So I woke up today and knew that meeting with my inner knowing was essential. I may have shared this with you before. I did a blog post about it some weeks ago that periodically (goal is daily), I sit down and allow the knowing within me to instruct me on what to do. It is so natural and normal for us to go to somebody else, call someone, text someone, meet with someone for lunch or go to an advisor about what to do next. But within us lies true guidance that we can tap into if we just sit still and listen.

It’s the guidance that causes us to turn our wheel suddenly and avoid an accident, the guidance that tells us to check our side mirror one more time before changing lanes, the guidance that causes us to call that person who needed us just at the right time.

Well, lately, I’ve been challenging myself to seek this inner guidance, before I wing it. I am not much for going and asking others what to do, but I am BIG on winging it and screwing things up, or doing countless hours of work, when I could have just sat still for a few MINUTES and asked my inner knowing for guidance.

I do this through back and forth chats, which I never shared before because I was afraid no one would understand. But when I courageously shared the last one, so many responded that they also check in with their inner being, the ancestors, the angels, etc. that I knew it was safe to share my stories of guidance I’ve received.

So here is the experience and conversation I had a few minutes ago. I am sharing because I realize some of it is not for me, as it doesn’t relate directly. That lets me know that it’s probably for you or someone you know. Feel free to share it.

This is a conversation about fear and love…. a conversation I did not anticipate as the answer to my dilemma.

Me: I am ready to experience life different. I am ready to shift my experiences with the power of my mind….

Higher Knowing (HK): … and love

Me: I hear you saying love and fear are the only emotions and that with decoding which emotion is driving me, I can change my life.

Me: I didn’t expect that, help me make it make sense.

HK: So you came to me asking about how to change your life. You wanted to say how you “struggle with visualizing,” but the truth is you can visualize fear… fearful thoughts… very well. You don’t have trouble with visualizing. You “struggle” with the habit of visualizing fearful thoughts. So you need to break things down to fear or love.

HK: Am I doing this from fear? (“I must make this post, or this bad thing will happen.”) or am I doing it from love? (“I want to see people shift in their lives through my inspired guidance. I can help them. It is my pleasure. I do this from love.”)

HK: You learned about the power of intention. Now, get it for yourself.

HK: AM I DOING THIS FROM LOVE OR FEAR? SIMPLE QUESTION. THERE ARE ONLY TWO.

HK: As you begin to shift your thoughts from fear to love in every area, your life will change. It’s not just about the posts, it’s about the choices and conversations and inner conversations… about… everything. Inner conversations about saying, “No,” to that person, inner conversations about attending that event. Why do you want to go? Why do you not want to go? Are you going for love or out of fear of what happens if you don’t? At the core…your core… what is the most loving move? What is the love move. Yes, that’s a good title for this. What is the love move?

HK: It seems obvious until you try it, until you test it. Are you on Tinder because you fear not having anyone to love you in old age? Is it from fear that you are going to die alone or because you have love to give and want to share your abundance of love with another person/someone else? Are you going to work out of love—to support those you serve with your skills and talent, or fear that you will not be able to pay your bills? Everyone does it, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can choose that you love yourself enough to ensure that your needs are taken care of despite the environment, and love yourself enough to know you are more than worthy of an even better position and that opportunities for you are all around you, and that in the meantime you will do it from love. It is not normal to think this way. But you can have more peace.

HK: So right now you are writing to me because you are afraid of your day going wrong and having to give more than you feel you have to give. Or you could say I’d love for them to have the best day, needing me minimally, so I can do things that I love… that will fill my love cup. You can wish them well, rather than sit in fear. You can gift yourself a great day by setting your expectations differently. You can send forth a picture of the day you’d ideally want, and you can see whatever hiccups you’re attempting to avoid (in fear), as being rectified in the most loving way.

HK: This is about changing your expectations, and beliefs, about what your day—and what life— looks like for you. You can picture it differently by coming from a place of love, not fear.

Me: Amen.

So there you have it… as I received it. We can lovingly change our lives by assessing one thought, action, interaction by what category it falls into. “Is this from love or fear?” And then we can simply ask ourselves, “What is the love move?”

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Co-Founder of SISTAMoms with Yvonne Livingston LLC
Chief Empowerment Officer and Owner of MDillon Designs & Publishing Author/Illustrator/Designer of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!

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Have you heard about my 30 Days of Giving & Receiving?

Today is Day 8!

