We all have experienced thoughts that talked us out of doing a thing that was on our heart… those little perfectionist tendencies, and fears of criticism, that say we should wait until we can do it better.

For me it’s this pixelated, low-res image of myself at the end of my Year In Review video. It’s the pic that I use on everything because I think I look super cute. It’s one of my favorite pics of me. I rarely ever take a selfie, and it’s even rarer for me to like the ones I do take. (I think I’m way cuter in person.) Honestly, I haven’t been photo ready since the pandemic. It’s all pj’s and hats going on over here.

Anywho… so yesterday, I was ready to post this video and I paused because the last frame is not perfect. I haven’t taken professional photos and I as I watched the video I cringed at the quality of my pic. I really wanted to use it because it is the only photo of me and I wanted to be in my video. I kept hearing the voice of imaginary viewers saying, “Dang. She couldn’t get a professional headshot?” I thought of the many business coaches who I’ve heard say, “If you want people to take your business seriously, you need professional photos.” I paused and nearly scrapped the whole video!

Then, I remembered an epiphany that came to me the day prior. I realized that… and this is super vulnerable… my ultimate goal for most of my life has been to avoid criticism. Everything that I’ve wanted my entire adult life has been so I could finally feel safe. Until the moment I received that insight, I had no idea that the elusive finish line—I’ve been pursuing since my 20’s—is the day I get to exclaim, “I have all my ducks in a row, and there’s nothing left for anyone to criticize!”

Good luck with that one, Marlene.

The important thing about this discovery is that I realized it’s a hopeless pursuit. Idon’t have control over anyone else’s perception of what I do, or of what they feel I should do differently. I will never be able to please everybody.

So I decided that I’m done trying to please everyone. From now on, I’m going to do my work for me. I will still have standards, but I’ve decided to let my intentions guide me rather than my fears.

I’ve decided to be more committed to my intentions, than I am to avoiding what I fear. So from now on, I’ll “feel the fear (of criticism) and do it anyway. That’s my plan for 2022. I’m leaving the old way in 2021. It didn’t serve me, anyway.

So let me tell you about my video….

This year has been a major deep dive of inner work and personal development. I have been working on me ALL year! One of the greatest decisions I made, was to take you along for the ride.

I decided to show up more by blogging about my journey and my epiphanies along the way. I always add a “call to action” so that you’re not just listening to me drone on pointlessly. I want you to get something out of it, too. So I offer you some ideas of ways you can incorporate my lessons into your own journey.

I am so grateful that you are with me, walking this path and growing in your own way. This year I started blogging several times per month and I create my own memes to go with each blog post. My video is a collection of some of my favorite memes I created this year. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. Thank you for how you evolve and show up in this world because we’re all connected. How we show up matters.

Thank you for your support of me, my work, my posts, my art…. all of it. I am grateful for you being a part of my community—which I decided yesterday morning to call my Empowerment Community. As I empower you, you also empower me. Your uplifting comments, shares, and likes inspire me to keep going and to remember that I am not alone. It is a blessing to have your company on this journey.

Continue being good to yourself and the people who cross your path. Continue doing good in the world. It all matters. Your ripple is far bigger than you can imagine. You matter. You are amazing! You’re a blessing to me and to our world. I am grateful for you.

Blessings! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Creator of #Proud2BNaturalMe

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Tap here to check out my full blog posts!

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For community members with visual impairments, I created an audio track just for you. Tap here to listen to the music from the original 2021 Year in Review video, with voice over descriptions of each image. I hope this is helpful. Happy New Year! I have also listed the descriptions below.

My Year in Review video is just images, text, and music. I’ve provided a description of each frame below. Blessings!

