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Diagnosis Isn’t a Bad Thing

It’s a complex emotional experience when you realize that everything you were criticized for, got in trouble for, were abandoned for, and have countless traumatic moments about… were are all traits of neurodivergence.

Meme Image: a curly haired woman clasping her hands before her face, eyes closed Text states: “It’s a complex emotional experience, when you realize everything you were criticized for, got in trouble for, were even abandoned for
are all traits of neurodivergence.”
— Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
mdillondesigns.com/blog

Let’s talk a little bit about neurodiversity. I want to share some things with you that I believe will either support you or support someone around you. Just go there with me for a sec….

There’s so much self-loathing that occurs when you spend a large part of your life apologizing for doing/not doing things that bother/hurt other people that are beyond your control. Being diagnosed in adulthood is such a gift to so many people who felt their whole lives that they just couldn’t get things right, couldn’t please anybody, couldn’t complete tasks on time only to find out it was not their fault.

I am one of those individuals who found self-acceptance when I received my ADHD diagnosis. I had no idea. ADHD didn’t look like ADHD in me. What I thought it was supposed to look like was not my life.

But then I began to learn about how it commonly presents differently in women and girls. And I began to learn, one post at a time, what that looked like. I began to see posts about neurodivergence that completely related to my experience. I began to put the puzzle pieces together. And then I was formally assessed.

I sat through hours and hours of interviews, question after question after question for 3 days. Then I did 100s of questions in two online assessments. All were undeniably conclusive. I have ADHD.

Even as I answered the questions, I began to put the puzzle pieces together and see that my experience of childhood, relationships, school, etc. was not as unique as I thought. A misfit in my family/household, but completely “normal” in terms of ADHD symptoms.

It was such a freeing thing. I finally had an answer to why my journey had been so uphill, so hard, so painful (by comparison to my peers). I finally understood why it took me so long to complete things, why I delayed starting big projects (even when I wanted to start early), why I forgot things and lost things and why 5 years could go by like 5 minutes.

I finally was beginning to feel whole. And I began to share my experience because that’s part of my calling (to share as I learn). It was hard to have well-meaning friends reach out to tell me they felt my diagnosis was bull, that the medical industry is trying to get everyone on meds and giving out the diagnoses willy nilly for that cause, that I’ve done too much and accomplished too much to have ADHD (wait til I get the autism diagnosis, they’ll really be lost), and worst of all that “aren’t we all a little ADHD/neurodivergent?”

I share these things, not to shame those who reached out, but to discourage you from doing these things and saying these things. To a person who is newly diagnosed, the diagnosis may be the hope they’ve waited for their whole lives. This may be the key to their self-acceptance. It may be the answer to the question that has been in their mind (and asked of them) their whole life…. “what’s wrong with me?” And the diagnosis may have finally answered that ache in their soul…. “Nothing’s wrong with you. Your brain just works differently.” To feel that you’re helping by telling someone their diagnosis is bullshit is hurtful, not helpful.

If they are crying about it, and devastated and think it’s complete bull, by all means, do your friend thing and tell them, “The doctors got it wrong. Go get a second opinion.” But if they have not expressed to you that this diagnosis feels bad for them, and it is actually making their life make sense, DON’T ASSUME THAT A DIAGNOSIS IS A BAD THING. For them, it might be the hope they’ve longed for their whole life.

Alright, guess that’s all. Have a blessed day.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

#adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #mindyourbusiness

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We Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That

TW (trigger warning): mention of suicidal ideation, suicide and death in blog and podcast episode. I had a point, but if it’s much for you check out one of my many other posts.

This year has been…. whoa. It’s been one “are you kidding me?” after another.

For many of us the end of this year has felt like a “death march.” I know it surely has for me. I spent most of November in a fog and December in a daze. I looked up and Christmas was here and I just wasn’t in the spirit.

Meme Image: Boxer leaning on the ropes regrouping. Text states: “We’re still here. So we still have purpose. It ain’t over. It may look like we’re down for the count, but we ain’t goin’ out like that. Let’s regroup.”
— Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
mdillondesigns.com/blog — *Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.*

Press play to listen to today’s podcast. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Blessings!

For many of us, the coming year looks like a bag of crap someone lit on fire and left on our porch. And for that, many of us aren’t seeing much to celebrate. I’m one of those people. AND I decided today that it’s gotta be more to it than this.

