I called this episode “The Death of People Pleasing” because that’s how it feels for me. As someone who started people pleasing VERY early in life, it is a beautiful thing to say how that tendency is dissipating.
One of the greatest lessons came to me painfully when I realized that the same people I would all but give my last breath to would never do that for me. And that could do everything right and they’d still find something to be upset about.
There’s something about realizing that you’re on a one way street in a relationship that makes you rethink your level of commitment. I’m grateful for the day I realized that trying to keep people happy is like trying to blow out one of those trick birthday candles—you know the ones that when you think you blew it out, it just lights again? That’s what it’s like.
We can’t keep people happy. We can do everything we know to do to keep a smile on their face, BUT ultimately their happiness has NOTHING to do with what WE’RE doing, and everything to do with what they are thinking and feeling. And guess what. We can’t control what they’re thinking and feeling.
I got tired of running myself down…. I got tired of running myself down for people who would never run themselves down to support me. I got tired of running myself down to make people happy, only for them to find something new to be upset about a few minutes later, or worse for them to be ungrateful for the backbreaking effort I put in.
As we evolve and grow on this self-love journey, it’s important that we notice where we are investing our energy. If it’s pointless, why keep doing it? If you’re people pleasing, what is the deeper reason for (what do you gain from) doing it?
Tough truth…. chances are that your people pleasing tendency is rooted in fear, rather than love. You may tell yourself you do it FROM love, but more than likely you do it FOR love…. And that “Yay, I made them happy,” reward system feels like love. And when their happiness wears off…. we’ve gotta go make them happy again to get that “fix” of “love” again.
Real love isn’t temporary and conditional like that. But chances are we learned very early in life that love feels like “they’re happy with me.” And that starts the cycle.
I could say more, but I leave you with that. Check out the podcast episode. It’s a good one.
Check out today’s episode!
Day 18 “The Death of People Pleasing” #TAKEITEASY Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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