Mannnnnn…. it just took me the most unreasonable amount of time to make the simplest meal. But let me tell you why…
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
It used to really p*ss me off when one of my siblings would ask me why I was so tired. I was a stay-at-home mom, raising a toddler, and they were doing the 9 to 5 thing. They felt that all I did was sit at home all day so I had no reason to be tired. I could never articulate why I was always exhausted, but I knew I had good reason.
I’m about to tell you a story about how much effort it took for me to complete ONE task today. I believe that by the end of the story you’ll understand why I’m tired all the time. 😂
Having ADHD is a trip. Check out the podcast by pressing play above. It’s gonna be fun.
I originally posted this in 2024, AND maybe it’s a message you need to hear, today.
Sending you love if Mother’s Day is a challenging time for you. I wrote a blog & recorded today’s podcast episode for people who have difficult relationships with their mothers. If that’s you, please visit mdillondesigns.com/blog.
Find the link to the blog post, “An Unhappy Mother’s Day Tribute,” below.Press play to listen to today’s podcast. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Blessings!
For clarity: Please note there are two separate posts. This is the podcast episode, “On Mother’s Day: A Healing Conversation.” If this resonated with you, you may also appreciate my separate blog post, “An Unhappy Mother’s Day Tribute.”
I believe BOTH are powerful and can be instrumental on your healing journey. Also, at the end of that blog post I share resources I found helpful on my own healing journey.
This post inspired me to create my own greeting card line for awkward relationships. I call them U.G.H. Moments because they are cards for those uncomfortable times when finding the right card is challenging because of the relationship. The UGH stands for Unique. Genuine. Honest. These are cards that get to the heart of the matter. They don’t lie about the nature of the relationship, but they are loving or simple and neutral. Also they can be customized so you don’t have to say things you don’t mean, that don’t feel true, or simply aren’t what you call that person. Just trying to do my part to make navigating this emotional space a little easier.
Depending on when you read this, it may be late too order for this Mother’s Day, but keep these in mind for next year. Also, there are matching gift mugs. You can customize those as well.
One thing my family believes about me is that I easily kick friends to the curb. It’s not actually true, though. It just seems that way because over the years I have released quite a few relationships that were no longer aligned.
I don’t just wake up in the morning and say, “Hmmm… who’s getting kicked out today?” It’s just that once I realize that a relationship is unhealthy for me, I release it. And, I think, most people just hold on to people, even if the relationship is toxic. That’s unacceptable for me. If I’m not good for them, or they’re no longer good for me, I let people go.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “relationships are here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” This statement implies that some relationships are not meant to last forever. Some just come along for a purpose (maybe a life lesson, maybe to introduce you to a place, concept, person, etc.). And occasionally some get to be with you for the rest of your life.
I believe that far too often we offer lifetime memberships to reason and season people.
I heard a minister once say that sometimes we are “building houses where we should be pitching tents.” Not everybody is meant to stay forever… and their behavior and the way they make us feel is often an indication of that…. in my opinion.
So whether it’s a friendship, business partnership, intimate relationship, or even situationship, it’s important for us to recognize when the relationship has reached it’s expiration date.
When we have a gallon of milk, a rotisserie chicken, a fruit or vegetable, there comes a time when if we continue to consume it, it’s probably gonna make us sick. An onion or potato that’s started to grow it’s own plant, is not gonna taste the same as a fresh one. Fruit with fuzz that wasn’t there before, is probably not a piece you want to eat. And I won’t even talk about the chicken or milk. Consuming foods after their expiration likely isn’t gonna make us feel well. But when our friendships start to stink, and unpleasant things begin showing up, we tend to just try to muscle through, ignore that gag reflex and keep on chomping. But whyyyy???
Still stuck on “gag reflex?” So am I. Try to focus. I’m going somewhere. 😂
Sooo…. on today’s podcast, I’m gonna tell you a story about someone I kept around too long. Not an intimate relationship, but someone who’s been like family to me. It’s not easy letting those kinds of relationships go. However, when a relationship feels more bad than good, it’s a sign that it possibly has reached it’s expiration.
I don’t cut people off right away. It’s like back when I used to drink whole (cow’s) milk, occasionally, I’d pause to sniff that gallon of milk because something seemed a bit off. Then, if it seems okay, I might give it a try, but it’s in my mind now so I’m on high alert. I might pour a little in the sink to see if there are any solids in it. But I’m definitely paying attention to see if there are any other signs that it’s no longer safe for consumption.
The same happens with me in relationships. When I notice something is off, I start to pay attention. I watch to see if that thing happens again. I notice how words and actions match up. I think about past statements and moments, that seemed off, that I ignored. I think about how I feel when I interact with them, how their words and behavior impact me. I assess if we are actually aligned, or if I’ve just been kinda floating along.
If I am consistently getting my feelings hurt, feeling offended, insecure, disrespected, etc. I take notice. I sit with it a minute to gather my words. And when I’m clear, I let them know how I am feeling, and how their words/behavior are impacting me.
Let me add a quick communication sidebar…
I am a strong believer in communicating: dealbreakers ahead of time, what my needs are, how I’m interpreting another person’s behavior, what my boundaries are, what the consequences are when my needs aren’t met/my boundaries are disrespected. When I reach a point in a relationship where the other person is doing something that makes me uncomfortable, or feel bad, I let them know as early as I can respectfully communicate how I’m feeling.
As tempting as it is to say, “You are doing….” “You are making me feel…,” I try my best to communicate in a non-accusing way (just in case I’m wrong 😂) and I tell them how I am interpreting their behavior. So I’ll say, “I told you _______, and you said you would/wouldn’t _______, but you did it anyway. And that made me feel _________.” OR “When ______ happened, I felt _______. It made me think you must feel/believe _________. But I could be wrong.” And then I let them respond. And I actually listen to what they have to say.
This non-accusing approach has many times prevented real arguments, because how I was interpreting things was actually way off. And it gave the other person the opportunity to clear things up and share from their perspective. Other times, the person said, “You’re absolutely right. That’s exactly what happened and I see why you responded as you did.” Choosing to not accuse, is a great way to clear the air, because maybe your relationship hasn’t expired, you’re just viewing each other through the lens of misunderstandings. (This happens A LOT.) So communicating how you’re interpreting their behavior, words, etc. WITHOUT ACCUSING is really a great communication practice. Could save a great relationship.
But enough the communication sidebar. We’re talking about breaking up, today. 😂
So when I’ve noticed, observed, and communicated. When I’ve had an understanding with a person about my boundaries, they agreed to respect them, and then broke the agreement…. When I’ve shared what my needs are, what hurts me, or what causes me to lose trust and the person continues to ignore what we’ve discussed—especially repeatedly—yeah, for me, those are signs we’ve reached our expiration.
So here are some phrases I believe are empowering for you to embrace (and use) if it’s time to release a relationship:
“I realize our relationship is no longer healthy for me.”
“I’ve been observing for a while, and now acknowledge that our relationship has reached it’s expiration date.”
“I know it’s time for me to release this relationship because I no longer feel good about you or myself.”
“I’ve observed your behavior for a while and acknowledge that you do not respect my boundaries.”
“As a rule, I do not remain in relationship with people who disrespect me/my boundaries.”
“I love myself too much to remain in relationship with someone who repeatedly hurts me.”
“I feel I am disrespecting myself by remaining in our relationship, because your words and actions communicate that you do not value me.”
“Although I value what we had, our current situation is unacceptable for me.”
“I honestly don’t like how it feels to be in relationship with you.” (Possible addition: “Because when it’s good, it’s great, but when it’s bad, it’s unbearable. And I know the bad is coming. It always does.”
“I wish we could get back to where we were, but too much has transpired. I’ll never be able to see you the same. And I won’t settle for less than what we were.”
“I don’t believe you value me enough for this to continue.”
Now, some of these can really sting. And you are responsible for your words, so don’t blame me if these don’t land well. 😂 You have to know your situation. I don’t recommend using these, for example, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or in any form of abusive relationship.
This post is actually about releasing unhealthy non-intimate relationships, although these could apply to intimate relationships, going-nowhere-situationships, etc. Maybe you’ve had enough of that dude you friend zoned continuing to try to date you, or you realize it’s time to kick a negative, hating ass long-term friend to the curb…. That’s more what this is about. Please do not use these in caustic relationships. Maybe work through that with a therapist….
Anywho, I hope this helpful for you. I say A LOT of valuable stuff on the podcast episode (listen above). Please overlook the many interruptions. ADHD was having a time since so much was going on outside today as I was recording. But do check it out. (And don’t forget, I cuss. 😂)
The trigger warning is primarily for the meme. In this post I say I’m not okay, but I don’t mean I’m that level of not okay. I need a vacation. I’m not in any danger…. just for clarity. AND… I understand how people get to that point, because (as I’ve shared on my blog and podcast), I’ve been at that point. Thank goodness for great counselors. If you happen to be at that point, please reach out to someone who is compassionate and a great listener. If you do not know someone personally that fits that description, here in the states you can call OR text 988.
This post is actually not about that topic. This post is about about not being okay while pretending to be okay. It’s about realizing that you’ve pretended so long that you’re even lying to yourself. It’s about me realizing today that in an attempt to show up for everybody, and do what’s expected of me, I was lying to myself about how exhausted and run down I am. And I’m about to tell you what happened that helped me realize this.
My hope is that when you find this, it is like a gentle hug. Maybe listen to the song I added below and even the rain sounds too while you read. Sending all the love I can and a ginormous virtual hug. You are loved, even if by nobody else you’re aware of, definitely by me. Blessings to you.
