I went most of my life feeling insecure and inadequate for the ways I didn’t measure up to those around me. I was getting A’s, but couldn’t sound out words. Getting A’s on tests, but always forgetting my homework. In school, when you’re achieving at or above grade, they assume you don’t need services. I was struggling and no one knew it.
So when I messed up, the criticism I’d receive, was etched deep into my self-concept. They told me I was lazy, but I turns out that I was dealing with low dopamine. They told me I was scatterbrained and inconsistent. Turns out I have ADHD. When I struggled to complete large projects, I had no idea I was struggling with executive dysfunction.
My entire concept of who I am was steeped in messages of failure and inadequacy. No wonder my self-esteem was so low.
So I am grateful for my former therapist who noticed the issues I was dealing with were NOT character flaws, and were not due to laziness. They were not due to a lack of drive, or because I lacked ambition. The symptoms and signs I was dealing with were actually consistent with neurodivergence. And I had NO IDEA.
I had struggled my whole life wondering why things that were easy for everybody else were sooo hard for me—why a 15 minute task took me 5 months, or even 5 years to complete.
I just felt bad about myself on top of dealing with the outside criticism, and dealing with the results of not doing the things that needed to be done.
Whether it was family or well-meaning business coaches, I gained so many discouraging messages about my potential not matching my output.
Sometimes a compliment feels like a gut punch. When someone says, “If I had half your talent, I’d be rich or president,” it doesn’t come across as “Wow. You’re so gifted. That’s amazing.” It comes across as, “You’re such a waste of talent.” And that’s how I’ve felt most of my life…. like a waste of talent.
And this is why it’s important who you connect yourself to. My dear friend, a brilliant coach, Sunshine Boatright, regularly posts about ADHD. I happened to see one of her posts and it led me to begin to question the possibility that I am neurodivergent. At the same time, my therapist was gently (and regularly) suggesting that I consider being assessed. After seeing Sunshine’s post that resonated with me, I decided to go ahead and sign up for testing.
The journey after that has been… a blessing. I found out that I’d been neurodivergent my whole life and that knowledge began a new healing journey for me. My last two therapists have helped me to rebuild my sense of self by acknowledging that my challenges weren’t character flaws. They were results of being neurodivergent.
I could say more, but then you won’t listen to the podcast. lol
So check out the podcast. Maybe it’ll help you or someone you know.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Day 22 “I’m Neurodivergent NOT Lazy & Inconsistent” #TAKEITEASY Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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