To all my I-would-celebrate-it-if-I-was-in-a-relationship friends, I am wishing you (and me) a Happy Valentine’s Day!
I think the blessing of 1) having a birthday the day after Valentine’s Day AND 2) having been coupled but unhappy, I don’t take this day hard anymore. I used to.
One thing that I know for sure is that I want love that feels like love to me and I’m willing to be single until that’s what I have. There’s nothing lonelier than feeling alone when you’re with somebody. So I’m feeling empowered today, knowing that I get to design the ideal relationship for me. I get to see it, feel it, believe in it fully. I get to release old hurts and moments that changed my expectations. I get to believe I’ll be celebrating with the love of my life next year (ME) and Mr. Next if that’s how that’s how things unfold. And it would be awesome if Mr. Next is my forever love.
I am choosing to not let the past hold me forever from what’s before me. I have things to heal. I have beliefs to release. I have expectations to shift. And that’ll keep me pretty busy. And today I will appreciate love in all it’s forms. No jealousy. Just appreciation.
Much love to you and yours! 🥰
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Want to enjoy more of my writing? Check out my blog page. You can read and scroll “infinitely.” 😘
For me, I keep finding myself noticing the tendency to want to hide my truth, for fear of judgment. I’m realizing how much life I’ve given up trying to protect an image that technically means nothing to me. I’m releasing shame.
I think, honestly, a lot of shame is really centered in a fear of abuse. It’s not so much that the person feels bad about anything they’re doing. It’s more about the concern of being mistreated because of it, or ostracized, or called a “disappointment.”
So much of what it means to be a human is centered around belonging. And for those who have struggled with being treated as one who belongs, it’s often easier to hide than to stand boldly outside the box.
This year, I feel challenged to be more honest about who I am—to be one person no matter where I go. For the longest time I was a different person with every person I engaged with. I morphed to become who they needed me to be, or who I felt they expected me to be.
One thing that people often say about me is that I’m authentic. And I appreciate that because it truly is a work in progress and it’s beautiful to know that people see me in that way. It shows that I am doing the work to be fully me. And it is work.
I’m gathering my parts and pieces, and accepting that being a different person in every room is too exhausting. I don’t want to work that hard anymore. I am loving myself more this year. And one way that I’m doing that is by no longer hiding parts of me. I’d rather be fully me while you cover your eyes and ears.
With that said, I am doing something that is somewhat terrifying while fully exciting. This is something that I have been wanting to share for a while, and had intended to do it in 2020, and was setting up the details for it. Then, the world shut down.
It’s taken me a long time to get back to a place of considering doing it. I was setting up to offer private, group classes, but the 3 year hiatus strongly impacted my momentum.
I’m so grateful to my friend, fellow author, and gifted intimacy coach, Angie D. Lee for hearing my desire to move forward with this venture (I call Eggplant Goddess™)—an opportunity to empower women to feel more comfortable in the bedroom.
When I shared it with her, she was so encouraging and supportive. She offered me the opportunity to come on her podcast and I’m so grateful. This Friday, with her help, I’ll be bring my skills out the darkness and into the light.
As you must know by now, I am all about empowerment. That’s why I call myself Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist. I am particularly passionate about women’s empowerment. And that comes in many forms. One form is that I help women become comfortable pleasing their intimate partners. (Yep. I meant exactly what you think I meant. 😂) Many women are actually insecure in this area. I’m not. 😅 So, in private, I have supported many women to develop skills and confidence. But I’ve never shared this publicly.
I was going to be afraid that I would scare off my current audience or be looked at in a weird way (given that I’m also a children’s book author). But I’m so grateful for this community that I’ve created here, that constantly affirms me and lets me know that you all accept me as I am, and even encourage me to continue to be more authentic. And I thank you so much for your love and support. (I’m even cussing now. 😂 Primarily on my podcast since it still feels weird here. 😅)
It’s such a relief to be more myself—to expose more of me so I can be more of service. I am a complex individual, with a broad set of skills, passions, and interests. And I believe I get to use all of it for the greater good. I have held myself back for so long because of fear of judgment, fear of shame, …. for fear of losing support and ultimately love.
What I realize now is that by hiding myself and by not allowing myself to serve in all the ways that I was created to serve, I am losing so much more. I’ve made gods of people while denying the god that is within me.
There will always be people to judge and there will be trolls and people who criticize. There will be people who overestimate the value of their opinion, and I just have to make peace with that.
As scary as it is, I’m done dodging the criticism. For all I know it was never coming anyway. And honestly it just reveals which people are not aligned with me…..
So… I’m setting my good girl image free. She once was me. She served her time, but it’s a new season. Bye, innocent one. 🎈😘
This was a long ass post to basically say….. “On Friday, I’ll be joining my sistas on a podcast where we’ll be talking about s*x.” 😆 We’ll be addressing the shame and taboo topics, and the religious and societal influences. And we’ll be answering questions and sharing tips.
Thank you, again, Angie for allowing me to participate in your Girlfriends Chat.
Join us! This online event will be streaming live on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Be sure to RSVP at the link so that you are notified! https://fb.me/e/461bod2lp
“If I could grow in one area this year, that would radically transform my life, it would be….”
Well, here’s my honest answer….
“… self-acceptance. Part of me is still that little girl that no one wanted around, and no one saw as smart, talented, and capable. If I could grow in one are this year, it would be in affirming myself that those were the opinions of a handful of people and I no longer have to try and prove myself to them. There are many others who already see what I have to offer and many who would love to experience all I have to share. If at the end of this year I can say, “I’m so glad that I no longer feel the need to prove myself to anyone, because I know that who’s for me is already with me or the universe will draw us to each other,” I’ve had a great year. This is my intention this year—to become so comfortable with myself that I need no outside affirmation.”
What about you? What growth (in your mindset) this year, would radically transform your life?
You can answer in the comments, the notes app in your phone, on a napkin, in your journal, etc., whatever makes you comfortable. If you’d like to see some changes in your life this year, please complete the statement for yourself.
Fill in the blank for yourself.
“If I could grow in one area this year that would radically transform my life, it would be….”
And if you dare, set this statement as your intention for the year. Write it down. Print it out. Place it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Make it your phone’s wallpaper or lockscreen.
Keep it front of mind in whatever way makes sense for you. That’s what I’m going to do. Here’s to leaving this year more fully ourselves!
Realizing that alignment feels different than discipline…. This is just me talking about what works for me. Believe and do what works for you.
It’s the simple things that can give me deeper revelations. I used to get those Quaker Oats (1/3 sugar) flavored oatmeal packets, because they were a quick option. Over the years it seemed like the sugar to oatmeal ratio just kept getting worse. And eventually I didn’t just feel “guilty” eating them, I didn’t like them. I didn’t want a bowl of sugar with an oatmeal garnish.
Honestly, I probably bought them two more times AFTER coming to that conclusion… because it was simpler than figuring out how to make real oatmeal. (Of course, now I realize it wasn’t that complicated, but I thought it was gonna take a day and half of boiling, like grits.😅)
Each time I ate them, I felt like I was doing something wrong. (Not to mention I’d throw out 1/3 of the packets because that cinnamon flavor is so nasty. Who wants that? Ewww.)
Anyway, back to my point….
Recently, I was at Whole Foods and I saw this oatmeal…. Just regular old, we haven’t done much to it, but put it in the bag, oatmeal. And I bought it. And I thought about what flavors would be nice to taste, AND would be nice to my body. So I added a little honey for the sweetness, a pinch or two of salt because (as Tabitha Brown says) “that’s my business,” and then I thought, “Hmmm…. I wonder how cardamom would taste in here?” So I shook a little of that in there. And LAWD, it was delicious!
I gave myself time to think about what I wanted. I trusted myself to figure it out. I realized that it really is a “boil water and stir” simple process. And I’m now enjoying oatmeal that feels good going down.
I’m not forcing myself to eat right. I’m choosing foods that feel good to eat. And I’m doing it in a way that satisfies my palate. And I’m really proud of myself for that.
I’m sure discipline has its place…. AND I prefer to find ways to make things (I already want to do) enjoyable. I don’t want to make eating a chore. I want to enjoy it. And by simply aligning with my truth and giving myself room to try something new, I found a new favorite thing to eat.
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