• Frame 1 – Blue screen with white script text states A Year in Review
• Frame 2 – Image of a purple flower with raindrops on petals, facing downward, stem bent; Text in purple states “All things work together for good.”
• Frame 3 – Image of desert background with blue sky. Text states “I forgive myself for trusting you more than me.”
• Frame 4 – Image of a camping site with tent and wood fire. Text states, “Let’s stop building houses where we should be pitching tents.” Inspired by T. D. Jakes.
• Frame 5 – Image of series of archways in perspective, each one appearing smaller than the one before it. Text states Our thoughts guide our emotions.
• Frame 6 – Image of a young woman with curly hair holding a cellphone. Text states: “A thought is a suggestion —to keep or discard is our choice.
• Frame 7 – Image of heaven, bright sky with clouds and streams of light from center. Text states: We are all connected. Follow intuition. Don’t hold back.
• Frame 8 – Image of a winding road from driver’s perspective. Trees line the sides of the road. Text states: The past is over. What are you going to do with the present?
• Frame 9 – Image of an orange, black, and white monarch butterfly on a yellow flower. Text states I love myself unconditionally—all I was, al I am, and ALL I am becoming.
• Frame 10 – Image of a gray brick wall. White text outlined in light blue states Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind — even if your voice shakes. Maggie Kuhn
• Frame 11 – Image of a winding road with trees on both sides. Text states We will never reach our individual destinations navigating our lives with someone else’s map.
• Frame 12 – Image of close up child with folded arms staring into the distance. Parents in background arguing. Text states Children believe it’s their fault. It’s our job to teach them it’s not.
• Frame 13 – Image of a ocean shore line. Turquoise water, foamy waves against a sandy beach shore. Text in dark bluish green states What if our assignment as parents is to get our children to their destiny…. whole?
• Frame 14 – Image of close up of four plants growing out of soil, each at different growth stages. Green background. Text in green states, “Problems are opportunities we create when we want to grow.” Louise Hay
• Frame 15 – Image of two children dressed up in silver astronaut costumes. One wearing a helmet. One wearing goggles. Both sitting in a homemade spaceship of tin foil and soda bottles. Text states, Stop asking children what they want to be when they grow up, unless you intend to speak life into their dreams.
• Frame 16 – Image of person holding and looking over a resume with a stack of more resumes before them. Text states, You are enough. Maybe they were just underqualified.
• Frame 17 – Image Close up of a sheet of ruled paper and the tip of a pencil. Text states You matter. Your presence matters. What small thing can you do today to make a positive impact?
• Frame 18 – Photo of Marlene Dillon smiling, natural curly hair, black blouse. Text states Marlene Dillon Empowerment, I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! Author Illustrator, MDillon Designs & Publishing Owner

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Want to listen to my blog posts? Check out my Spotify.

More posts are being added. Soon all my blog posts will be available in text and audio. So check back later, or leave me a note in the comments if the post you’re looking for isn’t available in on my Spotify. Blessings!

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A fashion designer and an artist.” “You better rethink that artist part, unless you wanna be broke.” She ran out of the room and was a puddle of tears. It took years to get her to even think about drawing again. Every time I think of that moment, my chest tightens.

Realists think they are doing people favors with their “shoot from the hip” honesty. But when you take shots at a child’s dreams, you assassinate their passion, their optimism, and sometimes their purpose.

Children are new here and they look to us who’ve been around a while as experts on what is true about this place. They are like foreigners in a new country. They observe us for clues of how things work. They pay attention to everything we do, say, and what we don’t do or say. They notice what our body language and facial expressions, and how those communicate to others. They watch how we, and others, react to all of it. We are their guides to the human experience.

They also pay attention to our energy and how and why we express our emotions. They pick up on our triggers, our fears, and our beliefs. They adopt them even if they don’t know why we behave, or believe, as we do. They gain their perspective of what is safe, pleasant, and acceptable by watching how we respond. Everything we do impacts them. Everyone they encounter impacts their perception, and alters it.

We need to take that responsibility more seriously. When you are fumbling for conversation with a child, don’t ask them what they want to be for a living. Your response to their answer can impact them for the rest of their lives. How many adults do you know who are actually doing the thing they really wanted to do as a kid, or even what they originally majored in their freshman year of college? Why do so few continue on the path that lit them up from childhood? No. It’s not because it was an impossible dream. No. It’s not even because they were lazy or unfocused. More often than not, someone taught them that what they really wanted to do was pointless, a bad idea, too hard for them, etc. Some parent, teacher, sibling, advisor, or even a character on a TV show, expressed that the goal was unattainable, so they retreated.

