Built Different

In a society that’s focused on being on the grind, busy, and driven all the time, it’s been hard to find peace with my natural rhythm, my flow.

Meme: Image of an eagle soaring in the sky, wings fully expanded. Text states: “Eagles are meant to see things from a different point of view, to approach life in a different way… It’s okay to be different, especially once you realize you were built different.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist mdillondesigns.com/blog

But yesterday, I had a mini convo, in the comments on a post. I woke up thinking about it and realized my pattern. I’m not built to fit this society’s structure. I’m something different.

I’ve been fighting my whole life to catch up, to keep up, to hustle like everybody else. I’ll have a really productive day, get excited about doing it again tomorrow, and wake up with no energy, no focus, no drive. It’s been the most frustrating, discouraging thing for so many years, no, actually, most of my life. I’ll have a season, or a day, of extreme focus and productivity, followed by a complete nothingness. I’ll be trying with all my might, begging my mind to be kind, doing whatever I can to get the drive back, but it’s just gone.

Until fairly recently (maybe the last few months), if I had a rockstar day, I’d be so anxious all evening, knowing I’d likely not be able to do the same the next. But now I just let it be. It’s happened so many times that I recognize the pattern. I still wake up the next day hoping for the best, but if I don’t have it… if the energy doesn’t return, I just go with it. I let myself chill. I don’t even get really upset anymore. But it does still bother me, because I have projects, and books, and programs, and follow-ups that are stacked up waiting on me.

But yesterday, I shared about this phenomenon—the continuous cycle of long bouts of inactivity followed by amazing progress over a 24-72 hour period. In this brief convo, in the comments of a post about ADHD, I realized this is my pattern! Better yet, for the first time, I accepted it as okay… as me… as how I’m meant to do life.

As I jokingly commented that racing to get things done last minute was essentially how I’ve lived my entire life, it didn’t click that there was something important going on here. However, after a great night’s sleep, I woke up, thought about that convo, and realized I was never meant to do life at high levels of productivity every day. It’s not my design. I can’t grind and hustle daily, regardless of how hard I try, because I’m not built for that.

My comment that was intended to vent how my inactivity-productivity cycle is so annoying and makes life hard and frustrating, actually caused me to realize this isn’t something to be fixed. It’s something to be learned. I’m not meant to change it. It’s my natural rhythm. I’m meant to study it, and learn how to work with my natural rhythm. I’ve tried resisting it my whole life. I realize now that I’m wasting my time being mad and sad about it, and trying fight against it. It’s pointless. It’s time to go with the flow… my natural flow.

I’m not designed for the daily hustle and grind. I’m not designed for rigid schedules and 9 to 5 employment. I’m specially designed. I have a different purpose. I was built different. So many people do it naturally, others push themselves and do it because “that’s just the way it is. But I physically cannot do that. My mind and body won’t allow it. And instead of feeling bad about that for the rest of my life, I’m gonna lean in to my own design. I’m going to allow myself to flow the way I flow. I’m going to accept myself fully, and recognize that this is me.

AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. All this time… all my life… I’ve felt defective. Turns out I’m limited edition.

It’s amazing how you can go your whole life feeling wrong, because you don’t fit in with the norms of society. You wake up everyday trying, but you just don’t fit. Everybody seems to share the same way of thinking and it doesn’t make sense to you. You feel, at times, like you’re the only one awake while most are in a dream. You’ve been told that you’re the one doing it wrong, seeing it wrong, and that you’re just not trying hard enough, so you keep trying, and trying to be like everyone else. You don’t even consider the possibility that it’s the other way around, that maybe you’re one of few who sees life clearly… or simply that the way everyone else does it just isn’t right for you.

When you don’t fit the norm, and do it like everyone else, they’ll make you out to be defective. For example, being neurodivergent in a neurotypically structured society, is hard. If you’re divergent in any way from the accepted norms, you’re looked at as flawed…that something’s wrong with you. But what if the reason you stand out is because you’re a different breed? What if you’re not wrong, but due to your design, you just can’t help but stand out?

