Do What You Gotta Do

Do you sometimes struggle with tendencies and thoughts that keep you from doing what you want to do?

Photo of Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist speaking to a room of middle school aged girls. Girls are sitting on the floor in a circle in the center of what appears to be the school library, bookshelves and desks are pushed against the walls.

I recently participated in psych testing to confirm what I already suspected about myself… that I’m not just introverted, I struggle with social anxiety. It was one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done (next to going to therapy… which actually led to the testing).

I am so grateful that I took that step because it is one of the ways that I am now able to shut up that inner mean girl—who I call the catfish—who’s been giving me a hard time for years.

So why these pics with this post? Let me explain…

I absolutely LOVE public speaking. I’m great at it, I’m natural to it, and every time I witness transformation. It is one of the most natural things on earth for me. I am completely guided. I rarely ever prepare. And I’ve never prewritten my talks. Most times I have NO IDEA what I’m going to say until they introduce me.

In my workshops, we don’t leave the room the same as when we walked in. I am changed, the girls are changed, and the mentors and teachers in the room are changed. My empowerment workshops are one of the greatest gifts I offer.

I am completely in the zone and guided in my workshops. The conversations we have and the activities we do just flow through me. Each time, when we come to the end (and during), I’m completely in awe of the healing transformations that took place.

I love seeing these photos as they remind me of the times when I role played with a student to have a healing conversation with her father to help her better understand his absence. I took on her questions and her pain and we embraced in the end and everyone of us in that room was moved. I remember the girls writing out the mean things family and classmates have said that left them wounded. And the beauty of watching them pass a mirror around the circle, looking into their own eyes saying, “I am enough,” and passing it to the next girl, while looking her in eyes and saying, “You are enough.” I remember one beautiful soul came out to her family during one of my talks. It was one of the most powerful and beautiful moments of my life.

Each time I post these events, it’s bittersweet. I love what I do, and I hate that due to social anxiety, I don’t do it anywhere near as often as I’d like. There’s that voice of the catfish in my head making me feel bad that the post is from so long ago. It’s always there to remind me of my perceived shortcomings. It’s even giving me a hard time now about not having finished my upcoming book, You’re Being Catfished, which will teach readers strategies I am using to live my life despite that inner critic. If you’ve followed my blog, you know that I regularly share the epiphanies I’ve had along this journey. I love that many of you have been blessed by these lessons…

With that said, this current social anxiety hurdle (and the strategies I’m employing to heal) will likely be part of the book. There’s no shame in seeking help for the areas that you can’t figure out on your own. Seeking needed supports at the right times is very empowering.

Sometimes we need to gain support outside ourselves to overcome what’s going on within. The psych testing was just a step and now with those results, I’ll be working with a new therapist to support me in reclaiming my power.

Maybe there’s something you’ve been struggling with and it’s time to consider what supports are available to help you overcome it. We don’t have to have it together all the time. And we don’t have to figure everything out ourselves. Take some time to sit with the realities you may be dealing with and maybe meditate on what some next steps could look like.

I meet my new therapist next week. Fingers crossed. Prayers accepted.