I woke from a dream a little while ago and this question was on my mind…
“What would it be like to live life without shame?”
As I often do when I’m unsure how to tackle a subject, I decided to respond through poetry.
It helps me trim out the fluff… the excess… to write in a structured format like 5-7-5. Mimicking haiku, forcing my thoughts to show in lines of five syllables, followed by seven syllables, then five again works for me to get my thoughts out succinctly and intentionally. So I choose it again today. Here are the results…
To be free from shame?
To not question if I’m “good”
Good wife? Good mom? Wow!
A whole new life. FREE.
No check-ins? Just me living?
No comparison?
To enjoy my life.
Or simply live it my way
Without questioning…
“Was that good enough?”
Would she think so? Or would he?
To just live my way?
To do life my way
Without constantly checking
If they would be pleased
I don’t know this life
But I am now so eager
To know this freedom.
So grateful I chose to work through this. I’ve yet to experience life in this beautiful and blissfully free way. I look forward to it starting now.
I used to believe shame was necessary in order to live a “good” life. I was raised to believe shame is what keeps us in line and ensures we live as “good citizens” and other BS like that. But I now realize that I don’t have to constantly compare my life and behavior to what everyone else is doing to know right from wrong… or better yet, right for me versus wrong for me. I have an internal something… a knowing… that lets me know if I am on target with what makes sense, feels good, is “appropriate” for my life.
I’m going to use my internal knowing more. And use shame less… until I eliminate it altogether. And the great thing about that is the more I do that for myself, the more I will be an example of this freedom to those around me, including my child.
I am so grateful that I didn’t blow this off. You know, we receive these opportunities to process through our thoughts, to sit with an idea and see how we feel about it. And it’s so easy to ignore that urge and just go on with life. I am so grateful, this time, I got up, grabbed my journal and pen, and decided to work through it.
And I’m so grateful that I decided to share it with you. I hope this is helpful for you.
UPDATE: So I’ve been unpacking this idea and it led to me recording a full podcast episode to go with this poem and post. So please check it out to get the full story behind this blog post.
Listen below. FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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