What if you’re meant to soar and that’s why no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to happily cluck and strut like the others? What if your whole life you’ve been trying to be a chicken, but you’re actually an eagle?

This morning, I woke up and thought about that convo. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my products. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my passions. I looked at my pattern, then I looked at my purpose. And I realized ain’t nothing wrong with me.

I AM different, because I’m built different. I’m not doing what everybody else is doing, because I’m not designed to do what everybody’s doing. I was never meant to do it the way everybody else does it. I’m built different.

I’m not built to hustle and grind 25/8. I have to conserve my energy, because I’m built to do in one night what takes most people a year. I do far more by inspiration than I could ever do by perspiration. But that’s because I’m built different. I can accomplish more in one day, after a long nap, than most people will accomplish in a year. And that’s not boastful, it’s honest. How many people do you know who can publish a book in single night? I’m just built different. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

That convo allowed me to see things differently, to wake up with a new layer of self-acceptance. Thank you, Jenna. I recognize eagle tendencies in you, too. You’re such an amazing human being. You’re so self aware. You’re so driven and determined, and you care so deeply. You voice your opinions boldly. You educate others. you’re phenomenal. I know you’re going to continue to do amazing things. Our world is so blessed that you are here...

We don’t realize the impact our small interactions can have… that simply commenting from your heart on a post can literally shift the trajectory of a person’s life.

That convo helped me grab a major puzzle piece to really see my truth… my pattern.

Eagles are meant to see things from a different point of view, to approach life in a different way… It’s okay to be different, especially once you realize you were built different.

And, just for clarity, this post isn’t about saying eagles are better than chickens. It’s about recognizing which one you are and letting that be okay. It’s about finding your pattern and letting it be okay.

When we work with our patterns we can do amazing things.

Work with how you were designed. That’s what I’ll be doing. And I hope that you will continue (or start) to do the same.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Speaking of purpose and being built different. Did you hear about my new line of greeting cards for people with awkward relationships? If you have an… interesting relationship with your mom, and card shopping is typically frustrating and emotionally draining, check out my new collection of Mother’s Day cards and gift mugs. Order today so they arrive in time.

Get them here: https://www.zazzle.com/collections/mothers_day-119336705061807333

Greeting Cards for Awkward Relationships

Sooo… I’ve been thinking of doing this for a while, but decided this year that I would launch my own line of greeting cards, specifically for people with awkward relationships.

My whole life, Mother’s Day card shopping has been a dreaded and excruciating process, because none of the cards in stores in the least bit relate to the relationship I have with my mother. So after last year’s painful experience that turned into a blog post and podcast, I mentioned to a dear friend that I had been thinking about creating my own line. And she was ecstatic about it. I had no idea she’d been suffering in silence and had the same relationship with her mother.

So, I decided to set this as one of my goals for the year, to launch my greeting card line in time for Mother’s Day! I’m super excited to announce that my greeting card collection is now available! Order quickly so you can get your card in time to sign it and give it to her for Mother’s Day.

Order today (at the time of this posting) while they’re 20% OFF!

Check out my collection!

Oh, and this morning, I decided to add some matching mugs!

Just an FYI, these are actual physical, printed cards with an envelope, like you would buy in a store
(except way better because they are unique, genuine, honest AND customizable).

AND just like my cards, you can personalize them! So maybe you call her “Mum” or “Mother” or “Babs.” You can change that on both the cards and the mugs! Just use the “personalize this design” feature. Cool, right?

Order Today!

Here’s the link to my collection: https://www.zazzle.com/collections/mothers_day-119336705061807333 Just an FYI, these are actual physical, printed cards like you would buy in a store (except better because they are unique, genuine, honest AND customizable). Keep checking back, as I get inspirations randomly and you may look and find throw pillows next time. 😂

Thanks for being here and thanks for your support. Please like and share this post! There may be someone you know who is suffering in silence and these could save them some pain and frustration. So share!

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Curious about other items I have in my online store? Check out my Shop page!

