Okay, some women… well… some hetero women… Just let me explain…
What often gets lost in the shuffle are the intentions that sparked that go-getter perspective. It’s not that provision doesn’t matter. It’s that provision without presence erodes relationships.
If you’re a man who’s doing all he can to provide and you seem to get nothing but complaints about you not being home, this is for you. I’m on your side. Press play below.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
I think this may be the first in a series. I feel like there’s more to be said, but I believe this is a good start to this conversation. I want to see more understanding in relationships and help support healthy communication. I feel that many relationships end over poor communication. And this topic is a big one in a lot of relationships.
This is not a lecture… at all. I’m just sharing a story and I hope it helps make things a little clearer. Just check it out.
Thanks for being here. Let me know if this helps or if you have questions you’d like me to address. That could be fun. You can comment below.
BTW… I’m offering this as support for those who needed to hear this. If you do not agree or feel supported by this message, it’s not for you. I am never here to debate. This is just my perspective and around here I don’t do the back and forth. If you don’t like my opinion, there are many other bloggers and podcasters you may better align with. No need to comment. Also, feel free to check out some of my other blog posts and podcast episodes. You may find something there that you like. Blessings!
Lately… the last few days… I’ve been dealing with a loss. I’ve been emotional and angry and frustrated and all the things, even though my friend passed many months ago.
Grief is like that. There’s no real timeline. And the most random things can have you thinking about a person, missing a person, and being angry all over again that they aren’t here….
So I recorded this raw but hopefully supportive message and sharing that wouldn’t go away. I was headed to bed, but I felt a really strong pull to post this so there’s no meme, it’s unedited, and I hope it serves you… or whoever you feel led to share it with.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
I love you. Thank you for being here. Feel my true embrace if you need it. We’re in this together.
Our ability to access parts of ourselves has much to do with proximity.
In certain environments we thrive. In the company of certain people we’re brave. Around certain others we feel powerless. Our ability to tap into our greatness, and tendency to shift into weakness, has much to do with proximity.
I just woke from a dream. I was at some kind of fair, amusement park, petting zoo-like place. I wandered off from my family group and went to a particular “exhibit” (for lack of a better word). In this area, we were able to sit in, and interact with, nature in a way we typically wouldn’t. We got to sit and play within an ecosystem that is more common for reptiles and outdoor creatures. It was really cool.
I giddily sat and played in the dirt as adults and children of all nationalities enjoyed being up close with cute little snakes and tiny creatures. It was fun to just explore as kids together.
While in there, a tiny snake no bigger than my little finger crawled on my leg and I thought nothing if it. I gently removed it and gently place it back in the soil. Another smaller one got on my calf and I did the same. I looked at the woman kneeling and playing with her son in front of me and said, “I’m clearly some place new because thiis doesn’t even bother me.” She smiled and nodded with understanding. This place was different. In this place we were different.
As I stood and followed the instructions on the entryway sign (“Be sure to clean yourself off real good to ensure no critters get a free ride.”), I thought to myself, “This has got to be a special place because I would never under normal conditions.”
As I left the critter play area and returned to my family (who were standing around taking group photos) my glee was palpable as I asked, “Where are we?”
Then I woke up.
I immediately started writing this as the implications from the dream were very clear to me. In certain environments we say, “yes,” to things we would never consider elsewhere. In certain environments, we entertain people, and activities, that we would never at this point in our lives. In certain company we say things that we would never around different people.
And it all makes me wonder how much of who we are, and who we present ourselves as on a regular basis, has less to do with personality and more to do with proximity.
Am I truly who I am or am I the product of my environment?
Now I could go in a lot of directions from here and I’m sure (well, guessing) your mind went a couple places, too….
Who you are around your old roommate, or college buddies, is probably different than who you are with your spouse or colleagues. Who you are around your kids, or coworkers, is probably different than who you were in high school.
If you’ve navigated multiple friend groups (had friends that were very different so you hung out with them separately) you probably discussed certain topics, listened to certain music, watched certain shows/movies with one group and not the other.
And I’m not saying that’s right or wrong. fake or eclectic. I’m just acknowledging how we morph… well, most of us morph… to fit our environments. And we shift the levels on what is and isn’t okay for us based on our environment.
I think that when we acknowledge this we develop room in our minds for a few things.
We can develop empathy and compassion for groups we previously didn’t understand. We can look at their situations in terms of where they live, what they have access to, their struggles and their strengths…given their environment.
We can look at ourselves, and our past selves, and see whether the challenges we currently experience would even be issues in our old environment.
Would I be afraid to try this if I was my college/high school self? Would I feel comfortable saying/thinking this if ______ was around? Would I support this person, or this cause, when I was the version of myself I’m most proud of?
Who have I become? What parts are unacceptable? What can I change to be more aligned with the core of me? Is my inner child proud of, or confused about, who I have become? How can I bring back aspects of the version of me when I was most proud, brave, safe, certain, confident, the real ME?
Take the time, just 5 to 10 minutes and answer these for yourself.
As I wrote this, the temptation present to guide you toward causes and considerations I’d want you to think about. AND I feel there is far more value in you deciding for yourself what aspects of your persona are truly you, and what of who you’ve become is purely environment.
I hope you’ll take this opportunity to evaluate yourself and reclaim and discard aspects accordingly. That’s what I plan to do… beginning with answering the questions above.
Weirdest thing happened during today’s podcast. I got on to talk about my experience in relationships that lack reciprocity and midsentence I had an epiphany that caused me to reconsider my perspective.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
Today, I realized something during the podcast that will shape the way I view myself in relationships moving forward. I realized that there was a flaw in my interpretation of what happened in past relationships. It didn’t turn to self-blame, though. Just a new perspective and something to consider that I’d like to share with you.
Trigger warning: I do mention and talk about sooizsidull ideation in this episode (and something else similar but ADHD so I can’t remember what it was.) Nothing extreme, though. I don’t describe an act or anything. Just the presence of the thoughts and how certain circumstances can invite them in.
This is a valuable conversation about trust and authenticity in relationships. I think you can gain much from it. So press play (above) and let me tell you a story.
