In this season of uncertainty, yesterday’s events really mattered. Even though my situation hasn’t changed, some glimmers of hope showed up that shifted me from being certainty to curiosity.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
I was honestly heading down a path of no longer believing life could improve for me. But after these moments I share on today’s podcast, I’m thinking maybe things can actually work out for me.
Please check out today’s podcast above to hear the story.
On today’s podcast, I reference a few of my products and offerings…
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You can tap to visit any of the links above, or simply share this statement below:
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is out here doing her best to put good out in the world. She has a lot to offer. Check her out at mdillondesigns.com/.
I appreciate you! Thank you for being here. And thank you for listening.
“Inspiration has always been my deepest motivation.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
On this episode of Share & Let’s Live! I came to a truly defining realization about myself while I was recording.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap playFYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
I have been pretty candid about my increasing financial challenges as I navigate extreme burnout as a neurodivergent human. Today I discovered something interesting that I’d like to share. I believe it may provide you some insights about yourself or someone you care about.
A quick FYI…
On today’s podcast, multiple times I mention explaining things in the description (which is actually yesterday’s blog post). At the time of the recording, I planned to share today’s podcast episode with yesterday’s blog post as the description. However, since the post ended up being so long, I decided it was better to let the two stand alone.
So above you’ll find the podcast episode. If you’d like to read the description, I mention on today’s podcast, find it here, it’s yesterday’s blog post, “Who I Was Who I Am.”
Thanks for being here. Press play above to hear today’s podcast.
Oh, almost forgot the special treat! 🤣Please listen all the way to the end if you want to hear the most I-can’t-believe-what-I-just-witnessed story that took place while I was recording. 🤣 (Make sure you’re not eating. Just trust me.)😂
It’s crazy how life can knock you on your ass so hard you forget who you were. I’ve been waking up to this reality about myself.
This morning, I woke up and after a little stretching I started to think about places I’ve been, and things I’ve done… things I forgot about…
It started with a memory of driving into the parking lot of a place in Chicago called The Little Black Pearl. It’s a beautiful space that supports the community with programming centered around the arts and youth empowerment (and some other great things I cannot recall now, so please look them up).
Oh yeah… I was saying that I had this memory of being in the parking lot… then I had another of being on the side of the building and of what it looked like to go in… it was then that I remembered my cousin being there… that she showed up with her daughter(s) to see me… I spoke there. I forgot that. Why is that important? Because just days ago I was on their website thinking about how I needed to visit that place… as in, go for the first time. Even now, as I recall going through the site, I remember seeing an image… a photo, where I recognized a woman, she taught the glassblowing class I visited. I even have a gift she gave me from that class sitting in my window. All of these memories sitting on top of each other… these memories I made there that have all drifted away as isolated, unrelated incidents that haven’t combined to say, “Girl. You’ve been there. You’ve lived in this space. You’ve done things. Wake up.”
This morning, I wrote a post (on Facebook, my personal wall) after having these memories resurface. A thank you message. And rather than attempt to find excerpts, I’ll just add it below and call it today’s blog post. It’ll get you caught up on… me…
Flashing back to all the natural hair events and parenting workshops I did over the years, the I’m Proud to Be Natural Me ! events, book signings, talks, etc. Thinking of the books purchased, the T-shirts, mugs etc. The posts shared. I just want to say thank you.
Thank you to those who have been supporting me in little and big ways for all these years. The shares, the comments, the purchases. The last minute phone calls because you needed a birthday present and chose to buy from me. Thank you.
Thank you for the open doors, the invitations to speak, the connections, the friend suggestions. Thank you.
Since 2018, life has been handing me some hard stuff, some really dysregulating stuff that rocked my world so bad that it knocked the wind out of me and has left me scrambling just to survive.
So much back to back stuff happened with no recovery that I honestly forgot about a lot of that, and that I ever did it, much less how to get back to it.
What I know now is that it’s called autistic burnout. It’s where you can be doing stuff well, winning in a particular area, but life can hand you some stuff so tough that it overwhelms your resources. Simple things that you’ve always been able to do can become inaccessible.
