Today, I had a short but powerful chat with my Roomie!!!
Sometimes people come into your life and the connection is so clearly divine that you keep them forever. I’m so grateful for the beautiful soul that I met in college that I get to forever call my Roomie!
I was chatting with her today and she said, “I’m always here.” And it really touched me. I knew she was telling the complete truth. People say that all the time, but she has proven it to be true.
Her statement was so simple, yet so profound that it sent me into such deep thought that it became the topic of my blog and podcast, today.
I am the type of person who rarely asks for help. Despite my posts asking for you to check out my support page or to send up a prayer on my behalf, I have spent most of my life never asking for help. Those posts are actually about the extent of it. I’ll sooner go without, or try to figure things out myself.
I have a lot of history with asking for help from people who I thought would naturally say, “Yes,” only to have them respond in very hurtful ways. I’ve had plenty of moments that reinforced a belief that “I’m in it by myself.”
What I recognized in this conversation I had with my dear Roomie is that I was asking the wrong people for support. I actually had people in my life who I could go to, that would willingly help me, but they weren’t the ones I thought of when I needed someone. I went to the people who I speak to everyday, the ones who I chat with all the time, the ones who my parents know and have been on the team forever. When I could’ve called my Roomie and she would’ve not only given advice, but she’d hop in the car and drive across state lines to be my side. And how do I know that? Because she’s done it before… voluntarily… more than once.
I realized that we put people in seats and don’t evaluate if they really belong there. We use outdated criteria for elevating some rather than others. I know I personally am a person who automatically puts people in the nose bleed seats if I met them after a certain point, because I felt my roster was full. And I don’t even barely speak to most of those people who had the front row seats in my life. But because I was jaded, I slapped a reserved sign on those seats and left them vacant.
She helped me see that I’ve given VIP status to the wrong people. Some who I later found out were fake friends. They didn’t even like me, hated for me to come around, thought the worst of me. I have people I’ve met on social media who see me better and know the real me more than people I’ve known for over 20 years. Don’t they deserve VIP status?
And maybe you can relate. You may have some Day 1’s that you can’t even talk to about your dreams. You may have friends you’ve known for 30+ years that you know you are not nearly aligned with. You may have some people in your life who have done you dirty, but you forgave them (every time) and you keep them around because it feels wrong to “leave your old friends for your new friends.”
Well, at this point in my life, I’m done with place holders. It’s people who I know if I stopped texting them to check on them, our relationship would fully dissolve. And you know what? I stopped texting them! That sh*t is toxic. I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t care about if I’m dead or alive. I don’t really want people around (in those VIP seats) that doesn’t notice if they haven’t heard from me.
Significance matters to me. Of course, I have some friends who we can go 6 months or even 6 years and if we caught up today it will be like we never skipped a beat. But that’s not how it gets to be with my closest friends. You can be a dearest friend, but not the closest. I need people who I can call when I need to talk. Just like despite my I don’t talk on the phone rule, my friends know if they’re in distress I’m gonna answer their call.
I need my inner circle to be people I can share my dreams with. I need my inner circle to be people who believe in me. I need my inner circle to be people who cheer me on. And my inner circle can offer critique, but it’s not primarily what they do. They primarily lift me up, see the good in me, expect things to work out for me, get excited with me when I’m winning….
Back in the day I used to attend a lot of gospel concerts. Up close to the choir, there would be a few pews sectioned off for the “very important people” (the VIPs). That’s where the recording artists, pastors of the big churches, and the radio personalities sat. And sometimes I got to enjoy those seats because I worked for a record label.
A lot of us have the wrong people in the VIP section of our lives. We’re still keeping people there based on old criteria. Well, if you’ve read this far, maybe it’s time for you to start playing musical chairs and snatch some seats. It might time for you to reevaluate your priorities in this area of your life and decide who deserves to sit up front.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
MDillon Designs & Publishing 