It’s not personal. It’s not intentional. It’s not planned.
Don’t be offended. I don’t do it on purpose. I don’t have control over it. I try to work around it, but sometimes I miss it.
Being mistreated, and having the people you care about assume the worst, is so hurtful.
I have missed funerals, been late to weddings, missed important events, and ruined/delayed MANY dinners (that required something that was still in the freezer) by forgetting.
And it was never because IDGAF.
I forgot because my brain misplaced the file or forgot to log it. I didn’t forget because I don’t care or want to hurt you.
I will apologize or even try to make it right, if possible. And your negative response, or lack of a response, will gut me. I’m not a person who shows up in life being intentionally hurtful. So the assumption is insulting and my feelings will be hurt… for a little while.
But I’ve been through this so many times throughout my life. So I will be kind to myself and let you be mad. That’s unfortunately part of life for a lot of us with ADHD. A lot of criticism. A lot of false assumptions. A lot of unjustified conclusions drawn. A lot of hurtful words. And we have to keep going, because people can’t relate and don’t understand us.
It is what it is. People will believe what they choose to believe. And we will make mistakes. And we have to choose to love ourselves through them.
AND, honestly, I choose to release people who are committed to believing a false narrative about me. I’m not going to constantly defend myself. They can keep thinking what they want and I’ll just channel my kindness elsewhere. If you’re convinced I’m the bad guy, continue with that. You’re entitled to your opinion, no matter how wrong it it. But what you won’t do is keep spewing that nonsense you believe and have my attention. We’re clearly not aligned and you don’t know me, so I will calmly show you the door.
On the other hand, I love love love the people who come into my life and see the real me and don’t assume the worst and get instantly offended when I make mistakes. Little by little people like that are flowing into my life and filling the void left by those who just didn’t get me.
So feel free to release those who are committed to not understanding you. Communicate clearly and if they refuse to see the truth of you, do yourself a favor and let them go. There are others who will see the truth of you… in time. Free up their seats.
Blessings,
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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