The effort that it takes to be a neurodivergent person passing as neurotypical… The little things you’ve always done to not stand out too much, to not seem different, to make everyone think you get it, you understand, that what’s automatic to everyone else makes sense to you… the masking… All of it on top of just being becomes too hard.
Your would seems to be falling apart. As you can no longer hide all the steps and strategies and pretence that goes into you being you…. All you have is your authentic self and a loss of skills because you’ve overwhelmed your system. Life broke… no… rebooted you… without warning… and with no backup disk.
I’ve been finding myself slowly, remembering myself slowly, waking up slowly from this fog…
And this isn’t a sad post… At least it’s not intended to be. It’s literally me being aware for the first time for real that it’s… that this really has been happening to me. Whole years of my life… 8 to be exact… went by in a blur because I’ve been in survival mode… all I’ve had energy for the last EIGHT years is to survive each day… to get up, take care of my child, tend to her needs, try to create something, try to sell something, maintain an online presence, take care of those who need me, survive a pandemic, a major illness of a parent, the unexpected loss of multiple friends and loved ones, navigating single motherhood and forced co-parenting with an estranged ex, living with my parents as a grown woman raising a child…. It was all too much. And it broke me. And it took me 8 years to even realize it.
I’m just now, in the last few weeks realizing it, and probably… honestly today accepting it. I have busts of ME here and there: a new painting here, a new book there, but it’s just a few times a year. Most days I’m fighting for it… just doing what I can to make it through.
And I don’t know why I’m telling you. I just know that I am. I am here, doing my best and honestly it’s all I’ve got And financially, it’s not enough. You don’t get to take breaks in adulthood without consequence, unless you’re rich. I’ve never been. So I’ve been going through it. And it’s been bad, real bad. But I’m still here. I haven’t given up. We got her to senior year. And I’m trusting we’ll get her all the way through and to college.
Trying to get off the mat. Giving it all I’ve got. And it’s not easy. So if you see me asking for prayer, a hug, good vibes, know I need it All of it. And if you’re ever in a position to do more. To buy, to give, to share, to help me sell a painting, whatever, please don’t hesitate. I’m barely off the mat. I need all the help I can get.
Purchases of products (eventually) help too. I just have to wait until I’ve sold enough products to receive a payout (on Zazzle). That’s not the case with Amazon though so please buy my book, or with my udemy course. I get paid the following month with those. So please don’t let that deter you from buying I need the money and it does come to me eventually so by all means please support. Here’s a link to all my stuff: mdillondesigns.com/shop
This is (obviously) part three of a series. The topic is… hmmm… I guess the topic is what do you do when you discover an old script from your childhood is running your life?
It started with a blog post, then there was a podcast episode. And now we’re here at the final episode in this series.
This episode is admittedly longer than my typical, AND it all needed to be said. I think if you hang in there you may hear something that’s for you, too. This was very healing for me, very vulnerable, very honest, and very real. So get a drink of water and press play.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
Apparently, the impact of back-to-back losses and trauma, while constantly giving out of my emptiness has left me with nothing left to give.
Burnout is real. And if you deny yourself for too long, while pouring out of your deficit, you may hit that subbasement of burnout where in order to survive you have to pause and get real with yourself.
On this episode, I realized that my greatest fear is showing up purely as me with nothing to offer. Having purpose has been my way of achieving and maintaining connection, love, friendship, etc. And now that I have nothing to give, I have to face the reality that I don’t know how to just be and trust that I will be accepted.
I’m grateful I recorded this podcast episode, as vulnerable as it is. I need to know. I needed to see that all this masking, even while being increasingly authentic, is just me hoping for acceptance, while fearing if I don’t get it right, if I don’t do enough, that love will be withheld.
If you’re down for a deeper story, not one full of laughs, but a real story, press play.
Thank you for being here.
A series of events led to me realizing that I have some inner child stuff to clear up. Between the emotions I’ve been navigating lately and some insecurities that were stirred up, I had some epiphanies that I believe may help you on your own self-love/self-acceptance/self-compassion journey. Listen to the podcast.
