We lie to ourselves about people we care about, when we don’t want to believe the deeper messages behind their behavior.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
We’ll say, “Oh, he’s just kidding. He doesn’t really mean that,” even though the comment was a bit sexist. Or we’ll ignore the unnecessary details about a character’s race in our friend’s story, because we don’t want to believe that they could possibly be racist. We may ignore red flags in our new love interest’s stories, because we want to believe that how they were with others means nothing. Of course, with us it will be different.
What I realized today is that far too often we ignore what we see. Or better yet, I realize that I far too often ignore what I notice because I want to believe the best about a person. And maybe you do it, too.
On today’s podcast episode I talk about this in regard to some sensitive topics. I express my opinions about some things that can be polarizing, and I get real vulnerable about some things that I’m not proud of. But at this point in my life, I’d rather be honest and address the “elephant in the room.” Trying to go around my truths just makes it harder to tell the story and it’s not worth it to me. I want you to get the point, so sometimes I end up telling more than I planned. (Oh well.) 😂
So anyway, if any of this resonated (or you’re just nosy), please press play above. 🤣
I woke from a dream a little while ago and this question was on my mind…
“What would it be like to live life without shame?”
As I often do when I’m unsure how to tackle a subject, I decided to respond through poetry.
It helps me trim out the fluff… the excess… to write in a structured format like 5-7-5. Mimicking haiku, forcing my thoughts to show in lines of five syllables, followed by seven syllables, then five again works for me to get my thoughts out succinctly and intentionally. So I choose it again today. Here are the results…
To be free from shame? To not question if I’m “good” Good wife? Good mom? Wow!
A whole new life. FREE. No check-ins? Just me living? No comparison?
To enjoy my life. Or simply live it my way Without questioning…
“Was that good enough?” Would she think so? Or would he? To just live my way?
To do life my way Without constantly checking If they would be pleased
I don’t know this life But I am now so eager To know this freedom.
So grateful I chose to work through this. I’ve yet to experience life in this beautiful and blissfully free way. I look forward to it starting now.
I used to believe shame was necessary in order to live a “good” life. I was raised to believe shame is what keeps us in line and ensures we live as “good citizens” and other BS like that. But I now realize that I don’t have to constantly compare my life and behavior to what everyone else is doing to know right from wrong… or better yet, right for me versus wrong for me. I have an internal something… a knowing… that lets me know if I am on target with what makes sense, feels good, is “appropriate” for my life.
I’m going to use my internal knowing more. And use shame less… until I eliminate it altogether. And the great thing about that is the more I do that for myself, the more I will be an example of this freedom to those around me, including my child.
I am so grateful that I didn’t blow this off. You know, we receive these opportunities to process through our thoughts, to sit with an idea and see how we feel about it. And it’s so easy to ignore that urge and just go on with life. I am so grateful, this time, I got up, grabbed my journal and pen, and decided to work through it.
And I’m so grateful that I decided to share it with you. I hope this is helpful for you.
UPDATE: So I’ve been unpacking this idea and it led to me recording a full podcast episode to go with this poem and post. So please check it out to get the full story behind this blog post.
Listen below. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around.
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If you’d like to check out more of my blog posts or podcast episodes, tap the button below and just keep reading, listening, and scrolling. Oh, and subscribe while you’re there so you know when I post a new one.
I admittedly have held the bar too low for myself. I settled. I was in relationships that didn’t feel good. I felt insignificant, undervalued, and optional, and that to them my most basic requests were “asking too much.”
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
As I do inner work to clear messaging that began long before these individuals, I’ve come to some important conclusions. Clearly, it’s essential that I raise the bar for what I expect and desire from others. But even more important is that I raise the bar for what i expect and give to myself.
It’s so important that I not only desire great love from a future companion. I also need to give great love to myself.
On today’s podcast, I talk about how I am beginning to raise my standards regarding how I treat myself. I share about the various ways I am on a new leg of this self-love journey. I’m excited to say, I am falling in love with myself.
So check out today’s episode. My hope is that through what I share, you’ll see ways you can fall in love yourself a little deeper.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Have you heard about my new members-only podcast library? Yeah, I have a new offer for paid subscribers called FCKIT-FEB! It’s a special offer of access to podcast episodes and content that I do not share publicly. It’s my little thank you for your support, if you choose to become a paid monthly subscriber. Want to learn more about it? Tap Learn More below! And thank you for being here. I appreciate you.
If you’d like to check out more of my blog posts or podcast episodes, tap the button below and just keep reading, listening, and scrolling. Oh, and subscribe while you’re there so you know when I post a new one.
Sometimes I use poetry… the structure of it… to get out my head. Needed to talk myself down from crashing out. You find your own way. This worked for me. Much calmer now.
Don’t give up. Pain all around. Everyone’s hurting.
Well, not everyone. Some are causing the hurt. Some are at the root of pain.
And we still have to find ways through. Some pain is unbearable. No cause. No one to blame. So we just got to cope.
So we feel it, then we refocus. We heal, while we allow for joy. We acknowledge and ignore.
Sometimes we choose to rest. Some days we press through. Or we do both.
Be where you are. Trust yourself. Love you.
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Setting arbitrary rules helps me when I need to channel my energy positively. I often use the haiku structure (3 lines: first 5 syllables, second 7 syllables, third 5 syllables) to help me process my thoughts. Today, I made up a new system. If you’re bored, you can try and figure out what it is. lol
Concentrating on fitting the structure while getting my thoughts out succinctly is a great tool for me when I need to decompress. Maybe it’ll work for you. Thought I’d share.
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