Stepping Into Fear

Want to know what’s holding you back? Do something that you’ve been scared to do, and see what comes up. 😱

Photo of an onstage microphone closeup with rainbow colored lights in background. Text states, "Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist There are messages in our fears. Let's step forward and listen. mdillondesigns.com"

This morning I decided to do something I’ve never done. I periodically (multiple times per week) receive songs intuitively throughout the day, or in my dreams. A few years ago, I downloaded an app to my phone that allows me to record and compose music. When these songs come to me, I just open the app, press record, and sing the melody or parts with my scratchy morning voice and send the file to my songwriting folder on Google Drive. Today, I decided to do something different.

After I recorded the vocals, and my random instructions to myself, I tapped the share link in the app. And this time, I thought, “I should just share it to SoundCloud.” I sat there for a while with my finger over the SoundCloud icon debating it, then I tapped the logo. 😬

Luckily, it didn’t immediately share the file. I had to complete a short form before submitting. First, I named the file. That wasn’t too hard. (The title of the song is “I Can Be More Than This.”) Then it asked for a description. I was very honest (just in case I had the nerve to actually post it). I shared that it was just rough vocals of a melody, and the parts, and I even noted that there may be some ramblings of random instructions.

Then, my eyes skipped downward and saw the option to share it publicly, and it was set to public by default. 😳

That’s when I started to panic, wondering “What was I thinking? I can’t share this publicly. It’s not even composed. I have my random notes in it. There isn’t any music. No one does this. The end isn’t in rhythm because I was still thinking it through. I CANNOT post this publicly.”

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. My inner panicking was premature. I wasn’t actually at that option yet. My next step was to choose what genre my song fits in. After scrolling the list twice… well, three times… I couldn’t find one that fit. Immediately that same inner catfish started talking. “See. It doesn’t even fit in a genre. Don’t post it. There isn’t even an inspirational option. No gospel either. Is this even gospel? Do you even know what genre this is? Just wait. You can post it later… privately… after you fix it.”

That’s when I realized, if I didn’t post it publicly right then, I was never gonna post it. The opportunity to do the same thing I always do was right in front of me, and I needed to make a choice. If I chose to share it privately, I was just going to keep it in my account forever and never go back and listen to it. I’ve done that so many times. At this point I likely have at least 100 songs in my Google Drive. But, I want to be a songwriter. I want people to hear my music. I want to make progress. So, you know what? I chose to do something different.

I ignored that voice that was rapid fire spewing excuses. I chose a random genre, quickly scrolled and found that share button. AND I HIT SHARE! 🎉

I didn’t even allow myself to overthink it. I got up to prepare my daughter’s breakfast and made her lunch for school. Luckily #ADHD kicked in, since I was so focused on other things, and I actually forgot I posted the song.😆 I heard an odd notification on my phone, but ignored it and kept working. (I assumed it was just CashApp telling me I needed to add funds to my account…. again. 🙄) I got her food packed, grabbed my phone and saw I had two notifications from SoundCloud! 😳

I glossed over the first one that said someone liked my track. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful. It was that I immediately saw the word “COMMENTED” in the second notification. 😱

Instantly, the flood of insecurities came rushing back in. “Why did they comment? Was it positive? Oh gawd was it a critique?! What if they hurt my feelings? What if they said the exact same things I knew I should’ve fixed? Why did I lose the rhythm on that last bar? I shouldn’t have posted it. What was I thinking? Wait…. What if it was good? What if they liked it? What if more people like it and it goes viral? Oh gawd, if it goes viral everyone will hear my random comments. What if they’re the only one who likes it? Oh gawd. What if I don’t get any more notifications? What if there are more comments? Why isn’t my phone making any noise? How do I turn these notifications off?! This is why I don’t do things like this.”

And that’s when I realized why I’ve been stuck all these years. I’ve been “trying to be a songwriter” for over a decade. I even followed inspiration, and went up to my pastor (Charles Jenkins), after service and told him that I’ve been songwriting and wasn’t sure why God was making me tell him.🙄He was so gracious and kind, and told me to simply put something on CD and let him hear it. 🥰 Being a perfectionist (someone who delays progress to avoid criticism, or at least that’s my definition) I figured all I had to do was learn how to play an instrument, purchase and learn Cubase, go to school for music production, or make a lot of money and pay someone to compose my music so I could get that to him. Simple, right? 😆 Yeah. I still haven’t gotten that CD to him… over 10 years later.