I was just watching the Watch Noon service that took place today at my church. In the Black church we often have a service late on New Year’s Eve that leads into the New Year’s Day. It’s called a “watch night” service. I just learned today that it is a historical thing that came from enslaved African Americans who were waiting and watching for the new year to begin because at midnight they would be free. Now, I understand why other cultures don’t do a watch night service.

Anywho in this service Pastor Sharpe talked about how they year didn’t take us out, and couldn’t take us out, because there are promises that have yet to be fulfilled that we are a part of. It made me think of the many moments in my lifetime, and in this year, that I thought could’ve taken me out.

A lot of people are more comfortable talking about mental health nowadays, and I’m grateful for it, but some things people still aren’t comfortable hearing (or saying). As a person who has dealt with depression for most of my life, and anxiety most of my life, and who has dealt with suicidal ideation in waves for most of my life (since I was about 12 years old), his message hit me a lil different.

I realize that every time the most random thing snapped me out of that defeated line of thinking, that it had to, because I have purpose. Now, I have my daughter, so that’s not even an option. No matter how bleak life becomes, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. I’m not letting her go through this life solo. She’ll have me here to help her make sense of it all.

But I digress. Point is I’m still here. So are you. SO we clearly still have purpose. It’s not over. Some would want us to believe that it is but it’s not.

One of the best tactics of manipulative people is to convince their opponents that they are defeated before the game is over. If you can get the goodhearted to forfeit, “evil” wins. The goodhearted follow the rules and when they lose while following the rules the tendency is to give up. The manipulative opponents don’t think that way. They will change the rules to ensure they win.

As far as I see, either we change the rules or we change the game entirely. We have to shift our focus off of what’s outside of our control and begin to remember what is within our control. We get to remember that if we are still here, we still have purpose.

It’s not over. This is just the beginning of a new chapter, a new season, a new series. Like back in the day when I’d watch Batman (the TV show). At the end of each episode the narrator would say something like, “Is this the end for our caped crusader?” And it would be so terrifying to see the predicament he was in, but somewhere in the back of our minds we knew it wasn’t really over. Somehow in the next episode he had to overcome what was going on, even though it looked impossible.

And that’s how I’m choosing to look at what’s before us. This sh*t looks like it’s gonna take us out, but I am choosing to hold out and see what’s possible. Some unexpected circumstances may be before us, some predictions may not come true, some of our worst fears may even occur, but that doesn’t mean it’s over.

New fed up leaders may rise up. New programs and services may spring up. New movements for change may arise. You may be led to create something new that is a solution. I may get the urge to create a new service. This pressure that many of us are feeling may be the thing that gives birth to our best selves.

Let’s shift our focus off of the angst, off the dread, off the “oh dear gawd what’s gonna happen now?” and choose to move forward with curiosity. Maybe this had to happen for us to take our power back. Maybe this is the pain the births our best version. Maybe beyond the bad there’s some good stuff on the horizon. Maybe it’s gonna come through you.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Learn more about me….

If you’d like to support my work, please check out my Support Page for multiple options. Thank you so much for being here.

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Focus In On Your Needs

So many of us are unaware that we’re still nursing wounds from childhood. And as we come into that realization, we get to approach our relationships, our interactions, and our choices differently.

We get to spend the rest of our lives putting smiles on our own faces and helping our inner child feel safe, seen, and heard.

We get to enter situations, and address relationships, from a place of protecting that little one within.

We begin to make our decisions with the thought in our minds that our inner child is asking us questions like:
– Why do you let them talk to me this way?
– Can we do something fun, today?
– Why doesn’t it ever matter what I think? You only care about what makes them happy.
– They are making me feel uncomfortable, can I please leave now?
– Do you love me?
– Can you please help me feel loved by you?

When we begin to notice our shifts in mood, and recognize that our emotions are signals telling us how we truly feel about a situation, we can begin to tune in to that inner voice of our inner child and be to ourselves what we wish they had been for us.

This season is a perfect time to begin practicing this. Tune in to yourself whenever you feel “off,” agitated, uncertain, confused, or suddenly sad. And ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” “What just happened that didn’t feel good?”

Check in with yourself. Make it a habit. By connecting with your inner child, and choosing to prioritize being good to yourself, you’ll begin to make different choices that serve you and our world better.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

#innerhealing #happinessquotes #innerchildhealing

Were You a Fool or a Mark?