Visit My Shop

When Mother’s Day is Awkward

I believe it was last Mother’s Day when I first shared this. It’s still a very vulnerable, and honestly uncomfortable, thing to share. I’ve just reached a point in my life where my purpose matters more than keeping up appearances. So here’s my story….

Meme Image: Floral pink tulip background Text: “Searching for the perfect Mother’s Day card is not easy when you don’t have a great relationship with you mom. It’s a painful annual reminder that everyone else has the relationship you don’t.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist mdillondesigns.com/shop
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.
FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!

Just an fyi… This is not about bashing mothers. This post is about validating the experiences of those who find aspects (or the entirety) of Mother’s Day challenging. Although many people have a beautiful relationship—where there are occasional differences regarding specific subjects—some people’s relationships with their mothers were/are primarily combative, negative, hurtful, abusive, toxic, and/or otherwise unhealthy. If that’s not an experience you can relate to, this post will be informative. If this is your experience, then I hope you find this blog post, and podcast, are affirming and supportive.

It took a lot of courage to write this, after the many years of having people invalidate my experience, but today something shifted in me, and I realized this post is long overdue. So here it is…

Another year of the same sh*t, the dreaded Mother’s Day card shopping experience. For people who love their mothers, and were blessed with a beautiful relationship, and nurturing experience, it may seem the card aisles have a plethora of perfect options. However, to a person whose mother has treated them as a chore, inconvenience, or an enemy, searching for the perfect mother’s day card is a dreaded emotional reminder of what you don’t have, what you didn’t experience, and what having a mother is actually supposed to look like.

I’m not new to the excruciating task that is the annual search for a card. For me, it’s never a planned shopping trip. Every year around this time, I’m in a store and have the same moment of awareness. It goes something like, “F*ck. There’s the Mother’s Day cards display.” Sigh. “Let me just bear down today and get this sh*t over with.”

Aaand today was that day. I was had just wrapped up my shopping at Walmart, and as I was left the travel-sized toiletries display, I walked by the dreaded Mother’s Day cards display. I started to keep walking, but just as I’ve done every year since I was old enough to buy my own cards, I sighed, took that step back to the display, and decided to just get it over with. 

No matter how many times I’ve done this… (And… wow… I’m just now realizing I’ve been doing this every year for at least the last 30….) it’s no less mentally and emotionally draining.

Searching through seemingly endless rows of cards is such a multilayered, emotional experience, as I discard them one by one, when I read that one line that invalidates the whole damn card. There’s the annoyance of, “F*ck! How many more of these f*cking cards do I have to read to actually find one that applies?” There’s sadness from not being able to relate to any of the cards and the loneliness of realizing, “Damn, numerous people likely this way about their mom.” Then, I reach the point of frustration and being ready to give up. “F*ck. I’ve gone through every card except two in this whole store! F*ck it. She’s just not getting one.” Then there’s the bargaining, “You know what? I’m just gonna grab one that isn’t obviously inaccurate. Who cares if it doesn’t apply? She’ll be happy.” Then that’s countered with the authenticity police in my mind, that’s like, “The hell you will. Put that sh*t back. Can you imagine hearing her proudly reading that sh*t over the phone?”

And it’s right about then that I get a second wind, say a quick prayer, and prepare to go through the last two. I hold my breath as the cover seems simple and generic enough, and then exhale when the words inside simply, say, “Wishing you a beautiful day.” Sold!

If this isn’t your experience, you may be thinking, “Geez. Why is this such a big deal?” Well, imagine that someone has treated you like their worst mistake for most of your life, AND despite that, you still love them (because we’re wired to love our parents unconditionally). So every year, you feel obligated to do something to honor their title, in part because you know that if you don’t, they’ll add that to the list of things they hold against you. So you attempt to do the bare minimum of meaningful gestures and find a nice card they can feel good about. You go combing through the Mother’s Day cards only to find that each card for the next 40 to 100 cards says:
– “I feel so blessed to have a mother like you.”
– “Mom, thank you for listening, understanding, and being someone I can count on.”
– “I could never thank you enough for all the love you’ve shown me….” 
– “To a wonderful woman who’s always made me feel so loved…” and so on.

