By Marlene Dillon
When their birthdays come.I feel some kind of way. I prioritized them and they just walked away.
I know it doesn’t matter. And I should feel no shame. But I wonder did I matter. And was i the one to blame.
We have the right to choose the over who’re most aligned. But why’s it never me? Why’s it not my time?
I love so fully and completely. I’m always all in. I know they are not like me but I just want to win
I know they never matched me. I know I tried, ignored the fact that it’s not working, that I made them my lord.
I lost myself just trying to keep them near my side. Let go of all that mattered. Ignored my inner guide.
And I don’t want them with me. Su bad for me it’s true. But I still get lonely. And if not them then who?
I don’t want them beside me. But once it felt so new. So full of promise, hopeful. Like I got to live, too.
And now I’ve raised my standard. Won’t be with those who lie. Who cheat, pretend to love me. Who use me while I try.
To be the best, their person. Their heart, their reason why. Contort myself, be pretzel. Forget myself, ally.
I help them feel protected, loved, seen, and held and heard. I dote on them, connected, while they say not a word.
I am an in so focused. Become my sun and earth. While they live life, ignore me. So different from at first.
Make me regret my wall’s down. My kindness and my trust. Build that wall up it’s time now. It was not meant for us.
Through every iteration I love me more is true. But years of “but it’s my fault” is so hard to undo.
Can see so clear it’s not right. Not meant. Not good for me. But also hear “Not worthy.” And you’ll never be.
Odd words when you empower. But two things can be true. I help you find your power. But I am just like you.
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Sometimes in the mornings I free write. I call it steam of consciousness writing. (I did not coin that term.) It’s a form of writing where you just let the words flow without editing. I love when I’m able to create something like this, a cathartic, honest, beautiful piece that really gets to the soul of me and let’s me unburden through words or rhyme.
I’ve been a little heavy lately, missing companionship. And I guess it needed to come out. Glad I let it.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here.
If you don’t know much about me, please take a sec and check out my about page here, or my new connect page (kinda like my linktree) here.
Blessings!
