They’re Making Us Insecure… on Purpose

So I just watched this video and I completely agree with what she said. Let me explain.

Take a sec (well, a minute and 19 secs). Watch this video. Then read my thoughts about it below.

Tap the image below to watch the video or go to https://www.facebook.com/reel/894812597004147 then come right back so I can finish telling you what this sparked for me. I think it may support you.

Tap the photo to view Gabrielle Union’s post on Facebook.
(No copyright infringement intended. Just sharing her positive message.)

I agree. When I play with those filters, as I’m switching between them and see my real face, I feel so insecure… about stuff I’m never insecure about. But those filters erase so much of our reality, and convince us that the “light” adjustments will make us look better or just be fun. But what they do is create and reinforce our feelings of not being enough. They’ll have you thinking, “Damn. Is this what I look like all the time?”

It’s all a game, and we’re getting played… on some level. Whether it’s a burger you weren’t craving until you saw it in your newsfeed, or the norm shifting from saving to buy one house, fixing it up, and appreciating it for life, to now everyone buys a starter house then upgrades a bigger house. Our “needs” are constantly shifting because they are feeding them to us on every device. But we don’t even notice it. Me included.

I literally wrote I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! I gave up wearing makeup as part of my daily routine at least a decade ago. I teach workshops about embracing our natural selves. And I still find myself feeling insecure when I use those filters.

One thing I know is that advertising (I have a bachelor’s degree in advertising), is that it’s core is centered in convincing a person that they want/need something that they don’t necessarily truly want/need. And they do it by selling you the solution to an emotional problem. They present perfume and cologne as cures for loneliness, not by saying that, but by showing attractive and attracted people in connection with fragrances. They sell community and bonding and fun times with friends and loved ones. They don’t just sell beer. And the filters sell perfection which is a really great way to cause makeup looks that used to take 5-10 minutes now take 1-2 hours because it takes 7 or more products, plus contour to make you presentable, beautiful, lovable.

Just some thoughts after watching this video. Thought I’d share. What are your thoughts on this? Comment below.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Who Is Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist?

What Derailed You: On Taking Your Life Back

Fairly recently I thought back to when I was doing all the things, walking fully in my purpose, doing the thing I love the most. And then it ended. But what changed?

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist’s quote: “If you’ve been in survival mode for a long time, and can remember when you were thriving, it may be powerful to begin to heal the trauma that derailed you.” The quote appears in large bold white text with a subtle dark drop shadow over a photograph of a city train traveling on elevated tracks between downtown buildings, reinforcing the theme of being derailed and finding a way forward. “Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist” appears in white script across the top of the image and again as the attribution beneath the quote. A small Share & Let’s Live! podcast logo watermark with a microphone appears in the bottom-right corner. The footer displays "mdillondesigns.com/blog"
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

I’d been asking myself that for so many years, while simultaneously just doing the best I could with where I am now. And then one day, I counted back and realized that a major traumatic experience took place that same year when I was thriving and shining. And I’ve been just dealing with the fallout and doing my usual Energizer Bunny thing. I just kept going and going and going. There’s no time for healing when you’re a single parent (most of the time). When you’re simultaneously dealing with back to back blows and trauma, while raising a child solo, who can really stop and heal for real?

I’ve been in therapy on and off for years, but never about that stuff. I had to deal with the present. And what I now see is that the one MAJOR event that I blocked out has had me running alongside the tracks of my life, trying to still get there, but working real hard with little results. The ADHD thing is definitely involved. And there are some other things that are definitely involved. But the main thing… the real thing…. is that THAT thing derailed me. And I am honestly just now realizing, I never got back on the tracks. So I guess I gotta figure out how to heal that thing. And recognizing it is a huge step in getting there.

I explain it better on the podcast, so press play above. I’ve gotta story to tell you. And if it helps you see things you might need to address in your own life, please share this post, because someone you’re connected to might need to hear this message.

Thanks for being here and for reading. Please press play above to listen to today’s podcast.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Which Came 1st the Thought or the Feeling?

I’ve had a therapist debate me on this, but I think they’re wrong. 😂 I strongly believe that our thoughts guide our feelings.

For the sake of this post, and this practice that has worked for me countless times, let’s just assume she’s wrong and I’m right.

Okay. Let me explain…

Sometimes when I’m feeling “bad,” I pause and have a brief, mood-shifting convo with myself…

  1. First, I identify how I’m feeling (sad, anxious, depressed, etc.).
  2. Then, I acknowledge that if I am feeling that way, that means I’m thinking (insert same emotion) thoughts.
  3. And then I choose what emotion I’d prefer feeling. Say the same sentence again inserting the preferred emotion. And then I ask myself what I could do, think, focus on instead to feel that way. And I usually shift.

Of course sometimes I’m too bothered, or too upset to access this practice. I don’t do this all the time. However, there are times when I suddenly find myself feeling down and I honestly don’t want to feel that way. And if this practice comes to mind, I do it. And it works each time. So I thought I’d share it with you. A little something you can add to your toolbox.

Here’s an example, if you need one….

“How am I feeling right now? I’m feeling sad. In order to feel sad I must be thinking sad thoughts. Right now I’d rather feel grateful. So in order to feel grateful, I need to think grateful thoughts. What can I think about/focus on/do right now, to help me feel grateful?” And then I do that thing.

I say all of this aloud (to myself). I’m typically alone so it’s easier. But I’m sure it would work similarly in a journal. It’s easy to get distracted or not follow through if I just think it. How I’m feeling may override the process. So it’s best to be actively engaged, as if you’re interviewing yourself. Answer the questions. Think about your answers. And follow through.

Hope this helps.

It’s empowering to choose how we want to feel. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling all our feelings. And it’s equally nothing wrong with choosing that we’d rather feel better in a given moment and give ourselves that gift of a pivot.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Painting My Way Out of Depression

The other day I was feeling really down. And as I sat in my car by the river, I talked myself into following through on an inspired idea. I didn’t feel like it. But it was a beautiful day and earlier I had thought it might be a cool idea to paint by the river.

In the following videos I tell the story of what I did that day and how I used art as therapy for myself. I did healing inner child work while I painted. I engaged in non-stop encouraging self-talk while I painted. It was the most beautiful time.

I’d like to share the story with you, as well as the painting.

This is new… a three part story… told as I display my art. I hope you gain from it. Please overlook my shaky camera work. Multitasking with ADHD can sometimes be challenging for me. Focus on what I’m saying. The videos are empowering. Plus, you’ll get to see my finished painting, and a special surprise guest!

The individual videos are short. About 3 minutes a piece. And worth watching.

So tap/press play on the videos below to hear the full story.

BTW I don’t believe I cussed in any of these, but choose your environment well to be on the safe side. lol

Here’s Part 1…

And Part 2…

And…. Part 3!

Thank you for being here, and for checking these out.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

If you are interested in purchasing my new painting (or any prints, merch, etc., that I may produce if ADHD is kind) or would like to share encouraging words, please comment below. Thank you so much.