Card after card is complete trash, because you can’t relate to any of it. And when you find a card with the perfect simple cover, you open it and it’s two pages of loving poetry in honor of the kindest, most loving woman to ever grace the earth. All you want is to quickly find an effing card so you can appease her and move on with your life. Instead you could be in that card aisle for twenty minutes and not find ONE card that is truthful.

And I’ve gone through that every year. And, today, I realized it’s oddly validating.

I cannot count how many times over the years I have told people I don’t have the closest relationship with my mom and they’ve said something to invalidate my experience. “Oh, you know mothers and daughters….” Or “well, at least you’ve still got your mom. Mine passed away, and I wish I could talk to her one last time. Cherish the moments you have.” Or when I’ve mentioned something hurtful she’s done, or said, they say, “Oh, my mom gets on me about stuff like that, too. That’s just how moms are.” And for a second, I start to feel bad, like, “Maybe I’m just making more of this than it is.” I see of similarities in the mother-daughter dynamics in movies, and on tv, and start to wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I mean it’s rare that anyone who has witnessed our relationship has ever spoken up on my behalf. So maybe I’m just being too sensitive.

Then Mother’s Day comes, and I stand there in that aisle discarding card after card, and I realize that my experience is not the same. I’m not being too sensitive. That person who said, “Oh my mom says things sometimes that hurt my feelings,” can easily find a card in this aisle. Most people don’t have to go through 100 Mother’s Day cards to find one that says so little that it can’t possibly tell a lie about their relationship. Today, I found validation for my experience. As I realized the only card that I could find was one labeled as “For Anybody.” It was so vague, while still celebratory, that it was perfect.

And that’s why I’m writing this….

I wrote this is for all the ones who have a bittersweet relationship with Mother’s Day. This is for the ones who eyeroll when people post about how “a mother’s love is like no other.” This is for the one’s who stand in that card aisle, year after year, discarding card after card because it doesn’t apply to you.

I see you. I feel for you. I am you. 

Honestly, these are words I would never say, because no one is supposed to know. But today, I decided that the work I do is too important for me to withhold my words to protect someone’s image. It is my hope that these words bring comfort to you and let you know your experience is valid.

It’s tough standing in that card aisle, searching for the perfect card to lovingly describe a person that has brought you so much pain. It makes sense if you feel sad around this time of year. It makes sense if sometimes miss your mom, because you recognized that the relationship will always be toxic, so you loved yourself enough to stop engaging. You’re holding boundaries, but you still miss the nice parts of her. It hurts, because you still love her, and all you’ve ever wanted is for her to love you back, but you know that if you reconnect, eventually she’s gonna hurt you again.

I wrote this for you, because no one around you can relate to your experience, and I want you to know you’re not alone. Some of us were dealt that hand and we didn’t get the loving one or the emotionally safe one or the warm and fuzzy one. I want you to know that despite your experience, you are lovable, that her treatment of you is not what you deserved. You are worthy of love that feels like love. And I’m sorry.

Today, I’m sending you love and letting you know you have a right to feel as you do. You don’t have to earn love. You deserve it simply because of who you are—simply because you exist. My hope and my wish for you is that you will give yourself the love you wish you received. And I wish for you to also receive it from someone who has the capacity to give you the love you deserve. I hope that you will find healing and be able to release the need for what she didn’t have the capacity to give. And I want you to know that although your particular experience is unique, you are not alone.

Below, I are two books that were particularly helpful, eye-opening, and healing for me. I’m not affiliated with them at all. I just want to share with you what helped me on my healing journey in case they may be of help to you.

  • “Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life,” by Peg Streep
  • “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers,” by Karyl McBride

Thank you for reading! Be gentle with yourself. Sending you much love.