There is a difference between a fool and a “mark.” We are all capable of making silly choices, but some of us were targeted for manipulation. When we make that distinction, we can begin to retell the story to ourselves in a way that allows us to forgive ourselves and reclaim our power.

After completing a relationship, where we felt someone took advantage of us, rather than be tender with ourselves, we tend to beat ourselves up. We label ourselves as silly, foolish, gullible, and naïve. We look for reasons why it happened to us, what we did wrong. We view our positive characteristics as weaknesses. We draw conclusions like, “People think I am stupid,” “no one can be trusted,” and “that’s what I get for being so nice.” We say things like, “I shouldn’t be so trusting” and “good guys finish last.” Sometimes we even decide to become more like the ones who hurt us believing that if we drop the kindness, and put on the “heartless,” we will protect ourselves from future hurt.

Unfortunately, when we review our situations from a place of feeling victimized, we don’t heal. We often put on protective personas that are not us, and put up protective walls so high, and impenetrable, that even the good can’t get in. It’s the equivalent of stacking bandages on an infected wound. The bandages may provide some protection from additional outside injury, but they are also preventing the wound from being cleaned, receiving antibiotics, and being left to open air to heal.

When we don’t take the time to address our wounds, they remain decaying under our “protection.” We are helping the wound to fester. It is in our best interest, to at some point, address the infection.

What is the infection? The beliefs we took on about ourselves as a result of the relationship. The habits of deferring our power to another. The surrender of our boundaries, rules, and expectations. All of these need to be cleaned from the wound, if we want to truly heal.

Today, I realized that I get to look back at my past experiences in a more empowering way. I can assess the experience after the fact, like an insurance adjuster. I get to objectively review my past and see where things went wrong. What I realized is that it was wrong long before the relationship ended.

Sometimes situations come up and they seem to “blindside” us. I believed that for a long time. However, when I looked back, objectively, I realized that my relationship was wrong from the beginning. I knew it, I saw it, and ignored it. No one took my power away from me; I gave it away. When I recognized that truth, I felt empowered. I realized that although that person targeted me for manipulation, that I ignored what I saw and listened to what I was told. I was not a fool, although I may have played one.

I am so grateful that I took the time to look back on situation after situation, not from a place of anger, or even hurt, but from an objective place of assessment. I put myself on the witness stand and asked the tough questions, such as:

When did you realize that things no longer felt right?
When did you compromise your beliefs, standards, expectations?
Did you feel the relationship was feeding you or draining you? Picture the moments when you felt this.
Look at the numerous times you thought about walking away. Why were you ready to end it those times?
What were some times that you remember it did not feel good anymore?
When did you feel you were being dragged along but weren’t fully in it?
What were the big compromises? the ones that left you feeling you had betrayed yourself?
What was your original plan? Did you stick to it? Did you take on their plan?
Do you recall times where intuition told you something wasn’t right? What were some of those moments?

I asked myself question after question and DID NOT BEAT MYSELF UP. I just asked the questions to show ME where I compromised MYSELF. I saw the numerous moments when I pushed myself to go along with what didn’t feel right. There were numerous moments where I saw our core values were not aligned. There were numerous moments when I felt as if intuition was screaming, “Pay attention!”

Taking the time to recognize this was so powerful. I realized that I surrendered control when I turned down the volume of my intuition. Seeing that helped me to realize it was a choice. From now on, I choose to trust myself more than I trust anyone else. I am wiser than I gave myself credit, and likely you are, too.

If you were in a relationship that negatively impacted your self worth, or if you can review your timeline and realize you were happily on your way up until that relationship came along, it may be a good idea to assess what happened. Feel free to use some of my questions above to help yourself review it objectively. Maybe ask a trusted close friend to go through the questions with you, if you feel you’ll need support, or bring it to therapy.

I set aside a few hours to unpack this and I felt so light after I was done. I didn’t even realize I was carrying that weight all this time. Be objective. Act as if you are a detective looking for clues of when it stopped being a blessing.

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP. You are looking for answers that will help you see the truth, heal, and move on with your life. There were lessons in that relationship that can empower you, and likely someone else. Look back with the intention to forgive yourself for trusting someone else more than you trust yourself. And decide to never let that happen again.

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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Thank you so much. Blessings!

Marlene Dillon is a single mom of a phenomenal teen daughter, an inspirational blogger, girls empowerment speaker, children’s author, artist, designer, podcaster, songwriter and so much more. To learn more about her, check out the whole site. A great place to begin is the about page at mdillondesigns.com.

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