Anywho, as all those thoughts came rushing in, I realized that’s what’s been keeping me stuck. The reason I’m not songwriting is NOT because I don’t understand the software. It’s not because I still haven’t learned to play the piano in rhythm. It is simply that when I go to create I’m bringing all these “not enough” thoughts with me. I don’t believe I can succeed at it if anyone can find fault with it. I think that imperfections mean I’ll be boxed out. My inner voice is constantly criticizing me BEFORE I even get started. It has convinced me that all my efforts won’t be enough. That’s why I’m stuck and that’s probably why you’re stuck, too.

So here’s my recommendation, if you want it. If you want to dramatically move forward on that thing you were created to do—that thing that you know will be awesome and bring love and light to our world (or just yours)—take a step toward it. Then, see what objections come up.

Expose the critical voice in your mind. What is it saying to you? Why does it believe you can’t have it, be it, do it? Once you know the arguments, you can dismantle them and begin to make progress. That’s exactly what I plan to do.

I’m going to explain this further in my upcoming book, You’re Being Catfished: 7 Strategies for Overcoming Your Inner Critic. But for now, start thinking about a reasonable, scary-ish step forward… one that’s uncomfortable, but won’t ruin you. Take a step. See what comes up. Write down the criticism and reasons to retreat. Work through them in your journal, or with a friend, therapist, or mentor who empowers you.

We can do this. We can courageously step into our fears.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist #Proud2BNaturalMe

BTW…. this is the song….

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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!

Thank you so much for reading! Please share.

Are You a River or a Swamp?

Have you ever read a post that brightened your day and was exactly what you needed to hear in that moment? What did you do with it? Did you share it, or did you read it, like it, and go on with your life?

Image of a body of water. Text states "Be a river not a swamp. Empowering posts are meant to flow. Don't let them die with you. If it moves, let it move someone else. Share!"

I’m the type of person that when something blesses me, I want it to bless other people. Most of my blogs are epiphanies I had in the moment and eagerly shared with you minutes later. I am a river. I am not a swamp. I’d rather be a fruit tree than a flower (if that analogy works better for you).

It’s fine to gain a little boost for your day, but what if someone else in your friend’s list needed that same boost? What if someone in your FB group, or even a friend or family member that is not on social media needed that same message?

I am going to share when I get a “word.” That’s just me. AND if you read my posts and gain from them, I want you to know, I DID NOT JUST WRITE THAT FOR YOU. I wrote it for you AND the next person. If you read it, enjoy it, get your boost from it, and then don’t share it, it dies with you. I don’t want that.

I write my posts because it is my mission. I.U.S.E. the world—Inspire Uplift Support and Empower. I want to inspire, uplift, support, and empower you AND the next person. So please, if my posts encourage you or give you a boost, help me with my mission to reach others and just hit Share. You don’t have to give a commentary on it. You don’t have to defend it. You don’t have to explain why it resonates with you. I just ask that you share it.

Thank you so much for helping me fulfil my purpose.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!

Don’t Let Them Limit You

“I give myself permission to be more, do more, have more and say more.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist 

This week, I answered the call to be an artist. For most of my life, I have been aware of my artistic abilities, but I did not view myself as an artist… well, at least not anymore. 

Many of us carry around wounds from a moment in time when someone expressed their opinion about who we are, what we do well, and our potential for greatness. A few words from another can destroy dreams and erase confidence. I carried a wound like that for decades. I would refer to myself as a “designer,” but rarely ever as an artist. 

This year, I decided to to live more authentically and stop hiding my talents. I, now, unapologetically share my gifts. I believe this shift has caused doors of opportunity to open for me. Without any real effort of my own, I began to receive requests to display my talents. 

The funny thing is that I did not suddenly feel qualified or ready. I just decided that it is my intention to share my gifts so whether I feel ready, or not, I give myself permission to say, “Yes,” anyway. 

….This morning I completed my piece for an upcoming art exhibit. It’s crazy how you can deny a part of you for so long, but the second you accept it, the opportunities beyond your wildest dreams flood in toward you, even though you might not feel ready.

Maybe someone in your life told you who you are not, and what you could never be. Maybe they told you what you weren’t good at and what you shouldn’t even consider. It’s time, today, to decide for yourself. You can continue to allow someone’s OPINION to keep you from who you are, OR you can decide today that you get to live a life that is aligned with your truth. (I’ll give you a hint. Their words wouldn’t have hurt, if they were aligned with your truth.) Your truth matters more than anyone’s opinion. Get back to believing in yourself. Release their opinion and give yourself permission to return to the truth of who you are. 