You know what’s odd? When you think you’re doing okay—that you’re managing life as well as you can—and then something simple happens and your response to it let’s you know that you’re actually not okay.
So earlier today, I was rushing to pack away groceries so I could run back out to pick my daughter up from school. I didn’t really feel I had time to stop at home, but the A/C isn’t working in the car and it was hot as h*ll out today, and I had lots of frozen stuff from a late grocery run. I didn’t want everything I just paid for to be ruined so I had about a 2 minute window to get in the house, toss everything in the deep freezer, and run back to the car.
But as I’m trying to shove my dinner for later into the refrigerator, it hits something that’s in the way on that shelf, and falls out of my hand, flips over, the lid opens and all the food is now on the floor (that I didn’t get around to mopping, because I’m f*cking exhausted). So of course, I calmly…. NO. I ROARED from the depths of my soul! A high volume, shake the walls, nonsensical guttural roar! Then, I muttered something to myself, picked up the food, threw down some paper towels, and ran out the door.
Then this evening, a few minutes ago, I was washing the starch out of my basmati (rice). I technically was done, but decided to give it one more quick rinse. And as I was tilting the pot to release every excess drop of water, a third of the rice gave in to gravity and ended up in the sink! This time I let out a roof-shaking wail in the key of FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!! so loud that my dad (Pastor Dillon) came running to the stairs to see if I was okay….
And the answer truly is….. NO. I’m not okay. I’m trying to be okay. I’m trying to focus on the positive. I’m trying to count my blessings. I’m trying to stay in appreciation. And… I…. am…. worn… the…. f*ck… out.
I have been going, and going, and going, and going, and recovering, and responding and not reacting, and healing, and pressing through, and supporting, and creating, and overcoming, and dealing and dealing and dealing and I’m tired… because I’m human.
And I chose to share this because I needed to vent and because I know I’m not alone.
So many of us are trying so hard to look like we’ve got it together and others of us just feel like we’re supposed to have it together, because apparently everybody else does.
The reality is that I keep finding out that the people who I thought had it together, people I thought don’t have any real challenges, people I assumed see life as just beautiful for them every day, are actually dealing with sh*t, too! And they are hiding it.
They are hiding the challenges and only showing the good stuff. And maybe that’s okay, but what I’m realizing is that the people who aren’t doing okay… the people like me, who feel day-to-day life is a hard ass struggle… are comparing ourselves to these people who seem to have it together. But they don’t actually have it all together!
They make it look easy so we beat ourselves up for not being more like them. And they’re actually struggling, in their own ways, behind closed doors!
Some of us aren’t as good at hiding it. Some of aren’t even built like that. We wear it all over us that life is heavy, hard, challenging, confusing, exhausting….
If I’m not okay, it’s typically obvious. I don’t hide it well. My face looks like it. I dress like it. My hair looks like it… my posture…. Most times I’m just too worn out to hide it. And I’m just grateful that so many polished people have been telling me of late that they are worn out, too, that they don’t have it all together, that their resume is hiding plenty of sh*t between the lines.
And there’s something very freeing about that honesty.
I wish I had known it sooner. And that’s why I’m sharing this…. to let you know that if you are not okay, please know that is a normal response to sh*t not being okay. If you’ve got plenty going on, feeling exhausted, run down, and just wanting peace to be restored to you is NORMAL. People around you may be doing well. AND a lot of people around you are FAKING well. So release the additional pressure that comes from feeling like everybody else is doing so well and managing all aspects of life successfully. The older I get, the more I realize that’s more often not true than true.
I hope this brings you some comfort. Just talking about it helped me a bit. The thought that sharing this may help you or someone you know, brings me even more comfort. We’re not meant to be in this by ourselves. Maybe the person who is meant to help you through this is someone you’ll never meet, but someone who thought to share their experience that resonates with you. Maybe it’s a song they introduce you to or the concept of being in nature without being nature, through Youtube videos.
If you ever feel overwhelmed by life, please know that even those who empower others can feel that way at times. Life can be hard… and for some harder than others. So be kind to yourself and find what helps you feel a little better… that doesn’t cause you (or anyone else) harm.
Right now I’m listening to this song on repeat and I have rain sounds playing in a separate tab, and it’s helping. Please know that you are loved (even if it doesn’t feel like it, and even if you don’t love yourself right now).
I’m going to share both, the song and the rain video, below in case you need them. And please use the number above if you need it. I’m sure there is a similar crisis prevention line in your area if you’re not in the states. Wishing you the best.
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
If you’re having a rough time, try playing this song. As I read the comments, I saw that so many others have found comfort in it. Check it out. I hope you feel better soon.
Looking out on nature and listening to gentle rain can be very soothing. I often will turn the sound up very loud as if I am there and turn off the lights and immerse myself. Try it… unless rain isn’t soothing for you. There are MANY other natural videos on YT.
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