Gonna ignore the pit in my stomach from writing that title and let it sit there. Read on and you’ll understand.
Today, on a whim, I decided to preview, then purchase, Shonda Rhimes book, “Year of Yes.” I grabbed it on Audible and pressed play and allowed myself to drift off to sleep while listening.
The really cool thing about listening to a book like this while sleeping is the kind of dreams I ended up having. I was in the room as she was the keynote speaker at a banquet. I got to interact with her directly as she walked the aisles of a lecture hall, sharing her wisdom.
As I drifted in and out of sleep I caught myself speaking my Amens into the silence of my bedroom, and quickly dozed my way back into my seat in the lecture hall.
One of the coolest things about this awesome book is that I can see myself in her stories. I recognize the ways I have felt intimidated by the moms who seem to do it all with minimal effort. The ones who eagerly prepare baked goods with their children for the potlucks. I typically forgot all about it and grabbed something at the bakery on the way. I saw myself in the shame women often experience when accepting a compliment, as humility is pushed on us rather than confidence. When we look at our tv shows and movies, the confident women were usually the characters we were encouraged to hate.
After sleeping and listening for a good hour or more, I woke up feeling empowered. She had transitioned through the shame of accepting public praise for her accomplishments into a beautifully empowering self-acceptance. I thought about my own gifts, skills, and accomplishments and how “radical” it would be to stop hiding my abilities, and to actually fully embrace them.
What if I didn’t shrink back when people compliment me or ask me about what I can do? What if I told them the truth—that I’m really confident in my abilities and I am the best option for them? What if I didn’t allow external fears of failure to talk me out of opportunities, when I know that I am fully capable of succeeding? What if I didn’t feel bad for saying that I am a phenomenal speaker? What if I acknowledge that I can do far more than I have allowed myself to talk about?
And then as I got out of bed the idea came to me for a daily challenge for myself. I got up and wrote on my affirmation chalkboard, “I dare you to believe in yourself fully & unapologetically.” This is my new daily challenge to myself… to stop shrinking, to stop pulling back, to stop with the self-deprecating humor and just by myself fully, with no concern whatsoever about what others feel about it.
Because what I acknowledged as I listened to her is that we shrink back because we don’t want people to say we’re conceited, full of ourselves, aren’t humble, etc. But I don’t think I can name one person that is at the top of their game that does this. Maybe they feel uncomfortable as one goes on about their accomplishments, but within themselves they are okay with being the best. And many of them, if not most, have no problem with saying they are the best.
I think it will be a great gift to allow myself to acknowledge what I’m good at WITHOUT making it small. I need to learn to sit in the truth of what I can do and not feel bad about thinking it, acknowledging it, or saying it.
I think this is even why I have trouble with the booking part of speaking. There’s no humility in selling yourself. Nothing about harping on about ones accomplishments is aligned with how I was conditioned in church to not “think highly” of myself, to defer all compliments and attribute all my good qualities to it being the “Christ in me.” And now as I no longer hold those beliefs and haven’t for some years now, I realize that having no one to give the credit for my awesomeness maybe left me feeling a bit lost. If I can’t give all the credit to Jesus, the only person left to give it to is myself, and that’s wrong. Right?
It’s amazing the conclusions we can come to when we decide to think about what we don’t think about. I do this often and I’m amazed every time. I think about how things are different for women and men… how women are conditioned to be reserved, meek, and humble, to return compliments rather than receive them. If someone says, “I love your dress,” we’re conditioned to say, “This old thing,” or “I got it on sale,” or “No. I love YOUR dress.” When I watch men compliment each other, the interaction is so different. And I know society plays a big role in that.
I guess today was just a time of acknowledging that I am backing out of doing what I’m “supposed” to do. I am allowing myself to get comfortable with owning my abilities. I am choosing to accept compliments without lessening them. I am giving myself permission to trust myself to do things I haven’t done before because I truly KNOW I am capable.
Today was all about saying, “Yes,” to myself, my truth, my awareness of my greatness. And I am excited to go into this new season of life, with a new layer of self-acceptance. I’m eager to see where it takes me. And I hope you’ll give yourself permission to acknowledge your greatness, too.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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