For the month of April, I am sharing a blog post each day (maybe from the past or new), with an opportunity for you to give a gift toward my work! I am not charging for the posts. I am attempting to shift a narrative of giving and giving and giving, and not receiving. I am attempting to train my brain out of the expectation of investment with no return.

*If this post blessed you, please consider sending me a $5 tip securely via Buymeacoffee.com/marlenedillon. It may seem small, but it will help me a lot.

If you’d prefer to give another way (or learn more about Buymeacoffee) please check out my Support page, where you’ll find numerous options.

Thank you for your kindness.

Empowering others is my greatest strength, while admittedly self-empowerment is my biggest challenge. I strongly believe that what we came here to learn is also what we came here to teach. I learned that from Louise Hay and it has stuck with me.

Growing up, I was constantly criticized. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I struggled in school, but nobody knew it, because my grades were really good. I sat in class most days having no clue what was going on. I felt stupid and wondered why everyone around me got it and I didn’t. I had no idea that I was #neurodivergent at the time.

What few people know (because I didn’t tell anyone until recent years), is that everyday I went home and taught myself what I missed in school. Phonics didn’t make sense to me. When we’d sit on the floor and sound out words and then put them together, I always felt so confused because the word that they came up with in the end was not the same word that I yelled out. (When everybody else said, “Cuh” “at” “cat,” I said, “Cuh” “at,” “cuh-at!”) I quickly learned to sound things out with them and then just move my lips and remain silent for the word part so I didn’t embarrass myself. Eventually, I accepted that I wasn’t going to master #phonics so somewhere between first and second grade I started to memorize all the vocabulary words in advance and in class I would just lip sync. When it came to math I really struggled. It didn’t make sense and no one would help me. I wanted to raise my hand and ask for help, but my teachers always said, “If there are no more questions, we can move on.” I saw the eye rolls and heard the sighs each time other classmates raised their hands, so I didn’t raise mine. I was often one question away from understanding, but I didn’t want to delay the progress of my whole class—my teacher included. I felt they shouldn’t be inconvenienced just because I wasn’t “smart enough.”

I never realized until now how much being neurodivergent in my environment impacted who I’d become. The constant criticism at home mixed with the constant feeling of being behind in school made me feel hopeless and helpless. In all my spaces, I felt like I didn’t belong and that I wasn’t meeting the standard. No matter how hard I tried I just did not fit in. I was never doing enough. I was not #enough.

Feeling “not enough” has echoed throughout my life—it’s such a disempowering feeling. Some people experience pain and choose to give pain to everyone. I am a pain alchemist. I turn my pain into purpose. I don’t want people to feel the way I have so I offer the opposite. Due to the pain of not fitting in, I became dedicated to making everyone feel welcomed. Due to the pain of feeling invisible, I became committed to ensuring the overlooked are seen. Due to the pain of feeling powerless to change, I became obsessed with teaching empowerment.

I am Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist because I pour into others what I wish I received. I learned this from one of my professors in my master’s in counseling program. He asked us to take our memories and create a #timeline of our lives. We wrote down our emotionally charged memories—those life snapshots that periodically come to mind. Whether they were happy or sad, embarrassing or exciting, we wrote down our most vivid #memories. Next, we sorted our memory snapshots. For each unpleasant memory, we wrote what we needed at that moment.

I put that assignment off to the last minute because I didn’t want to think about the “bad stuff.” I am so grateful I didn’t skip the assignment because it was one of the most powerful gifts I’ve ever received. In class as we reviewed our assignment, he taught us that the way we heal our brokenness, is to give to others what we needed in the unpleasant moments. We can form gold from the pain we’ve experienced. This is how we gain purpose from our pain. We heal ourselves, and we heal others….

Our challenging moments can overtake our lives if we let them. However, I decided to use my pain for a purpose. I decided to keep this lesson in my heart and build my life around it. As a parent, I give my child what I wish I received. Through my business I give to my clients and customers what I wish someone offered. Through my posts, blogs and podcasts, I.U.S.E. (inspire, uplift, support, and empower) people with what I’ve needed. Because I was especially disempowered throughout my life, I specialize in #empowerment. I give others what I wish I received.

If you find yourself ruminating over the negative snapshots of your life, I highly encourage you to try this exercise. If you feel it will be too emotionally triggering, I encourage you to do it with a supportive loved one, coach, mentor, or therapist. It was so healing for me and still is….