Give yourself permission to be more, do more, and say more than you’ve allowed. You only get one life. Live it authentically. I’m not only saying this to you, I’m saying it to myself, too.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

#Proud2BNaturalMe❤️💜💙💚

*This is a repost of a blog I wrote in 2020. Still very relevant today. The image is new and some wording has been updated. Blessings!

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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!

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Love Feels Like Love

Image of young lady with glasses and curly hair, appearing sad, sitting outdoors against a brick wall. Text states: Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist "Healthy relationships help you love yourself more. Pay attention when your relationship makes you feel bad about yourself." mdillondesigns.com

There’s a meme that’s been circulating around FB for a while that states, “If you see a woman that has everything going for herself and you’re not ready to add value to her life, just admire her from afar. Please don’t interrupt her greatness.” I’m not sure who wrote it (or I’d tag them and give them credit), but it really resonates with me and my experience.

When I saw the post, today, I was preparing to repost it with my own caption —”… that means you, narcissists”—but decided this was a great opportunity to share a bit of my own story and offer someone the opportunity to run for the hills if they can relate.

It took me over a decade to realize that one of my past relationships was not only unhealthy and “toxic,” it was actually emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and codependent.

I remember meeting this guy, he seemed to have a really great personality. I saw him as a colleague, and maybe a friend. I wasn’t focused on being in a relationship at that time, and I wasn’t attracted to him. He was just cool to hang out with and talk to.

I was focused on me when I met him. I had just gotten to a place of feeling comfortable with myself, and was at peace being single. I had just cleared up my credit and paid off my debts. I was doing well, but I didn’t realize it. I was too busy comparing myself to others. I was winning but really insecure.

In retrospect, I think he picked up on that. We connected very quickly as friends. I was new to the area and didn’t know a lot of people, so the time we spent together made me feel less lonely. We’d sit and chat, but I didn’t feel like he was hitting on me. We were getting closer, though. I started to ignore the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him and focused on how easy conversation was. He shared about his past and I developed compassion for him. I began to think, “He’s such a great guy. He just needs someone to love him.”

He rapidly fast tracked our friendship into a relationship by professing his love very early, followed by guilt-tripping me for not feeling the same. Being someone who prides herself in being nice, I didn’t want to keep hurting his feelings, so I pushed myself to catch up.

Before I knew it, I was fully in a relationship I never wanted, forgot about my plans, my goals, and my intentions. As soon as I was all in, the nice guy role disappeared and he began to tear down my self-esteem. I know this isn’t my typical upbeat post, but I feel it can empower someone to walk or run away before they end up deep in something that leaves them as a shell of who they were.

I had no idea. I just thought he was an “angry at the world” type, but that as long as that anger wasn’t turned toward me, I was okay. I didn’t realize that from the beginning I was being manipulated into giving up my hopes, dreams, personality, identity, autonomy, friends, and family. I was torn down constantly and didn’t even realize it was happening. The constant criticism and continuous demands for me to give and do more were my norm. The guilt-tripping and expectations for me to prove my loyalty was so constant that I didn’t even recognize what was happening. I just knew that I couldn’t get it right, I was never doing enough to make him happy. He constantly told me how he was wasting his time with me and that he could be with other people but was stuck with me, and I believed him. He fed me that narrative so much that I stopped seeing the truth.

This relationship ended a long time ago, but it was just months ago that I read this article on a website that described my relationship as if our years together had been recorded and transcribed. As I scrolled that page I realized our “relationship” was nothing more than the standard narcissist script.

I wrote this post for the person who is in a relationship that makes them feel bad. I’m not talking about the, “We’ve been together so long that we’ve lost our spark,” kind of feel bad. I’m talking about the kind of relationship where no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get it right. Where you walk on eggshells because you never know what will piss them off. The kind of relationship where they demean you in public. The kind of relationship where you feel worse about yourself the longer you’re in it. The kind of relationship where you feel relieved every time they leave the house.

If you remember nothing else from this post, remember that “love feels like love.” Love doesn’t feel like being bullied and it doesn’t feel like being afraid. It doesn’t feel like your belly constantly in knots. (Butterflies feel different.) Regardless of what you’ve been told, you are worthy of love. You are not a problem. You can be loved totally as you are by someone. You don’t have to be more, smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, more outgoing, quieter, or whatever else to be loved. You are worthy of love right now and you deserve to be in a situation that feels like love. True love causes you to love yourself more as you witness them seeing the beauty of who you are. We are ALL worthy of that kind of love.

I am leaving some links below (including the one that caused me to discover the nature of the relationship I was in). If you know someone who may benefit from this post, or the links, please share. Most people would never know that I went through this so don’t assume that there is no one you know who needs this post.

Sending you much love.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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