Diagnosis Isn’t a Bad Thing

It’s a complex emotional experience when you realize that everything you were criticized for, got in trouble for, were abandoned for, and have countless traumatic moments about… were are all traits of neurodivergence.

Meme Image: a curly haired woman clasping her hands before her face, eyes closed Text states: “It’s a complex emotional experience, when you realize everything you were criticized for, got in trouble for, were even abandoned for
are all traits of neurodivergence.”
— Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
mdillondesigns.com/blog

Let’s talk a little bit about neurodiversity. I want to share some things with you that I believe will either support you or support someone around you. Just go there with me for a sec….

There’s so much self-loathing that occurs when you spend a large part of your life apologizing for doing/not doing things that bother/hurt other people that are beyond your control. Being diagnosed in adulthood is such a gift to so many people who felt their whole lives that they just couldn’t get things right, couldn’t please anybody, couldn’t complete tasks on time only to find out it was not their fault.

I am one of those individuals who found self-acceptance when I received my ADHD diagnosis. I had no idea. ADHD didn’t look like ADHD in me. What I thought it was supposed to look like was not my life.

But then I began to learn about how it commonly presents differently in women and girls. And I began to learn, one post at a time, what that looked like. I began to see posts about neurodivergence that completely related to my experience. I began to put the puzzle pieces together. And then I was formally assessed.

I sat through hours and hours of interviews, question after question after question for 3 days. Then I did 100s of questions in two online assessments. All were undeniably conclusive. I have ADHD.

Even as I answered the questions, I began to put the puzzle pieces together and see that my experience of childhood, relationships, school, etc. was not as unique as I thought. A misfit in my family/household, but completely “normal” in terms of ADHD symptoms.

It was such a freeing thing. I finally had an answer to why my journey had been so uphill, so hard, so painful (by comparison to my peers). I finally understood why it took me so long to complete things, why I delayed starting big projects (even when I wanted to start early), why I forgot things and lost things and why 5 years could go by like 5 minutes.

I finally was beginning to feel whole. And I began to share my experience because that’s part of my calling (to share as I learn). It was hard to have well-meaning friends reach out to tell me they felt my diagnosis was bull, that the medical industry is trying to get everyone on meds and giving out the diagnoses willy nilly for that cause, that I’ve done too much and accomplished too much to have ADHD (wait til I get the autism diagnosis, they’ll really be lost), and worst of all that “aren’t we all a little ADHD/neurodivergent?”

I share these things, not to shame those who reached out, but to discourage you from doing these things and saying these things. To a person who is newly diagnosed, the diagnosis may be the hope they’ve waited for their whole lives. This may be the key to their self-acceptance. It may be the answer to the question that has been in their mind (and asked of them) their whole life…. “what’s wrong with me?” And the diagnosis may have finally answered that ache in their soul…. “Nothing’s wrong with you. Your brain just works differently.” To feel that you’re helping by telling someone their diagnosis is bullshit is hurtful, not helpful.

If they are crying about it, and devastated and think it’s complete bull, by all means, do your friend thing and tell them, “The doctors got it wrong. Go get a second opinion.” But if they have not expressed to you that this diagnosis feels bad for them, and it is actually making their life make sense, DON’T ASSUME THAT A DIAGNOSIS IS A BAD THING. For them, it might be the hope they’ve longed for their whole life.

Alright, guess that’s all. Have a blessed day.