I actually don’t have to imagine. When I used to do it, I felt completely justified. I felt that it was my obligation to hold people accountable to guide their lives by MY beliefs. What an idiot I once was. I really thought that judging others was righteous… even though it says it clearly in the book not to judge others….
I’m grateful that I’ve grown so much over the years. I’m grateful that I love others enough to listen and learn and allow the commonalities and recognition of our similarities to change my opinions. Because that’s all they were… opinions… I gained from other people’s opinions. But when I was presented with the facts, when I gained new information, I realized that the opinions didn’t stand up. They didn’t make sense, and I let them go.
I am so grateful that I chose to open my heart and mind, because I would’ve missed out on the most beautiful connections with amazing, beautiful, people of various spiritual beliefs, nationalities, ethnicities, gender identities, sexual orientations and more.
I’m grateful that I now recognize that love is like water, it flows. We can attempt to block it, but it finds its way. And I now realize that some people take the limits off of love and allow it to flow. And as a person who’s centered in love, how could I ever hate someone for loving?
And that’s just how I feel about it. It’s okay to evolve and release beliefs and opinions that no longer feel aligned with who you are. And that’s what I will continue to do as I live a more aligned and authentic life.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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I have spent the majority of my life in a state of constant disappointment. Sad because: I didn’t have what I wanted, struggled at what was easy for others, and simply desired a life other than what I was (am) experiencing.
Today, I woke from a nap with these words: “Look at life as it is and find something to appreciate.” In the dream that phrase was prefaced with, “You’re always finding something to complain about.”
In the dream, I was talking to someone else. But when I woke, I decided to apply it to myself. Discontent is exhausting. Yeah, I want more. Yeah, I want different. Yeah, I’d appreciate change. But after all these years of being miserable with what is, one thing I know for sure is that discontentment does not improve our quality of life. If anything, it sucks the good out of what we do have.
So here’s to a new perspective… a new journey of intentionally finding things to appreciate while I give less attention to what isn’t so great.
And I’m going to give myself grace, as it takes time to release a habit and develop a new one. One good way though is to use the old habit to signal the use of the new.
So if I find myself complaining or lamenting, I can simply say my new mantra: “Complain less. Appreciate more.”
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Gonna ignore the pit in my stomach from writing that title and let it sit there. Read on and you’ll understand.
Today, on a whim, I decided to preview, then purchase, Shonda Rhimes book, “Year of Yes.” I grabbed it on Audible and pressed play and allowed myself to drift off to sleep while listening.
The really cool thing about listening to a book like this while sleeping is the kind of dreams I ended up having. I was in the room as she was the keynote speaker at a banquet. I got to interact with her directly as she walked the aisles of a lecture hall, sharing her wisdom.
As I drifted in and out of sleep I caught myself speaking my Amens into the silence of my bedroom, and quickly dozed my way back into my seat in the lecture hall.
One of the coolest things about this awesome book is that I can see myself in her stories. I recognize the ways I have felt intimidated by the moms who seem to do it all with minimal effort. The ones who eagerly prepare baked goods with their children for the potlucks. I typically forgot all about it and grabbed something at the bakery on the way. I saw myself in the shame women often experience when accepting a compliment, as humility is pushed on us rather than confidence. When we look at our tv shows and movies, the confident women were usually the characters we were encouraged to hate.
After sleeping and listening for a good hour or more, I woke up feeling empowered. She had transitioned through the shame of accepting public praise for her accomplishments into a beautifully empowering self-acceptance. I thought about my own gifts, skills, and accomplishments and how “radical” it would be to stop hiding my abilities, and to actually fully embrace them.
What if I didn’t shrink back when people compliment me or ask me about what I can do? What if I told them the truth—that I’m really confident in my abilities and I am the best option for them? What if I didn’t allow external fears of failure to talk me out of opportunities, when I know that I am fully capable of succeeding? What if I didn’t feel bad for saying that I am a phenomenal speaker? What if I acknowledge that I can do far more than I have allowed myself to talk about?
And then as I got out of bed the idea came to me for a daily challenge for myself. I got up and wrote on my affirmation chalkboard, “I dare you to believe in yourself fully & unapologetically.” This is my new daily challenge to myself… to stop shrinking, to stop pulling back, to stop with the self-deprecating humor and just by myself fully, with no concern whatsoever about what others feel about it.
