Vulnerable post…

So today, like literally minutes ago, I sat down to process how I was feeling. This is my actual journal entry. A convo between me and my higher self…. that inner knowing that we all have, but few of us tap into.

Here it goes…

“Based on the world/society’s standard, I don’t feel successful.

Based on the world/society’s standard, I don’t feel like a good parent/mom. 

I feel inadequate, slow, behind, not good enough, like I’m failing my daughter, like I’m failing at life… And I have a constant reminder in my home to ensure I never let that go. Why is this my life?

Because you need to teach the people it’s not about out there. It’s not about what they think. It’s about what you think. And the sooner you begin to practice letting that go and remembering, “That’s their standard, not mine,” the sooner you’ll begin to feel successful. 

You don’t feel successful by THEIR standards, but if you look at yourself by YOUR standards, you’re doing VERY well. 

Take the time and sit with it. What is your standard? What makes a good person? a good parent? a decent human? someone worthy of living a life of abundance? Does it match society’s standard? No. You already know the answer. But the thing is, you don’t have to match society’s standard to be successful. You have to shift in your mind what the standard of success is, from theirs to yours. And until you do that, and consistently remind yourself of that shift, you will continue to feel unsuccessful.” 

So, I’m not even gonna edit it. I’m just gonna leave it there. I hope that it’s helpful for you. I need to sit with what my beliefs are about the stuff I beat myself up about. And I need to separate society’s (my family’s, school mates, adults I grew up around) standards from my own and make MY standard the only standard that matters to me. It will take work, but it’s worth it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m failing at life no matter how much I do and accomplish. Just the inner work alone should matter more than it does.

So I’m gonna leave you with this. You can do your own inner work. Sit with a journal or your notes app, or just walk in the woods and talk to the trees. Whose standards are you judging yourself by? Are their standards the same as yours? For example, some people think that you are a better person if you have more than others. Is that your standard? Some feel that you’re successful based on what you can by, not on who you are. Is that your standard, or society’s? Take the time to think about what you value in people. Look at the people you admire. What qualities in them cause you to see them as valuable, inspiring, good, successful…? What do you like about them? Can you make that concept more general? (For example, if you like a baseball player because they’re an amazing pitcher, maybe what you truly like is that they have mastered the skills to excel at what they do. So mastery of skills is what you value, not just great pitching. Get it?)

So do this for yourself. Maybe make a side by side chart of society’s values versus your values. And keep the list of your values somewhere that you can see it every day. This way, when your mind tries to tell you that you’re not winning at life, you can refer to your list and realize that you’re doing better than you thought. This is what I’m going to do today because I need to shift how I see myself. And maybe you do, too.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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