So I was doing some journaling and I discovered something that may help you, or someone you know, overcome bitterness, resentment, and confusion from a past relationship.

Sometimes even though we’ve moved on, it can still be hard to fully overcome a past relationship, when we have unresolved questions.

I haven’t been in a relationship in a minute, so it was unexpected when I was led to do some deep journaling yesterday about a relationship from my past. The last sentence of my journal entry was so healing, I had to share it…..

“I didn’t hear him… because his lies were so believable that I couldn’t hear his truth.” (The full line will be in my memoir. It’s . But this excerpt will be enough to make my point.)

Okay, so what I discovered, yesterday, is that a lot of us have not fully healed from: things someone did to us, past breakups, or friendships that ended dramatically, because the end didn’t make sense based on what we believed to be true.

Yesterday, I heard something random that caused me to rethink one of my past relationships. For the first time ever, I evaluated the events of that relationship based on the truth and not the lies….

Sometimes in relationships, people tell us what we want to hear. (Sometimes we do it, too.) In an awkward moment, a choice is made to not be honest.

Something within us told us that things were off, and we may have actually confronted the person, but they told us what they thought would keep the peace. Sometimes it was to straight up deceive us, and other times maybe they were caught off guard and hadn’t quite figured out what they wanted or how to articulate it.

Those little moments of deception, caused us to ignore our instincts, and to think, “Oh, okay. I guess I was just tripping. Everything’s fine.” So we discard those moments of intuition.

So here’s my moment of clarity… here’s where it switched for me….

A memory was triggered that caused me to remember the facts of what occurred in a past relationship. Instead of thinking about all they told me, I just evaluated the facts the same way I would if a girlfriend was telling me her story. I took myself out of it, and looked at what I really saw and heard, and looked at it clearly. And you know what I found? I found the truth. And, I found compassion.

I actually saw the other person’s point of view. When I looked at it without their lies, without their moments of telling me what I wanted to to hear. I realized that they were out the door L O N G before the relationship ended, but I didn’t notice because they kept telling me that what I saw was not what I saw, and I believed them.

I looked back on other relationships—friendships included—that ended abruptly, or in unexpected misunderstandings. When I took away all the fillers, all the “No, I’m just tired,” the “It’s just been a tough day at work,” the “You know you’re my girl,” type responses that made me think things were okay, I realized those relationships were heading toward completion long before we said our final goodbyes.

….Now, I’m not sharing this to say, if things feel off, you should end your relationships and friendships, now. That is NOT the takeaway from this.

What I am saying is that if you have a past relationship that ended in a way that still stings, it’s possible that you may find some healing by seeing things clearly.

When I looked at that situation through the truth, I was able to empathize with the person. I could see how uncomfortable it must’ve been to be done but not want to hurt the other person. Whether they were right or wrong for handling things as they did, is not important in this moment. It just felt good to understand. It felt good to see things clearly….

Do with this what (positive) you will.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Some people don’t like diamonds, but that doesn’t make them worth any less.

You may have people in your life who don’t see the value that you know you have. Do not let them confuse you on who you are. Continue to believe in yourself. Continue to listen to positive feedback that aligns with what you truly believe about yourself.

You know one way to be certain that you know your true value? It’s the way it makes you feel when people tell you otherwise. If you agreed with them, it wouldn’t hurt. If you agreed, at the deepest core level, it wouldn’t offend you. Deep within you know the truth about yourself. Even if you are currently in a state that is not reflective of your truest self—like a diamond ring stuck in a muddy trench—you are still valuable.

Do not let anyone convince you that you are less than you TRULY are. Continue to restore yourself back to the truth that you know is the real you.

Sometimes family and friends can have good intentions, but a horrible delivery. They think that “shooting from the hip” and giving you the “raw truth” about their opinions is the best way to encourage you. I can say from what I’ve observed, and experienced, that is one of the absolute WORST ways to support and encourage somebody.

If a person is already down, the ones who love them are not supposed to throw in a few punches and kicks and think that will help them to get up. Even honesty can be delivered in love.

If you are in a state where you’ve been beaten down by life, loved ones, bosses, exes, etc., please know that their evaluation of your worth is their opinion. You can choose to reject their appraisal. You can remember who you truly are.

Never let a temporary state—no matter how long it’s lasted—convince you that you are worth less. If you are here, you have value. Deep within there is a knowing that you are worth more than they say, more than they told you, more than you overheard.

Give yourself permission to turn down the volume on those words that have stung. Give yourself permission to turn up the volume on the truth that lies within. You are valuable. You are worthy. You are worth it. Anything that contradicts those truths is the lie.

You are a diamond. Don’t let anyone devalue your worth.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

#Proud2BNaturalMe

Recently, I had an encounter with someone I really care about. This person is quite vocal about their strong belief in a limited path to success. I was not in a position to escape the conversation, so I heard everything they had to say.

It was painful and awkward, and honestly, what they were saying would have rocked my foundation last week, when I was experiencing some frustrations. As I reflect on the convo, I realize how valuable it is to find ways to build ourselves up internally. My meditation practice earlier that day was phenomenal, and had been all that week. Thank gawd because it really saved me. I was able to hear their perspective and not apply it to myself. Their words didn’t make me feel bad about where I am and what I’ve yet to achieve. I was able to stay grounded in my truths. I was able to remember all the evidence to the contrary of their opinion.

Sometimes we find ourselves in environments with people who have strong opinions. Their words can be hurtful. Maybe you haven’t achieved what society says you should have by now. You know your goals and intentions and you’re doing all you can to stay hopeful and keep working your plan. It can be challenging when people say things that rub up against our areas of insecurity.

The thing that saved me from… immediate depression… as they talked was all the testimonies I’ve filled myself with over the years, of people who relate to my journey and are now so successful. People who had more to overcome and still made it. People who were older when they started on the path, and are now leaders in their fields. I build myself up by seeking out stories of people who’ve successfully done what I’m looking to do. (YouTube is great for this.) I allow their testimonies to encourage me and show me what’s possible.

This speech by Les Brown is one of that I listened to many times. It empowered me when I was at my lowest. It still empowers me now.

We have to find ways to build ourselves up while we’re on the journey to what we desire. This is one of the many ways that I do it.

Just thought I’d share this word of encouragement for anyone who needs it. Don’t give up. Build yourself up. Feed yourself what you need to sustain the journey.

Blessings! I’m placing the video below, as well. It’s a REALLY good one. #LesBrown

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist