Imposter syndrome is the belief that you don’t belong in the rooms you find yourself in. It’s the paranoia that at any given moment they’ll find out and call you a fraud.
*** This is Part 2 of a two-part educational blog series. Be sure to check out
Part 1 Understanding Imposter Syndrome.***
When we left off, I explained that imposter syndrome is the residue of past traumatic events. I also explained that my definition of trauma is the moment that what you knew to be true dramatically shifted.
So now let’s talk about releasing imposter syndrome.
Of all the work I’ve done on my self-empowerment journey, inner child work and affirmations have had the most lasting effects.
So let’s start with inner child work.
Let me be honest, I used to think inner child work was complete bull. 😂 I thought it was nonsense and wouldn’t give it the time of day. However, I am a person who is all about personal development, so as I was doing all kinds of inner healing, I noticed certain beliefs weren’t going anywhere. I was frustrated.
When a particular topic keeps finding it’s way to me, I take it as a “sign” that it’s a possible next step. And this concept of inner child work kept coming up, 😒 so one day, out of frustration, I decided to learn about it. I went on Google, looked for the top book on the topic, and immediately ordered it on Amazon. Let’s just say that “Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self” by Lucia Capacchione changed my life, and my approach to inner healing.
So, how can I explain this? There is an aspect of your past that still resides within you. It shows up when a certain food, fragrance, or song takes you right back to childhood. Like this morning, I woke up craving corn flakes with that inch thick syrup formed at the bottom from adding way too much sugar. I used to sneak tons of extra sugar into my bowl when my babysitter left the room. 😂 I digress…
So within us that version of ourselves is still holding the stories and beliefs that were developed way back then. As children, we came to conclusions about what moments meant and we often hold onto those meanings well into adulthood—even for the rest of our lives. So if we lost a pet, and it was devastating, and we decided back then that it hurts too much to lose the ones we love, maybe we decided that “love hurts so I’ll never do it again.” We might not remember coming to that conclusion in that moment, but we may go the rest of our lives not fully loving anyone or anything. And it all started in that moment.
Inner child work allows us to bring our grown up knowledge to our child self and say, “I remember how hurt we were when that happened. And it feels safer to not feel deeply, so we won’t get hurt. But we’re also missing out on opportunities to feel and receive love. We deserve to experience love. Plus, look at us. We went through that and survived. We’re still here. We’ve accomplished so much since then. We’re stronger than we think. Let’s try being open to love.”
Inner child work allows us to guide our former selves toward new conclusions, based on what we know now. We can reach back and hold our hand, and be our own companion as we navigate life. As we do this, we are able to make decisions as who we are now, and what we know now, rather than from who we were then and what we believed back then.
Make sense? I’ve done quite a few blog posts and podcast episodes on inner child work. These are available on my website (of course, they’re free). I also highly recommend the book I mentioned above.
So let’s talk about affirmations.
It’s likely that you’ve heard of affirmations, currently use affirmations, have tried affirmations and it didn’t work so you think it’s bull, or all of the above. Honestly, it’s been all of the above for me. But for starters, let’s get a definition.
An affirmation is a phrase you say or a thought you think over and over again until it becomes a belief. They can be positive or negative.
For a while, I rolled my eyes every time someone brought up positive affirmations. I thought they didn’t work. But then I remembered there was a time when they did work for me. What I realized is that what I was doing when they worked was very different from what I was doing when they didn’t.
This is what I’ve learned about using affirmations. Repeating a string of random phrases with no feeling behind them has no power. However, if you say/think these phrases repeatedly with feeling and intention, amazing things can happen.
When it comes to imposter syndrome, part of the reason we feel insecure is because we have a belief running on loop in the back of our minds that is convincing us of our inadequacy. Each time it comes up, we feel something (typically fear) and that
reinforces the belief. To shift the belief, we need to affirm the contrary, and feel confident, even if we have to fake it. Honestly, if we can just muster enough belief to believe it’s possible that our new belief can be true, that’s enough to begin a pivot.
Whether the imposter phrase is, “you know what happened the last time,” or “they’re probably just waiting you to fail,” this nagging negative affirmation tends to show up at the worst times. This is actually a GREAT clue on how, and when, to use positive affirmations.
I personally like to use a “piggyback” method, with affirmations. It is the most effective way for me to solidify new beliefs. For example, in moments when I’m preparing to facilitate an empowerment workshop, and my mind says, “They’re not sure you can handle this,” I say/think back to that voice, “I’ve done this before, and I rocked it. I’m ready to do it again.” Or even when I’m grudgingly on my way to yet another school potluck—knowing I’m an introvert and abhor awkward peopling at parent events—I do the same thing. When my mind says, “This is gonna be terrible. You don’t know anybody there,” I counter with, “I actually made a friend at the last one. Maybe she’ll be there and it won’t be so bad.” Instead of agreeing with my mind, I counter it with an affirmation or facts.
It helps to get into the habit of countering the mind’s objections to our awesomeness, rather than agree. It’s the agreeing that increases/solidifies the imposter syndrome. Start paying attention to what your mind tells you that has you feeling like an imposter. You can create a phrase, and have it ready, to counter the fearful/insecure statement.
Here are a few affirmations you can use:
– “I am qualified.”
– “I get to try new things.”
– “I might actually be successful at this.”
– “I can do hard things.”
– “I’m on my team. And I know I can do this.”
– “Who cares what they think? I know who I am.”
– “I am willing to trust myself with this.”
– “I’d rather try and know, than wonder, ‘What if?'”
– “I have nothing to lose, and all to gain.”
– “I am worth the effort.”
– “I bet on everyone else. It’s time I bet on me.”
You can use any of these, or come up with your own. Just know that you deserve the opportunities you desire. Give yourself a chance to prove that you can do it and know that you can try again. If things happen to not work out, DO NOT go back to that old negative affirmation. Find one that supports you toward your intentions. “I learned from this so I’m coming back stronger.” “Another opportunity is before me. Let me get ready.” “I know I’m qualified, and the right opportunity is right around the corner.”
Don’t give into discouragement and solidify that old belief. Get back up and keep affirming something new. I’m in this with you. I’ll be doing this to release my uncertainty around trusting what I think I know. I’m not giving up. So don’t you give up either.
If this was helpful to you, please share it. Check out my blog and daily podcast for more empowerment. Thank you so much for being here. If you didn’t catch Part 1, there’s probably a link in the comments or message me and I’ll send you the link.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Owner of MDillon Designs & Publishing
Podcaster at Share and Let’s Live!
Author of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!
Find out more about me and check out all I do at mdillondesigns.com!
As unfortunate as this is, it also gives me clarity on how to heal this wound. The wound was created by an overexaggeration of my mistake and a series of similar experiences that solidified the belief. With each experience, I affirmed that “I can’t trust what I think I know.” When we continue to affirm a belief, we solidify it.
Please Share / Comment below if this was a blessing to you. 🥰
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