I Give What I Want to Receive

I’m not sure when I started doing this, but for the longest time, if I wished someone would reach out to me, I reached out to someone else. If I felt lonely, I’d check on somebody that I wondered if anyone else ever checked on. I gave what I wished I’d receive.

The image in the background is my recent painting, “We Are Trees.” Learn more about it here.

I know what it is to have a new thing I’ve created and want to get new eyes on it. So when my friends post the new thing they’re doing, I check it out, and share it. I don’t make assumptions about my “audience” and not share their posts because I’m so certain no one I know could use what they’re offering. If I think it’s likely of value, even if I haven’t tried it myself, I will share it. I won’t lie, and endorse it, with my words. But I will share the post and give other people the opportunity to see it and inquire about it.

There are a few friends, like a handful of friends, who will do the same for me. And I guess there’s room for the reality that I show up in the ways that I do, because that’s natural to me. And they show up in the ways that are natural for them. And there’s also room for the reality that people support my work and don’t tell me. I’ve had numerous occasions where it came up in conversation that someone had purchased a tee or mug years or months ago. They never said a word to me, and if it hadn’t come up in conversation, I would’ve never known. I appreciate their support. They didn’t have to buy from me….

AND if people are silently supporting me, I don’t know they’re supporting me. So even though their purchase of my children’s book was the reason I was able to buy one more item at the grocery store, or put one more gallon of gas in my car, I don’t receive a personal message saying, “Barbara bought a book, mug, or tee,” so I think the money was a random blessing. I am grateful that someone purchased a product, but I just receive the royalties. I get an extra $3 to $9 in my account here or there, but have no idea who made the purchase. So not knowing that my friend is the one who bought it—although I feel grateful for the sale—I still feel relatively unsupported… emotionally. I kinda wish people would say something. “Hey girl, I just bought your book on Amazon. Keep going.” Something simple like that would mean the world to me.

I think this is where humility can be a less than helpful thing in the lives of those we care about. Growing up, I rarely ever heard my parents say anything positive about me. Granted, they may have said things to their friends or other family members, but they almost never said that stuff to me. I think I was 29 the first time I heard my mom say she was proud of me. This isn’t a knock to her as a parent. (I’m pretty sure I can come up with way better examples, if that was the goal 😂). And I typically heard my dad tell me of other people’s successes, rather than receive positive affirmations regarding my accomplishments. And I don’t hold it against him. Much of this is generational and cultural. AND the impact is still the same. I went most of my life having no idea that my parents thought I was doing anything right, because they never said it…. to me.

I am grateful for having friends older than me, many who were friends with my parents that I eventually became close to, who shared things with me to let me know things I didn’t hear my parents say. But without them, I would’ve gone my whole life thinking whatever, because they never said it to me.

Some time ago, I did a post… possibly an early vlog… where I told parents that every child (their offspring regardless of age) needs to hear the words, “I love you,” “I believe in you,” and “I’m proud of you.” A person could be 73 and hear the words “I’m proud of you,” for the first time from their 98 year old father, and crumble like they were 10 years old. These are words that matter and that a person will go their whole life needing to hear, even if they don’t realize it matters right now.

Similarly, when we withhold words of encouragement, that text or call when we thought about that person, or simply sharing your friend’s small business post, we have no idea what pain we leave them sitting in. Those words of encouragement might be what they needed in that moment they were thinking of giving up—and not necessarily giving up on life, but maybe a dream, a goal, a business, or even on themselves.

My cousin taught me many years ago that when a person crosses your mind, to go ahead and call them, text them, and just check on them. And since then, I do make that a practice. I cannot count the many times that the person has responded that it was right on time—that they needed that in that exact moment.

And, of course, there are limits. I set boundaries… and keep them. If I think of my exes, I’m not about to reach out. 😂 And I have friendships that ended and I’m not about to reopen that relationship to send a message. There was a time that I would have, but I protect my energy better now. So in those circumstances, I may say a prayer, imagine good flowing to them, or send them good vibes.

But back to the point of this post….

I wish people supported me the way I support them. I don’t do things in a transactional way. I don’t share their posts because I want them to share mine. I share them to support what they’re doing and to give them more opportunities to reach a new audience. And I’ve had people reach out to me about connecting with various people I have shared. AND I have had a few friends who have connected me to opportunities, shared my posts, and who regularly support what I do.

And I wish more did it… voluntarily… like I do. I wish the people I regularly share with my community, reciprocated and shared what I do with their community. Annnd it’s okay if they don’t. I don’t want them to do it out of obligation….

I just wish more of those people didn’t just tell me they think I’m doing great work, but would actually share the great work I’m doing. They have a vast audience. Who knows how a simple share could positively impact my life?

I wish more people wouldn’t make assumptions about their audience, but would share my work and let people decide for themselves.

I’ve had friends say they didn’t share my book, I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! because they didn’t think their friends were my target market. It’s a children’s book about a little girl who is learning to love herself and her natural features. It’s a universal message. I have had people of all backgrounds, cultures, colors, and nationalities tell me that they could relate to the book and share the value of its message. But my close friend assumed that because it features children with curly hair and diverse skin tones that their friends would not be interested. So they never shared it.

I’ve also had friends assume that because the book tells the story of a little girl that it’s a book for girls. So when little boys’ birthdays come up, they ask if I have any books for boys. However, in my classroom boys gladly chose I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! from our library for silent reading. It’s a good book, that tells a story, and it’s colorful and relatable. And the words rhyme so children easily follow along. They aren’t thinking, “This is a girls’ book.” They just see it as a good book. So they grab it and read it.

We place our own biases on things and assume other people think like us, when that’s not always the case. We don’t support our friends’ businesses by simply sharing their posts, because we make assumptions about what will appeal to those in our friends list. But, honestly, we don’t know what people will or will not like or need. And we not only do our creative friends a disservice, we also are doing our community a disservice because the post we withhold could be exactly what they need.

Anywho, just felt like sharing that. I hope it inspires you to show up for yourself (sharing your own work) and for those around you. You never know who needs what you have to share. And you never know who needs to hear from you when you get that urge. Like I said before, hold boundaries for yourself. Not everyone needs to be back in your life. AND there are some people who would love to hear from you.

Life is unpredictable. And the missed moments haunt us when time runs out. So learn from me and do the thing, send the message, make the call, plan the date. Support your friends and loved ones. Tell the people who matter to you that they matter. If you’ve got kids, it’s never too late to say, “I love you,” “I believe in you,” and “I’m proud of you.” If you mean it, and you think it, say it. You’ll never know how much it could matter.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Since I mentioned it a bazillion times in this post, I guess I should share the read aloud for my book, I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! It really is a book for any child. It’s not exclusive. Just like Disney movies aren’t just stories for the people who look like the characters. It’s just a great story that kids love. So check it out and if you feel compelled to share about it, please do. And if you want a copy, I’ll leave a button below and link. Thanks.

Omg…. So, this is wild. You know how I just wrote this whole post saying how people have supported me and I had no idea, because they didn’t tell me? So I just went to YouTube and did a quick search to find the link for my read aloud video for my book. And I came across this review of my book THAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN! It was posted 12 years ago and I HAD NO IDEA! I would’ve been sooo happy, and appreciative, and and felt so encouraged, and definitely would’ve shared it.

A special thank you The Life Design Studio, Vanyce, & Valante Maria for your unwavering support.

And I am so grateful that my book meant so much to them that they took the time to record and share about it. Wow. So grateful I came across it today!

And here’s my readaloud as promised. You can check out to hear and see my book and products. If you buy the book, you can play this video and they can read along with me.