If you read this and don’t share this experience, I hope it will help you better understand and empathize with those who do. So many people have occasional disagreements with their moms and assume that all mother-offspring relationships look relatively the same. That’s not true. Some people wouldn’t treat their worst enemies the way they were treated by their mothers. So when people say things like, “Well, that’s still your mom,” or “you should be happy you have your mom,” it can be terribly hurtful and shaming. And that, honestly, just adds another layer on top of the hurt we’ve already experienced, and probably still live with. So thank you for reading and listening. I hope you found this enlightening.

Blessings, 

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist     

An update just for you…

When I first posted this blog and the podcast, a seed was planted in me. That frustration that I experienced year after year revealed an opportunity.

Often we see a problem and just complain about it. When I have the same issue repeatedly, I start to think about solutions….

I wrote this blog and recorded the podcast because I believed that I can’t possibly be the only one who deals with this. One day, some months back, I shared my idea for a solution with a dear friend. In that convo, I came to realize that she had the same kind of relationship with her mom. I would’ve never known.

There are so many of us suffering in silence… going through this same painful card shopping experience every year.

Well, this year, I decided to be a part of the solution. AND I JUST RELEASE MY OWN COLLECTION OF MOTHER’S DAY CARDS!

I’m super excited to announce the launch
of my greeting card line for awkward relationships!

I’m starting with a small collection, just 4 Mother’s Day cards that I, of course, designed. From my own experiences, and the experiences of those around me, I wrote heartfel messages that I hope at least one will resonate with you. AND parts of each card can be personalized so that the message is aligned with your truth.

Maybe you say, “Mum,” instead of “Mom,” or maybe “I love you” is a bit strong for your relationship. You get to change things like that. That’s the whole point. We need cards that feel true for us. And I hope these feel more true for you… or someone you love.

Anyway, I’m super excited to share my collection with you! I use a site called Zazzle to handle the printing and shipping, so when you tap the button below it will redirect you to my Zazzle store, where you can order your own personalize Mother’s Day card! So go ahead and check them out. (BTW be sure to check the shipping date to ensure it will arrive in time.)

Tap to view my collection!

Everything Has Purpose

“Everything has purpose.” These words came to me at my lowest point. And I’m grateful I never let them go. Because they are supporting me now.

Meme: Image of red rose against black background. Text states Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist in script across the top. Then in large bold white font the quote “Just because it hurts doesn’t mean I can’t find value in it. In my life, ‘Everything has purpose’—even the painful moments.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist mdillondesigns.com/blog Share & Let's Live! podcast logo in bottom right corner

One thing that I’ve experienced more times than anybody should is overhearing people badmouthing me. It hurts, but it helps me. Because I am so giving, on a self-sacrificial level, these moments help me to remember to put myself first, to not put all my trust in other people, and to always have my own back.

Coming off of a wonderful weekend, where being a little selfish was so beautiful and blissful, I am grateful for this uncomfortable reminder that everybody will put themselves first, so I need to stop putting myself last. Like my dad said in his sermon yesterday, it’s time to start enjoying my life. And stop stressing myself out pushing to make life more than it is.

I’m gonna take it easy. I’m gonna stop pushing myself so hard to make other people happy. Their happiness is temporary anyway. I’ll just have to it all over again to put the smile back on their face.

Instead of giving my all to someone else’s happiness—that I already know doesn’t last—I’m going to do more from my heart and less from my fears. I’m going to do more to support MY OWN happiness. And I’m gonna let it be okay if others aren’t happy with me and give way less…. by only giving from love, never from fear, never from seeking approval and affirmation.

Everything has purpose…. even the uncomfortable moments that hurt. At least that’s how it works for me.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Did you hear about my new greeting card line?

Yep. It’s true! I’m starting with a small collection of Mother’s Day cards. My line is for people with… awkward relationships. Honest cards without all the fluff that some of us can’t relate to. Visit my Shop page for updates, new releases, and to find out more!

Still working through details. Here’s a preview.

Learn more about me….

Tap to learn about Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Tap to learn about my online course for parents!
Learn about my personalized greeting cards, gifts, tees, & bday supplies!
Learn about my empowering children’s book!

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