Built Different

In a society that’s focused on being on the grind, busy, and driven all the time, it’s been hard to find peace with my natural rhythm, my flow.

But yesterday, I had a mini convo, in the comments on a post. I woke up thinking about it and realized my pattern. I’m not built to fit this society’s structure. I’m something different.

I’ve been fighting my whole life to catch up, to keep up, to hustle like everybody else. I’ll have a really productive day, get excited about doing it again tomorrow, and wake up with no energy, no focus, no drive. It’s been the most frustrating, discouraging thing for so many years, no, actually, most of my life. I’ll have a season, or a day, of extreme focus and productivity, followed by a complete nothingness. I’ll be trying with all my might, begging my mind to be kind, doing whatever I can to get the drive back, but it’s just gone.

Until fairly recently (maybe the last few months), if I had a rockstar day, I’d be so anxious all evening, knowing I’d likely not be able to do the same the next. But now I just let it be. It’s happened so many times that I recognize the pattern. I still wake up the next day hoping for the best, but if I don’t have it… if the energy doesn’t return, I just go with it. I let myself chill. I don’t even get really upset anymore. But it does still bother me, because I have projects, and books, and programs, and follow-ups that are stacked up waiting on me.

But yesterday, I shared about this phenomenon—the continuous cycle of long bouts of inactivity followed by amazing progress over a 24-72 hour period. In this brief convo, in the comments of a post about ADHD, I realized this is my pattern! Better yet, for the first time, I accepted it as okay… as me… as how I’m meant to do life.

As I jokingly commented that racing to get things done last minute was essentially how I’ve lived my entire life, it didn’t click that there was something important going on here. However, after a great night’s sleep, I woke up, thought about that convo, and realized I was never meant to do life at high levels of productivity every day. It’s not my design. I can’t grind and hustle daily, regardless of how hard I try, because I’m not built for that.

My comment that was intended to vent how my inactivity-productivity cycle is so annoying and makes life hard and frustrating, actually caused me to realize this isn’t something to be fixed. It’s something to be learned. I’m not meant to change it. It’s my natural rhythm. I’m meant to study it, and learn how to work with my natural rhythm. I’ve tried resisting it my whole life. I realize now that I’m wasting my time being mad and sad about it, and trying fight against it. It’s pointless. It’s time to go with the flow… my natural flow.

I’m not designed for the daily hustle and grind. I’m not designed for rigid schedules and 9 to 5 employment. I’m specially designed. I have a different purpose. I was built different. So many people do it naturally, others push themselves and do it because “that’s just the way it is. But I physically cannot do that. My mind and body won’t allow it. And instead of feeling bad about that for the rest of my life, I’m gonna lean in to my own design. I’m going to allow myself to flow the way I flow. I’m going to accept myself fully, and recognize that this is me.

AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. All this time… all my life… I’ve felt defective. Turns out I’m limited edition.

It’s amazing how you can go your whole life feeling wrong, because you don’t fit in with the norms of society. You wake up everyday trying, but you just don’t fit. Everybody seems to share the same way of thinking and it doesn’t make sense to you. You feel, at times, like you’re the only one awake while most are in a dream. You’ve been told that you’re the one doing it wrong, seeing it wrong, and that you’re just not trying hard enough, so you keep trying, and trying to be like everyone else. You don’t even consider the possibility that it’s the other way around, that maybe you’re one of few who sees life clearly… or simply that the way everyone else does it just isn’t right for you.

When you don’t fit the norm, and do it like everyone else, they’ll make you out to be defective. For example, being neurodivergent in a neurotypically structured society, is hard. If you’re divergent in any way from the accepted norms, you’re looked at as flawed…that something’s wrong with you. But what if the reason you stand out is because you’re a different breed? What if you’re not wrong, but due to your design, you just can’t help but stand out?

What if you’re meant to soar and that’s why no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to happily cluck and strut like the others? What if your whole life you’ve been trying to be a chicken, but you’re actually an eagle?

This morning, I woke up and thought about that convo. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my products. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my passions. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my purpose. And I realized ain’t nothing wrong with me.

I AM different, because I’m built different. I’m not doing what everybody else is doing, because I’m not designed to do what everybody’s doing. I was never meant to do it the way everybody else does it. I’m built different.

I’m not built to hustle and grind 25/8. I have to conserve my energy, because I’m built to do in one night what takes most people a year. I do far more by inspiration than I could ever do by perspiration. But that’s because I’m built different. I can accomplish more in one day, after a long nap, than most people will accomplish in a year. And that’s not boastful, it’s honest. How many people do you know who can publish a book in single night? I’m just built different. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

That convo allowed me to see things differently, to wake up with a new layer of self-acceptance. Thank you, Jenna. I recognize eagle tendencies in you, too. You’re such an amazing human being. You’re so self aware. You’re so driven and determined, and you care so deeply. You voice your opinions boldly. You educate others. you’re phenomenal. I know you’re going to continue to do amazing things. Our world is so blessed that you are here...

We don’t realize the impact our small interactions can have… that simply commenting from your heart on a post can literally shift the trajectory of a person’s life.

That convo helped me grab a major puzzle piece to really see my truth… my pattern.

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Eagles are meant to see things from a different point of view, to approach life in a different way… It’s okay to be different, especially once you realize you were built different.

And, just for clarity, this post isn’t about saying eagles are better than chickens. It’s about recognizing which one you are and letting that be okay. It’s about finding your pattern and letting it be okay.

When we work with our patterns we can do amazing things.

Work with how you were designed. That’s what I’ll be doing. And I hope that you will continue (or start) to do the same.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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