If you do not have a belief that all things are possible, you should not ask a child what they want to be, do, or have in their future. I don’t care if they say they want to be a pineapple, or want to have a spaceship in their backyard, it is not our place to destroy a child’s ability to dream. Between the ages of 0 to 7 years old, children gather most of the beliefs that they will hold for the rest of their lives! If you happen to be the pessimistic jerk, or realist, who crosses their path and teaches them not to believe in what very well could be the one thing they came here to do, you have essentially taken their life from them.

Not every child is meant to be a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, or policeman. Every profession is needed to keep our world going. Just because something isn’t your dream, or because you don’t know anyone succeeding at a particular career, does not mean that you have to forewarn them of impending doom. Not every artist is starving. Not every athlete doesn’t make it big. Some succeed. We have no idea the potential in a child. Just as we can’t look at an acorn and know which will become an oak. It’s not our place to crush every acorn saying, “Only one in 10,000 becomes a tree.” What if the one you crush was meant to be the most majestic of all?

I get it. The holidays come and you’re stuck at the kids table and you don’t know what to say. All I’m saying is, whatever you do, do not default to that dream destroying question. Even if you don’t respond with, “That’s stupid,” your facial expressions, your body language, etc. communicates so loudly. They take it all in.

As you gather with your loved ones, or get together on Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime choose to communicate love. Ask better questions. And before you ask, ask yourself why you are asking. If it’s just to fill the space, just sit with the awkward silence until you have something empowering to say….

That… individual… who asked my child that question, probably doesn’t even remember the conversation. My child does, though. Every time she speaks about wanting to be an artist, she brings up that moment. Every time she feels pulled toward the two things that bring her so much joy, she experiences doubt—doubt that was not there that person put it in her mind. What was a possible dream career, has now been downgraded to a hobby, because they convinced her in a moment that her dream was pointless, and a bad idea.

Leave children’s dreams alone and use better conversation starters. You can ask questions like:

• What’s your favorite animal?
• What do you love about preschool?
• Who’s your favorite teacher, and why?
• What do you love most about Mommy/Daddy?
• What’s your favorite thing that happened today?
• What do you love most about yourself?
• What’s your favorite book/toy/app/tv show?

Or, you can talk about yourself. You can tell them cool things you did when you were their age, or things you like about your job, or reasons why you love their parents. You can teach them how to do a magic trick or some fun facts. You can compliment them on their intelligence, cool hair, or awesome tee they’re wearing. There are so many things to talk about other than their dreams….

This is something I’m passion about because someone did it to me as a child (which is why I am just now embracing myself as an artist), and I witnessed the day it happened to my own child. I know so many people who had similar experiences and I want to preserve children’s dreams and sense of hope.

Children believe us. They think we are experts. Whether we are a random stranger, or the cousin that married into the family, they hold on to our words. And our words change who they become. Let’s take our impact seriously, and choose our words wisely. If you don’t intend to speak life into a child’s dreams, never ask them what they are. Don’t be a dream thief, when you have the opportunity to speak life.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist #Proud2BNaturalMe

Who am I NOT to?

I am a solution, not a problem.

I am different because I was meant to add something new.

I am here because our world was a short a Me.

I am needed… despite what they told me.

I am a blessing… despite how they treated me.

I have a purpose… even if I don’t see it clearly…..

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I can see what makes me smile.

I can see my gifts and skills.

I can see what comes easy.

I can see my natural tendencies.

I can see what lights me up—my passions and my interests.

I can see what I investigate… what I love to learn about.

I can see what I hate, what infuriates me, what I’d love to change….

I can see that there is more I’d love to do….

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…. and who am I not to?

Who am I to ignore what calls me—the secret gifts I am afraid to explore?

What if that one thing that keeps nagging me is exactly why I am here?

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Who am I to not try because I expect to fail?

Who am I to be ready but so afraid of their response that I never begin?

Who am I to refuse to become who I came here to be?

Who am I to deny the world the truest version of me?

Who am I to spend my life as anything less than who I am?

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Who am to decide it’s easier to be an imposter than deal with their criticism?

Who am I to let anyone keep me from being me?

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Lately, I’ve had this deep knowing that there is more for me—that it’s time to do something more. I know I am holding back, even if no one else knows. I know exactly what that thing is and have a pretty clear idea of what I need to do next. But I’m not doing it. I’m not making time for it. I am clear that I am here to do more than what I’ve done. Chances are, you feel this way, too.

Is there something within you that you know is yours to do—something you’ve been putting off?

What is holding you back? What thoughts come up when you think about moving forward? Ask yourself. Get a journal or make a note somewhere private, record a voice note in your phone and answer the questions. You deserve to be honest with yourself about what’s holding you from being more you.

What if our fears are not reasons to avoid next steps, but actually our mind’s way of getting us to consider all our next steps, and get prepared?

What if the next step isn’t to do the thing? What if the next step is to see the possibilities—to make the What if it works list?

What if the next step is to brainstorm solutions to our inner objections?

What if the next step is to list our fears, then go through them one-by-one, and get curious asking, “If this happens, then what could I do?”

What if we decide to work through whatever we have to work through in order to live more authentically?

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Here’s a powerful tip that I learned many years ago from one of my favorite books. It’s great book for taking next steps on your dreams called, Making Your Dreams Come True by Marcia Wieder. This my paraphrased and amended version of her activity, so grab her book to get the full steps….

What you’re going to do is list your concerns about moving forward on the thing that’s within you. Then, sort your concerns into groups. You can make one group for interfering beliefs and the other group for steps you need to plan.

For the items in the beliefs group, you can ask yourself questions like, “Is this ultimately true?” “Is this a rule that applies to everybody, or just me?” “Is this logical?” “Is it possible that I could be wrong about this?” “What if it works out better than I imagine?”

For the action steps group, you can simply take them one by one and ask, “What do I need to know/do in order to complete this?” “Is this one goal, or can I break it up into a few smaller goals?” “Where could I find support for this?” “Who can help me with this?” “Where could I find a tutorial online?” “What one step could I do right now to move forward on this?”

Once you have some action steps, list them in order. And then get started. Do one micro step, today. It could be to Google something. It could be to regain contact with someone you’ll need so your first convo isn’t you asking them do something. It could be envision the end result you desire and work backwards, listing the steps you took to get there. You can walk yourself back to where you are today, mentally. All forward motion is progress, big or small. Do a step, then, do another. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Just focus on the next step.

We get to be the truest version of ourselves. The version we are afraid to expose may be exactly who we’ve come here to be. Our truest self is likely the solution to a missing piece in our world.

We have the right to live more authentically… one step at a time.

Honestly, who are we not to?

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

I had the pleasure of clearing my junk tray, today! 😁 I’m not even being sarcastic. I love organizing, and taking time to relocate random items from the tiny tray to their own junk drawer was actually my idea of fun. 😆🤓

As I sorted the items, I remembered where they came from and why I had them in the first place. It began to feel more like a “found objects” tray, a memories tray, or better yet, an “I’m sure I’ll find a use for this one day” tray.

Honestly, there were so many needless, useless things, that I maintained some odd attachment to…. an ink-stained push pin, an old rechargeable battery, a scented oil roller with one last drop of Egyptian Musk. 😍

I attempted to clear things out, and at first I actually threw a few things away. I could have made it easy on myself. I could have simply dumped the whole tray into the much larger drawer, with one quick flip. Instead, one-by-one, I inspected each piece. I tried (in vain) to release each one to the trash, while simultaneously arguing for its potential use. So one by one, I moved items I no longer need, or have a current use for, from the tray to the…. drawer. 😆

Very few made it to trash. I couldn’t help negotiating for their release to the drawer. “I may need that for a craft one day.” “I may remember what that goes to.” “I’m gonna regret that I threw that out.”

After 10 minutes of making little progress, I thought, “I could just end this, and move on to doing something else, with one quick flip of my wrist.” But I just couldn’t do it. I knew some of that stuff was actually trash, and I didn’t want it in the new clean drawer, so I sat for a minute, frustrated.

That’s when an idea came to me. I wondered if there was possibly a deeper meaning—a lesson—that I could gain from that moment. That’s when the words of my mentor came back to me. She says this phrase that I totally hate (hopefully she’s still taking her social media hiatus and doesn’t read this, lol). “How you do anything, is how you do everything.” 🙄 As much as I despise this phrase—and don’t believe it applies to all things—it know it applies here.

Whenever I do inner work, to clear out old beliefs that no longer serve me, I usually start out motivated. I’m seeing that one no longer applies, recognizing another came from someone else, and tossing this one in my mental trash. But as I continue to work, some beliefs bypass the trash and remain, because they still feel valid.

A belief like, “I’m not doing enough,” gets to remain because I when I look at where I am versus where I want to be, I deduce that if I was doing more, I’d be there. A belief like, “I’m in it by myself,” still feels valid, because as a single mom, solopreneur, I am more often than not performing most scenes of my life as a “one-woman band.” A belief like, “It’s probably not gonna sell,” sticks around because of the many times I was certain a product was going to be my cash cow and it barely sold at all. Within me, I know that these beliefs don’t serve me in any positive way, but I’ve held on to them because…. honestly there’s a comfort there in not being so disappointed when things don’t go my way because I already expected it. I brace myself for the disappointment in advance….

I didn’t like the way that felt. I know better. I know that we get what we expect. And if I want to change what I’m getting, I’ve gotta toss expectations that don’t line up with what I want.

I looked over again at my junk drawer, and the full tray that now sat in it and for a second I thought about the work of clearing it, and nearly decided to put it off and try again another day.

Then, I thought about my mentor’s phrase. I realized that I was doing the same thing with the junk that I did with my beliefs. I was holding onto things that I don’t need, just because it felt easier than doing the work….

So you know what I did? I went right back to that junk drawer and removed the tray. I went one-by-one and decided that anything that had no value to me currently was going in the trash. I resolved that if down the road I needed something I tossed, I would just buy another one.

With each item I picked up, I said out loud “I don’t keep things I don’t need.” Repeating that mantra helped me really look at each item and decide in the moment if it was needed—and honestly, most of them were not. I tossed so many things in the trash…. bottle caps, pen tops, and old rusted paperclips, fake nails, q-tips… Why was I keeping those?

As I tossed item after item, I repeated my new mantra. “I don’t keep things I don’t need.” I thought about the beliefs that I’m ready to toss… beliefs that no longer have purpose…. beliefs that don’t align with my current truths…. beliefs that hold me back from having the mental space to create the life I truly desire. I realized that it’s time to let those go….

It’s amazing how the most simple activity can have a deeper meaning. I am so grateful that I sat with the clutter and decided to do the uncomfortable thing and clear what no longer serves me. Now, I have a drawer of random found objects, that I can actually use, AND there’s room for more equally usable found objects. 😁

And, I now have a new mantra that I get to use in every aspect of my life. “I don’t keep things I don’t need.”

Maybe there’s an area in your life where you are holding on to things, thoughts, people, or even places that are no longer serving you. It’s not that you’re supposed to gain from everyone around you, but there should be some benefit, some sense of fulfillment even if you are the giver in a situation. Suze Orman taught that true benevolence is a gift to the giver as well as the recipient. If it just feels like a drain, and you’re the faucet, maybe something needs to change (even if only in perception).

Periodically, it’s healthy to evaluate where we stand and take the time to clear the clutter. Feel free to use my new mantra, it really worked for me. “I don’t keep things I don’t need.”

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist #Proud2BNaturalMe❤️💜💙💚