I remember being in the grocery store one day all but having a panic attack because I just got some money and was about to spend it.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
In my head, my inner critic (that I call the “catfish”) was giving me such a tongue lashing about wasting money. And then I paused to pray. And I heard my higher self within say, “Who’s voice is that? Who does that sound like?” And I realized it was the voice of my parent. Then my higher self asked me, “How do you feel about spending this money?” And my response was, “I feel grateful. I wanted some money to be able to get the things I want. And now I’m here and am able to buy this item. I honestly feel grateful.” And with that, things shifted for me. I realized in that moment that the voice that criticizes us and questions our decisions, our right to do what we want to do, often comes from outside of us.
On today’s episode of Share & Let’s Live! with Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist, I talk about being aware of words. If you are a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent of a child, tween, or teen…. If you are the bestie, the partner, the spouse, the friend… If you are a teacher, administrator, supervisor, doctor…. pay attention to the words you speak.
The words you say to another person may become the voice on loop in their minds. Choose your words wisely. Before you speak, ask yourself, “Are these the words I’d want them to hear over and over and over again?”
Let’s be more intentional and cautious with our words….
I won’t so more. I say it all on today’s podcast. Check it out.
Been sitting with myself, making sense of life in this season. I came to a conclusion about relationships that I’ve been making peace with. So I have an updated standard.
We don’t have to agree on everything to be cool. We don’t have to be alike in every way for me to value you. You can believe as you do and I believe as I do and we can be in relationship.
With that said, I many years ago dropped my sense of religious superiority that said my beliefs are right and yours are wrong and I know better than you. It’s a disgusting thought to me, now. I feel you get to believe what makes you happy and I’ll do the same. As long as our differences do not harm others, and are centered in love, I don’t care. I embrace differences and love learning from others, especially about culture.
Now, one thing that does matter to me is that we agree on our major values…. This is new for me. I used to be very “you just do you and imma do me.” But this grown version of me, that was forced to grow up a lot in November, had to raise her standards.
I’m realizing that the older I get the more my standards shift to be more values centered.
Just did a quick Google search to find the difference between morals, ethics, and values and came across this explanation…
“…morals” refer to an individual’s personal beliefs about right and wrong, ‘values’ are the core principles that guide a person’s life and actions, and ‘ethics’ are a set of established rules or standards of conduct typically enforced by a group or profession, often based on broader societal morals and values.”
Growing up in church, particularly in that domination that doesn’t leave much wiggle room for what is or isn’t “righteous,” I was very ethics driven (based on the above definition). However, the more I focus on my internal guidance system and less on what society has to say, the more I recognize that I don’t agree with a lot of societal norms.
This most recent election, along with my reevaluation of past and present relationships, has caused me to really sit back and think about what matters to me. What are my dealbreakers? What are my standards? How important is to me to be likeminded with those I keep close?
One thing about me is that I give myself permission to grow and evolve. And I allow myself to release relationships that are no longer aligned. But, I must admit, this season has been so tricky.
I’ve had to review what “unconditional love” looks like to me. I, honestly, have to ask myself if unconditional love is one of my values. I hear people say, “respect is earned.” But for me, that’s not the case. Everyone starts out with my respect and then they can lose it. I lead with respect.
The older I get, the more I give myself permission to do life in ways that make sense to me. And ease is a very important aspect of how I do life. I used to chase people to remind them of my awesomeness and beg them to be in relationship with me. Now, I let people fall off. I don’t want anyone in my life that I have to remind them that exist to ensure we stay in contact. And I know that people have their own stuff going on and various reasons for drifting. That’s fine. But that doesn’t meet my standard. They can be close with other people. Caring if I’m dead or alive is a strong boundary for me, and required for being in my inner circle.
And what I’m accepting now… what I’ve been trying to process since November 6th…. is my need for people in my inner circle to share my values. I don’t like to have to question what you will or will not do. When we share values, it eliminates questions. Being in my inner circle requires safety for me. I need to be able to trust you. I need to know that we are likeminded. That’s my boundary. Others welcome debate and want constant growth in their relationships through contrast and even conflict. I’m not like that. I love for us to grow together, and for conflict to be rare because we’re aligned. Yeah, that’s it. I value alignment.
And, I guess, what I’m realizing is that I can have unconditional love for you, but that doesn’t imply unconditional access. You can be my friend, but not my VIP. If our values are not aligned, the conflict causes me too much inner turmoil. The questions about who you are, what you believe, what you stand for, etc. challenge the stability of our relationship.
My past relationships, and situationships, left me with information to mill over. When I looked back at situations and choices and moments of hurt feelings, I had to think about and establish new boundaries. I had to accept that “this moment didn’t feel good because this thing that’s important to me was overlooked,” or violated. And the same with my friendships. I looked at the rifts that formed in some decades-long relationships and the dealbreaker moments. Then, I set new standards.
I think a lot of us just roll with what we’ve always done, and we keep finding ourselves in the same uncomfortable situations (often with the same people), constantly getting our feelings hurt, and having the same conversation over and over again. We keep going through the same turmoil, because we won’t take the time to reevaluate and set new standards. And I’m done doing that.
Not changing our standards as we grow, is like trying to put on the same pair of pants we owned when we were 6. They won’t fit and we’re gonna experience UNNECESSARY discomfort.
I don’t like not having people in my life who I’ve rocked with for decades, or through some of my best and worst times. AND I don’t like the discomfort of keeping people beyond their season. I don’t like hurting feelings, but I also don’t like getting my feelings hurt. I have to know ME. I have to do what works for ME.
You may be a person who values quantity—your day 1’s are gonna be in your life regardless of how they treat you, what they’ve done, or if y’all are even on the same page anymore, simply because they’ve been with you for decades. You’re loyal. More power to you. That’s YOUR standard.
I, on the other hand, value QUALITY. I pay attention to vibes.
I don’t care how long we’ve been cool, or even if we share DNA, if it no longer feels good to be in relationship with you, I will release you. I won’t do it suddenly (at least not on my end). I’ll process through it. I’ll try to find other solutions. I’ll probably even talk to you about what’s bothering me. I’ll try to see how I can make it work. I’ll likely even lose sleep over it.
But when I hit that point where I can’t find a way to keep you AND my peace, my peace is gonna win. And I will miss what we had (the good parts), AND I will still move on. I value my peace.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season, and sometimes a lifetime. If it’s for a reason or season, my work is to bless the time we had and let you go. Holding on only poisons what we have. And I’m not gonna do that.
I’ll release you while I still love you. Because if I’m honest with myself, my daughter is the only person I truly love unconditionally. Anyone else is capable of doing/saying something to make that love dry right up.
I guess I’m sharing this because as I’m processing through my own evolving standards for relationships, maybe you need to consider if your standards could use some tweaks. The most important thing is that you do it for you, based on YOUR priorities, nobody else’s.
Anywho, wishing you the best as you continue on your journey. I hope you will continue to join me on mine.
I wasn’t going to record a podcast today. And then I thought about it that others may be feeling like I am. It might be helpful to share what I’m doing to find my way back to center.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
No fancy description today. Just press play if you need a little encouragement.
If you’d like to check out more of my blog posts or podcast episodes, tap the button below and just keep reading, listening, and scrolling. Oh, and subscribe while you’re there so you know when I post a new one.
Many of us have gifts we don’t use, skills we’ve abandoned, and passions we won’t give ourselves permission to embrace. For me, that’s songwriting.
Tap the play button to listen to today’s podcast. Tap & hold first if necessary, then tap play.FYI I cuss so wait ’til the kids and elders aren’t around. Press play to listen to today’s podcast. Blessings!
Every once in a while, I dip my toe in the water, and then I run, again. Part of it, of course, is ADHD. I forget that I’m supposed to be working on music, OR I am so busy trying so hard to do day-to-day life that working on my music feels like a luxury I don’t have time for.
Well, I made time yesterday and posted a song that came to me in my sleep. And soon after all the insecurities came rushing in. I started to second guess everything about the piece and that I posted it. I began to back away from it with a feeling of “maybe no one will listen to it,” while feeling a sense of longing for the original vision to be actualized.
Originally, I saw the song being one of those viral trends of people creating videos of themselves singing all the parts in harmony. And the feeling I had while envisioning that was enough to make me emotional. But then I had the thought of other creations and inspired ideas that I felt that same certainty about that didn’t take off. And that mean internal voice, that tells me to not expect much, was right there to assure me that “No one is going to listen,” “no one even knows you so they’re not about to create a video of your song,” and “the song isn’t that good.” And I listened. And as the day progressed, I believed every word a little bit more.
So on today’s podcast, I outed myself for my insecurities. But I also want to acknowledge that I still did it. And I’m not taking it down. I’ve left room for people may be listening and viewing and just not commenting or liking and it doesn’t mean anything. Then I went to the truth that I believe that says, “My job is to create it and share it. What happens after that is none of my business.” And that’s what I’m trying to practice now. It’s not easy.
Today’s podcast is hilarious. I laughed so much during the recording and as I was editing. It’s light-hearted and inspiring and empowering. And it’s legit one of my favorite podcasts to date.
If you have never checked out my podcast, this is a great one to start with. You’ll get to experience all my sides and get a good idea of who I am as a person and why my podcast is different… in a good way. And you’ll receive some encouragement to do the thing you’ve been putting off because of fear and life and all the other things.
You get to do what’s in you. You get to cultivate your gifts. You get to share your talents. It’s not immature to do the thing that makes you happy and brings you joy. It’s not irresponsible to have a little fun while you’re here. If it’s not hurting anybody, but it hurts you to not do it, hey… you only live once. You get to do it with more joy.
Let’s do this thing with more joy. Let’s take baby steps toward bringing our passions, gifts, and interests back into our lives. Let’s let it be okay to do what lights us up and brings us joy. Let’s embrace those discarded parts a little at a time.
Check out today’s podcast. Remember I cuss. Don’t let it distract you. It’s actually quite funny.
If you’d like to check out more of my blog posts or podcast episodes, tap the button below and just keep reading, listening, and scrolling. Oh, and subscribe while you’re there so you know when I post a new one.
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