Writing My Way Thru It

Every once in a while (more this year than ever), I use poetry to vent, get things off my chest, make sense of life….

This is one of those times….

Ugh. Not sure if that’s a word

Just annoyed and no better way to describe but…. ugh

Ultimately failing at life. At least that’s how I feel.

Genuinely over the effort of it all… the work, the flops, the failures, that not-enoughness…

Hhhhhh… hard to phonetically recreate the sound of an extended, exasperated sigh, but hhhhhhhh will have to do.

Over it. Not like, gonna do something about it, over it. But more like “this f*cking sucks,” shake my first to the heavens, roll my eyes, cry a little (or a lottle) and then get back in line and go through the motions until the wave hits me again next month.

Whether it’s hormones, or bill due dates, end of month poverty, or real legit troubles, I’m gonna ride this wave tonight like the thousands before.

Gonna close my eyes and sleep. Gonna wake and do my roles….

Gonna cry a little. Maybe sigh a little.

Gonna find reasons to smile and laugh and sing. Gonna slowly, but surely, release this thing….

This inner beast that won’t let me go. The one that resurfaces monthly to tempt me to go.

But the truth that shines light is I’ve been here before. Since twelve, a preteen with a heart that was sore.

Took a long while to catch on to the signs, this monthly routine that goes on in my mind….

I found a key phrase that shows up every time. The “sound” that alerts me like dropping a dime.

I know when I hear it to start breathing slow, to not take it serious, to know it will go.

So though this month feels way worse than before. I heard that key phrase from my heart that’s still sore.

No need for alarm, just breathe slow. It will pass. We’ve been here before. We know it won’t last…..

I saw a post a tonight. It was just a photo of a page of poetry. When I saw it, I remembered how writing helps me transition through these challenging moments. So I got on here to share my process, while writing my way through tough emotions.

It helped, as it always does.

Thanks for being here and for reading. If you know someone who struggles with depression, especially around the end/beginning of the months, maybe share it with them (if it feels like a good idea).

I hope this helps somebody. Much love and as always…

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Blessings,

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

It’s About Damn Time

Probably my shortest podcast of all time, AND still a powerful one. I had an epiphany today that came as the result of a mistake. I’m so grateful it happened, because this is lesson I needed to learn.

Check it out.

Meme: Illustration of a clock running across a blue background, the word LATE written in black on the face of the clock. Text states: “Some of us were taught in childhood that it’s our job to keep everybody happy and that we’re not allowed to make mistakes. They lied.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist Share & Let's Live! podcast logo watermark in top right corner mdillondesigns.com
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

Oh… BTW… Here are some affirmations I came up with yesterday while I was on my way. I wrote them down at the red lights to practice with my inner child. Gotta rewire the tendency to feel bad for these things.

So if you need to do this inner rewiring as well, try these:
-“It’s not my job to keep everybody happy.”
-“It’s not my job to live an uncomfortable life for everybody’s convenience.”
-“I am good, even when I make mistakes.”
-“I am allowed to make mistakes.”
-“Even good people make mistakes.”

Write them down somewhere you’ll see them regularly (on a Post-It in your cubicle, on your bathroom mirror, in your Notes app, etc.). We need to remind ourselves until it becomes our natural next thought when we’re being hard on ourselves. We’re creating a new habit of thought to replace the old.

Hope this helps.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

BTW Here’s the song I referenced in today’s podcast…

Bare Minimum: What Are You Hungry For?

When I look back on my relationships, there’s definitely a pattern. Once I recognize I’ve been “chosen,” I race in, full of excitement, ignore the red flags, forget my intentions, and give it my all.

Meme: Image of a plate of food with one small potato, one piece of shrimp“ and just the tip of one asparagus spear. Text states: Some people are pros at identifying, people’s hunger. They use this info to offer the bare minimum and get all they want.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist mdillondesigns.com/blog
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

In retrospect, it’s always pretty embarrassing. I wonder how I forgot I said this was one I couldn’t trust, or this one was just temporary, or this one I wasn’t even interested in at all. Whether it’s a friend, partner, or business partner, there came a point when they said or did something that convinced me that I was chosen and that they “saw” me. And that meant everything to me, because it meant that they saw me as significant.

“One of the most dangerous things for a person to come across in their lives is a person with ill intentions who recognizes the one thing they want more than anything.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

One of the most dangerous things for a person to come across in their lives is a person with ill intentions who recognizes the one thing they want more than anything. Why? Because they’ll become the greatest actor, and offer what the person clearly wants, just long enough to gain their loyalty and devotion. Then, they can easily get what they really came for.

So whether it’s a homeless narcissist who quickly “falls in love” because he needs a place to stay, or a person with no credentials who claims sisterhood so she can convince you to use your degree and accomplishments to partner with her in business, there are actually people out there who partner with others, by offering to feed your hunger, because they know that’s the quickest way to get what they want.

If you’ve ever (unfortunately) experienced a narcissist, that’s how, and why, lovebombing works. They quickly figure out what you need most (what you’re hungry for) and offer it until you’re fully all in. They get what they want, and when they’re done using you, they snatch that meal right back.

As I reflect on the graveyard of my past relationships, I see that each time I accepted the bare minimum because I was hungry.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany regarding where this hunger came from. And today, as I was scrolling Instagram, a video crossed my path that brought tears to my eyes. It echoed the exact same message. And upon seeing it, I knew I had to share this with you.

On today’s podcast, I talk about my epiphany and how the video impacted me. So press play (above) to listen to today’s podcast. Also, I’ll leave the Instagram video, that confirmed my hunch, below.

I hope this will help you gain some answers, some healing, and some closure, as I did.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Here’s the IG video….

Well & H*ll Yes Are Not the Same

My first mentor taught me a valuable lesson that I never forgot. I was in the middle of a really tough situation, because I said, “Yes,” when my gut told me early on that it was a “no.” After I shared my story with her, she said, “God will teach you a lesson in a way that you’ll never forget it.”

Well, for some reason, although I got that lesson, I missed the deeper lesson. Although the details of the scenarios changed, time after time I found myself in situation after situation where I knew early on that it felt like it was a “no,” but I still said, “Yes.”

Late last night, (well, actually early this morning) I came to a conclusion. I realized I had been looking at situations too specifically. When I said, “I won’t do that again,” I was looking at a specific person, a specific decision, etc., but I was missing the general rule.

Meme: Woman standing with hands extended to her sides like a balance as if choosing what's in one hand or the other Text states: "“It’s important to set standard rules for decision making that we can use in any situation.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist mdillondesigns.com/blog
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

On today’s podcast, I figured out the rule. And I believe that sticking with this rule is going to save me from a lot of frustrating moments, a lot of burning bridges, and from improperly investing my energy and time.

I realized two common threads were present in my numerous uncomfortable past situations. One, I didn’t feel at ease, but I said, “Yes,” anyway. Two, I said, “Yes,” out of a sense of fear and desperation. I said, “Yes,” despite feeling uneasy, unavailable, and unaligned, simply because I was afraid of missing out on a potential opportunity. That fear came from desperation…..

Okay, I said enough. Check out the podcast. Listen all the way to the end, even if you have to break it up and listen 10 minutes at a time. You don’t want to miss the ending, but you’ll need the build up to fully get it.

Anywho, enjoy the podcast. I hope you gain a lot from it, as I did.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist