I am ADHDing like an emmeffer today 😂 so I’m sharing two things….
A few days ago, this epiphany/insight/odd ass analogy came to me regarding relationships and situationships. It’s kinda deep. Thought I’d share that. (That’s the test drive part.)
Then, today, I had a wild (not quite that wild) series of events that I thought would be a great glimpse into the life of someone with ADHD. So I’m sharing that, too.
If you listen to podcast first, it’ll make more sense, AND it’s not required (since I just explained it). You’ll miss the ADHD story, though (that’s exclusively on the podcast).
So do what works for you. Enjoy!
Just a Test Drive
So I was at the sink washing my face and I started thinking about this idea.
Imagine that you work at a luxury sports car dealership and your coworker sees a potential buyer walk in. They walk over and introduce themselves and the customer from jump says, they’re just looking and and aren’t interested in buying anything right now. Your coworker assures them that their intentions are understood. They continue to walk and talk and after a while your coworker asks if they’d still “like to take it for a test drive?” The customer agrees, knowing it will probably be fun, and reminds your coworker that they’re still not looking to buy. Understood, they go for a test drive.
The ride was awesome. The customer was a really great driver. They both had a great time chatting while the customer took the car for a spin. The customer thanks your coworker and leaves.
About a week later, your coworker calls the same customer in and asks if they’d like to do another test drive. They feel pretty certain that the customer was giving off, “I wanna buy this car” vibes. The customer happens to have a free schedule that day so they say, “Why not?” They come by and drive the car again. They both enjoy the ride. Great conversation. Your coworker is so certain this will turn into a sale that they start to let the customer do their errands during test drives. Their thought is that the more comfortable they are doing normal day-to-day life things with the car, the more likely they’re gonna buy that car.
Clearly the customer is warming up to the idea. I mean, otherwise, why would they keep coming in again and again to drive the car?
After a few weeks of these test drives, your coworker is getting frustrated, wondering when they’re going buy the car. I mean, they can’t just keep driving this car around town and not ever pay for it.
So finally the frustration sets in and they confront the customer and ask, “Why do you keep test driving this car? When are you planning to buy it?” The customer looks at them confused and says, “I told you from the beginning, I wasn’t interested in getting a car right now.” Your coworker is furious. They feel used and like the customer took advantage. But the customer was clear about their intentions from the beginning. They just chose to enjoy the benefits that were being freely offered to them.
This is often what happens with situationships. One person is very clear on their intentions. Often, in the beginning, both people are okay with the temporary nature of things. Then, as more time is spent, one person starts to catch feelings and see the relationship as more than it is. But something seems to be missing on the other person’s end. They’re not making it clear that they are committed, although they are present and spending time. Well, they’re not committed, because they said from the beginning, that’s not what they’re about.
They stuck to their intentions that they were clear about from the beginning. They enjoyed those benefits that were being freely offered, but their intentions never changed.
I share this analogy because I’ve been the one giving out the test drives for so long that I was certain that we were on the same page. Everything looked like it was heading toward a commitment, or even that one was already there, but we never discussed a change in what was happening. We never said that we were shifting from a situation to a relationship. I made all that up in my mind because of what it looked like and what it felt like, and even what words were being said.
What I have learned from multiple painful misunderstandings is that if you did not have a real conversation where both of you established that this is now a committed monogamous relationship, you may be in that relationship by yourself. If you’re having to ask, “So what are we?” You already have your answer. It’s a situationship. If a shift has really happened, it will be clear, and communicated. You deserve that clarity. And if they stick with the original plan, that you all discussed, are they wrong?
Check out today’s podcast!
Day 7 “Who’s in Your Top 5?” #REWIRING Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
*** Learn more about me, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist! ***
On my blog and Share & Let’s Live! podcast, I share tips and tools that are transforming my life and mindset every single day. If you appreciate this FREE daily blog/podcast (and are able), please consider sending a tip via Buymeacoffee. It’s a great way to support without breaking the bank. (No pressure, of course. If you’re unable, please know I understand.)
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