So you may know this if you’ve listened to my podcast/read about it in my blog…
I occasionally use poetry to help me get out of my head. I have a tendency toward worrying that I am actively working around as often as possible. Today, I chose to use a journaling style that works for me. It’s similar in structure to haiku, as it is a 3 line “poem” using only 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 again in the last line.
I’m no pro on haiku. I just found it fascinating when I learned about it in high school, and over the years (well, I guess decades 😩) I’ve used it as a way to help me get ideas out of my head concisely. Using this style to journal helps me get to the point and figure out what’s going on when I feel off.
So today, I was motivated one minute, and sitting at my computer feel down the next. So I chose to employ this tool and here’s what happened.
Oh, quick backstory. I had a craving for fancy waffles like they make at the brunch spots. And I wanted to have chili for lunch…
Why do I feel off? Am I thinking it won’t work? Don’t know where lid is
I could look around I’m not sure which pot to use Just go with crock pot
Where are mixer things? I have enough heavy cream? What if all’s ruined?
Gonna take too long Might not have enough for this It’s a bad idea
One. It brought me bliss. So it IS the RIGHT idea. And we’re doing it.
No one dies, Karen. It’s just waffles and chili Live a little. BREATHE.
Okay, so that’s where I landed. I use this style often as a journal exercise because I get in my head A LOT. Between ADHD, being introverted, and overthinking sooo much, I find myself feeling off or uncomfortable a little too often. I now do this to help me transition through those moments quicker and get clear on what’s going on and what I need to do next.
Sidebar: I guess technically “idea” is 3 syllables, but not the way I pronounce it. Those last two kinda run together. AND sorry if your name is Karen. Just needed a two syllable name. “Darlin'” works well, too (now that I think about it). Just wanted to post the authentic piece. See. I told you I overthink. Why was this disclaimer necessary? 😂
*This is a repost of blog/podcast from 2022. It’s super relevant and an update is at the end.
You ever met a liar that’s so good they could convince you that you aren’t you?
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
That happened to me—well, it’s been happening. This chick is so good that she even sounds like me. She had me confused so many times. I heard her voice and knew she was me.
To be totally honest, I’m not even sure how many years—well, decades—I’ve been catfished.
But don’t worry. Lately, she’s been getting sloppy. Her phrases are becoming repetitive. She’s developing a pattern. I can almost predict what she’ll do next. I know what she’ll say, and even when she’ll show up.
I am developing a portrait of my inner critic. Like a sketch artist with a little more information, I’m filling in the details. Soon she won’t be able to fool me anymore.
I’ve heard that there are others out there, so I want you to be aware. Let me tell you a little bit about her….
She continuously diverts my attention away from inspired ideas by offering distractions, convincing me of reasons they’re not good ideas, and by bombarding me with negative what if’s. She loves to bring up past instances when I failed at whatever I’m about to attempt. And the thing that really got my attention was when I noticed her repeating the same phrases, no matter what I was attempting.
Some of her main phrases are:
“That’s not gonna work.”
“It’s gonna take too long.”
“You’re behind.”
“No one’s gonna want/pay you for that.”
“How are you gonna pay for that?”
“You should do that over.”
“You should _______ instead.”
Now, chances are that you’ve been catfished, too—not by my inner critic, but by your own. And it’s tempting to be really angry.
What I’ve realized recently is that my inner critic is actually my misguided bodyguard. She showed up to serve me…. to protect me. From childhood ’til now, she has kept a record of every moment that has made me feel sad, embarrassed, or unsafe. She has noted every moment of grief, guilt, and shame. She has made it her priority to remember what I was doing each time I experienced those emotions. Then, she uses this data to protect me from experiencing those emotions again.
When she sees I’m about to do something that resembles those past moments of pain, she shows up with stories, fake tasks, and even cravings to deter me from participating. She does everything she can, and will even lie, to protect me.
I believe you might have a catfish, too, and they’ve likely done the same thing to you.