I have been through some tough stuff that in those moments, I couldn’t understand. Even now, my current financial situation is painful. And as much as it hurts, I am beginning to understand. I recognize, now, that my financial struggles are helping me fully understand the mindset and needs of those I intend to serve. I have a heart for supporting the community through #education, #resources, and access to services. And needing those things myself helps me to better serve those who I will help in the future.

I see now that people who cannot relate to the struggle miss the nuances that impact connection, cooperation, and participation in support services. If you’ve never known the pain of filling out extensive government paperwork for services, or experienced the embarrassment of standing in line outside an aid office in your neighborhood, or the soul-destroying disappointment of sitting in that office for a full day to be told that the person directly in front of you is the last person they are serving, and to “come back tomorrow,” you do not fully understand how to serve people who need financial assistance.

Someone who knows the struggle of #poverty first-hand is far more equipped to design programs than someone who learned about it in school. Someone who struggled with being a #neurodivergent student is more equipped to design an educational system that supports the #neurodiverse. A single mom who rebuilt her life through personal development, introspection, and spiritual practices is far more equipped to speak to the needs of newly single moms. Education has its purpose and lived experience makes a difference. I am blessed to have both.

The lived experience doesn’t feel like a blessing, but it will be for those I help. None of my pain has to be wasted. I get to use it to empower my community and that’s an exciting gift that came from pain.

If you are looking for a powerful speaker, who understands the needs of the community, please check out my speaking page.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Author of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!
Owner/Publisher/Author/Designer at MDillon Designs & Publishing
#healingourfamilies #Proud2BNaturalMe#parenting#singlemomlife#singlemother#mompreneur

Some people think I’m calloused because of how easily I seem to let relationships go. The truth is that it hurts me, too.

I’ve seen many close relationships come to an end for one reason or another. Because I am a private person, people rarely know the full story. They just know one minute we were close and had been friends for years, and then we were no longer speaking. I don’t feel it’s necessary to let people in to those aspects of my life, unless it directly impacts them.

I don’t discard relationships without just cause. I notice changes, I sit back and observe, I give people room and don’t initially assume that whatever they are going through has anything to do with me. I check on them, I communicate when things feel off for too long, and then if the relationship causes me more turmoil than peace, or just feels complete, I let it go.

I value my peace. I no longer hold on to things that make me feel bad. It doesn’t matter how close we were, or how long we were cool. If it causes me emotional and psychological distress, I let it go.

I can honor the good times. I can respect the memories. And I can acknowledge that season is now over and let it blow in the wind.

A lot of people feel a sense of guilt or disloyalty for releasing long time relationships. But I strongly believe that relationships are for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE FOR A LIFETIME. That’s a hard truth. But accepting it can bring so much peace.

We see it sometimes with athletes, performers, and even pastors, who stay in the game too long. They have an amazing career, full of accolades and successes, but when their performance begins to decline they don’t exit. They stick it out until it poisons their legacy.

I don’t need to have a knockdown drag out fight with a friend to know our relationship has run its course. If we no longer can agree, or agree to disagree; when we no longer have anything in common, when we’ve hurt each other and refuse to apologize or do better, it’s time to let it go.

I no longer hold on to what hurts me. I prefer to let go when the season of peace, love and joy has ended. My life has enough challenges. I don’t need constant unrest in my relationships, too. I walk away while I can still respect you….

Sometimes people we were cool with forever show us a side to them that makes it impossible to get the relationship back. For me, those are times when I look at our journey and think, “We had a good run, but this can’t be repaired.” I recognize that what I thought was a lifetime relationship, was actually for a season—or reason. And I decide to let it go. I don’t even always have a conversation with the other person. I just make that decision within myself and stop reaching out. Typically, I’m the one who initiates contact anyway so as I back away, the relationship just dissipates. And I’ve had some where we had that uncomfortable chat and I let them know that I am committed to peace and resolution, and if they’re committed to an argument, we have nothing more to discuss. And then I let them go.

Trust me, I know it’s hard when you think people have a lifetime membership, but they do something so unexpected and hurtful that you can never view them the same. I’ve been there far too many times. It hurts me when I let people go. But sometimes it hurts more to hold on. I love myself too much to do that anymore. Gotta let them drift in the wind. And eventually, I can think of the good times, without focusing on the hurt. I can think of them and smile at the memories, and send them thoughts of love.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist