Most of the beliefs that we hold about who we are, how people treat us and how life works came from guesses we made in childhood. We watched people as they interacted with each other (and us), their body language, facial expressions, shifts in mood/energy, etc. and made decisions about the causes of each effect.
These meanings we defined in childhood are often the same rules we use as we navigate life as adults. Unless we’ve received new information that completely obliterates the old beliefs, we’ll keep using those messages for life.
Today, I was presented with an opportunity to shift one of my old beliefs, by simply going back into a business to let them know they got my order wrong. And I was scared. I expected the worst. I expected… my past experiences (both personal and observed). And even though it was scary, and I thought it might not go well, I built up my nerve.
When you spend your whole life people pleasing, trying not to be a burden, and doing all you can to keep everyone happy with you, something as simple as going back into the coffee shop when they messed up your order can feel really scary.
At my grown age I was so nervous, anticipating a sigh, or an eye roll, or unnecessary questioning about why I felt it was not good enough. However, none of that happened. She met me with a smile. It never left her face. And she offered to make it over before I even fully gave her my prepared worthiness speech. 🥰
She was so pleasant. And then when she brought my drink, she asked me if I wanted to try it before I left to ensure that she did it to my liking. And she said that with, no snark, nothing but kindness. 😌
Of course, to you this may be the bare minimum expectation. She’s just doing her job. But for me, someone who has been mistreated and bullied for speaking up when people wronged me or others (especially in my formative years), doing a simple thing like this and experiencing kindness can feel like a huge triumph. 🥰🏆
I shared the story on Facebook right as it happened. And by the time I got my car I realized that there’s more to say. So I recorded today’s podcast about the impact parents caregivers and people of influence have on children’s perception of themselves, what they deserve, how other people will treat them, etc.
Your family, that inner circle, is your first and most powerful example of what to expect from others. And in my environment I received very strong messages about my worthiness, about my rights, about what people were and were not willing to do for me, and about audacity. I learned what requests weren’t even worth making. And whether I realized it or not, those messages have influenced every relationship I’ve had since.
There’s so much to say, but I don’t want to make this any longer. Please check out today’s podcast above. If it resonates, please like, comment, or share. Thank you