Because what I acknowledged as I listened to her is that we shrink back because we don’t want people to say we’re conceited, full of ourselves, aren’t humble, etc. But I don’t think I can name one person that is at the top of their game that does this. Maybe they feel uncomfortable as one goes on about their accomplishments, but within themselves they are okay with being the best. And many of them, if not most, have no problem with saying they are the best.
I think it will be a great gift to allow myself to acknowledge what I’m good at WITHOUT making it small. I need to learn to sit in the truth of what I can do and not feel bad about thinking it, acknowledging it, or saying it.
I think this is even why I have trouble with the booking part of speaking. There’s no humility in selling yourself. Nothing about harping on about ones accomplishments is aligned with how I was conditioned in church to not “think highly” of myself, to defer all compliments and attribute all my good qualities to it being the “Christ in me.” And now as I no longer hold those beliefs and haven’t for some years now, I realize that having no one to give the credit for my awesomeness maybe left me feeling a bit lost. If I can’t give all the credit to Jesus, the only person left to give it to is myself, and that’s wrong. Right?
It’s amazing the conclusions we can come to when we decide to think about what we don’t think about. I do this often and I’m amazed every time. I think about how things are different for women and men… how women are conditioned to be reserved, meek, and humble, to return compliments rather than receive them. If someone says, “I love your dress,” we’re conditioned to say, “This old thing,” or “I got it on sale,” or “No. I love YOUR dress.” When I watch men compliment each other, the interaction is so different. And I know society plays a big role in that.
I guess today was just a time of acknowledging that I am backing out of doing what I’m “supposed” to do. I am allowing myself to get comfortable with owning my abilities. I am choosing to accept compliments without lessening them. I am giving myself permission to trust myself to do things I haven’t done before because I truly KNOW I am capable.
Today was all about saying, “Yes,” to myself, my truth, my awareness of my greatness. And I am excited to go into this new season of life, with a new layer of self-acceptance. I’m eager to see where it takes me. And I hope you’ll give yourself permission to acknowledge your greatness, too.
If you’d like to check out more of my blog posts or podcast episodes, tap the button below and just keep reading, listening, and scrolling. Oh, and subscribe while you’re there so you know when I post a new one.
I love when you like my posts. I end up reading, or listening, to them at the perfect time. So I’m reposting this one with the hope that it reaches you at exactly the right time.
Do you remember those infomercials for that countertop cooking appliance where they would say, “set it and forget it?”
I don’t know why I watched the commercial so many times, it’s probably because of insomnia or just leaving the TV on and hearing the commercial over and over again in my sleep. But one day I really paid attention and realized the actual process for doing everything to get that food cooking was waaay more steps than just “set it and forget it.” 🤣
From that point forward every time I heard the commercial or saw it on I would sit there laughing at how they were really convincing people that the other eight steps didn’t exist and that it really was just two steps. 😆
Well, earlier, I was sitting and thinking about what I did right today. And the main things came to mind. But then I realized I did a whole lot of other sh*t that wasn’t on my to-do list. So I started adding those things to the list, and checked them off, too.
Yeah, I put gas in the car and bought bacon at the grocery store. But I also bought Heet and put it in the gas tank, to ensure there was no water in my gas line after all this cold weather. Yeah, I remembered to call my aunt to let her know I received her letter that was delayed in the mail, but I also remembered to give my mom her medicine. Yeah, I got my daughter to school on time, but I also attended my accountability meeting this morning.
We can be so hard on ourselves—only acknowledging the big things we put on the calendar—but we do so much that we don’t even acknowledge.
We have no problem noticing every little thing we do wrong. We don’t miss our mistakes, but we rarely note all the things we do right. So we end our days feeling super exhausted and drained, and think to ourselves, “Why am I so tired? I only did these three things.” No. You did a bazillion things, that you didn’t even recognize because it feels like that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Well, I’m asking you to take 2 minutes and acknowledge those things. You can write your 3 to 10 things in the comments, in a journal, speak them aloud to yourself, record it in your notes app. Just acknowledge YOU all you’ve done, today.
It may be that you put the trash bins out, or that you took a shower after not prioritizing self-care for several days. Maybe you remembered to reply to that email or returned that call, or simply brushed your teeth AND flossed, or worked out. It could be that you got out of bed when you didn’t feel like it, or that you took that nap you really needed. Acknowledge your efforts and accomplishments… big and small.
You’re doing more than you count and it matters. Start noticing.
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