The only problem is that these catfi…, I mean, misguided body guards… haven’t evolved. Many of them arrived in childhood, so they still have childlike beliefs about why things happened. So they are attempting to protect us from things that might not even bring us pain. If you had your tonsils removed as a kid, and all you got to eat was ice cream, maybe in adulthood you hate cold treats and don’t even know why. If you and your dad were besties and then he left, you might be hesitant to allow yourself to love that deeply again. If you put your heart and soul into a school project, but your teacher tore it apart in front of the entire class, you may have decided that day to only do mediocre work, or that being in the front of the room is not safe.
Our inner body guards are well-meaning, but misguided. They refuse to let us experience those hurts again, so they take on our identity. They speak within us to warn us of “certain” danger. They repeat the lessons others taught us about how the world works, what’s unsafe, who to trust, what’s too big for us. They repeat those phrases and stories, and get in our way as we attempt to evolve. Until we become aware of them, and take control of our thoughts, they can run our whole lives and keep us from so many great things.
I challenge you to begin to notice the patterns of when your inner body guard shows up. Notice the thoughts that cross your mind when you decide you’re ready to embark on something new, something expansive, something that feels like a great next step. Pay attention to moments when your excited energy shifts. What thought crossed your mind? Become aware of what’s going on within you.
Start to write down your objections to evolving. Eventually, you will begin to notice a pattern. You’ll begin to see cycles of doing other than what you want to do. Keep noticing. Eventually, you may realize that your thoughts are actually the voice of your catfish.
Update: Thanks to the popularity of this post, get ready for my upcoming book! “You’re Being Catfished: 7 Strategies to Overcoming Your Inner Critic.” Expected release: November 2022
Update 2: Thanks to ADHD this project is still pending. Hope to get it out by the end of 2025. Fingers crossed.
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What if you’re actually on time? What if we’re not meant to compare ourselves to others? What if we’re meant to do life at our own pace?
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
On today’s podcast, I take my own journey through these questions and share about a new offer I’m currently working on. My hope is that as I share my journey you’ll see yourself and areas where you can give yourself my grace. So check it out.
Every once in awhile, I get that internal urge to share what happens in my private moments. Not those kinds of private moments 😂. I’m talking about my private time with “God,” my higher self, my intuition… the angels, the ancestors… whoever it is that talks to us (internally) when we get quiet… those moments of insight that occur during meditation.
It used to just feel weird to share these. But at this point, we’re way beyond weird. 😂 I’ve shared all kinds of stuff on here. 🤣
The one thing I know is that, weird or not, these moments help people. So when I get the urge to share, I’m sharing them.
Today, just minutes ago, I had one of those inner conversations and it left me thinking. So I’m going to share it with you and maybe it’ll get you thinking, too.
This is just an excerpt from the full conversation between Me and Inner Me. Upon rereading, I realized the early part was a little personal.
Here you go:
M: Really want the day to myself to do as I please… 5 months of no progress.
IM: Okay, that’s true, but what if what happened is exactly what was to happen?
M: What do you mean? I’m destined to fail?
IM: What if you’re not failing? What if you’re not here to maximize every gift? What if you’re here to prioritize? To choose what’s important to you. And to keep adjusting that to grant you more peace and happiness? What if your life is about adjusting the levels?
M: What if my life is about adjusting the levels…. 🤔 So you’re saying, no matter what I do, it’s the right choice, because it’s all about adjusting the levels and choosing what brings me peace, what matters to me, what I’ll choose in any given moment to adjust how I feel? Are you saying that my life is just a game of vibration and choosing things… thoughts, behaviors, focus, etc. and then see how I feel about it? Are you saying that there really is no object to all this but to experience it?
IM:
M: Wow. And then you hit me with silence, as if you just want me to sit with that thought. Okay cool. I’ll just sit with that thought.
So there it is.
What if our purpose isn’t about the completion of tasks, the “successes” were taught to care about, or even our impact on the world?
What if the purpose is to simply make choices in any given moment and to experience what they feel like, and to engage with others and objects and experience them, too?
What if this sh*t isn’t as deep, or serious, as we make it? What if life is meant to be this simple… an experience of being in the present moment, trying on emotions?
If you found out that life was truly just an experiment of finding which experiences cause you to feel the way you want to feel? How would you live your life differently?
I’m going to leave you with that thought. I need to ponder that thought, too.
