would never give to us. And if we want to still be here, we have to learn to give to ourselves, even if it hurts some feelings. We are human and it internal resources can run out.
Be good to yourself. Take your reset unapologetically.
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
mdillondesigns.com
MDillon Designs & Publishing 