A lot of people hold their parents’ opinions of life, how things work, and of themselves, as complete facts, without ever questioning them… especially opinions toward the negative.
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The reality is that giving birth, co-creating a child, conception, adoption, fostering—whatever you want to call it—does not automatically endow parents with knowledge and wisdom of all things… not even when it comes to their kids.
Parents are human. Parents get stuff wrong. Parents have opinions formulated by their consumption of other people’s opinions. Parents have perspectives skewed by what they’ve seen, heard, experienced, and imagined. Parents don’t automatically hold the keys to all things factual.
If my momma told me, “You’ll never amount to anything,” that’s not a fact. That’s her opinion. She hasn’t been to the future. How does she know? I could make choices that same day that completely shift the trajectory of my life. (My momma never said that to me, by the way, so don’t be calling my momma. I’m just making a point. )
Sometimes it’s not even what they said about us, it could be something that was a rule in their house, or a belief that they preached. I was watching a man in his upper 60s, struggling to finish his meal. It was clear that he was already full, but he was still forcing in those last forkfuls. Being me (always perceptive and occasionally slightly too honest ), I looked at him and said, “You know your momma’s not here? You don’t have to clean your plate. You’re grown.” (Lawd, help me. I was born this way. ) The look of initial surprise on his face, followed by a wave of relief, was priceless. He took a second, scooted his chair back, and went to scrape out that plate. He didn’t want that food. That moment freed him.
So much of what we do, and so much of what we think, has nothing to do with us! It’s from old stuff someone taught us, old standards we were conditioned to abide by, and old beliefs we were exposed to. Periodically, we have to check in with ourselves and ask questions like: “Is that a fact, or an opinion? If it’s an opinion, do I agree with it? Should I live my life based on this? What do I CHOOSE to believe about this?” And then we get to go on with our lives CHOOSING to be guided by aligned beliefs. We get to believe and evaluate things by what works for us.
There are some things we’ve thought or believed our whole lives that hurt or hinder us—things that someone else said or taught us. Consider that maybe what they thought was just their opinion, and not a fact. And if it’s an opinion, we can question it. Maybe you can be successful at that. Maybe you can be the exception to that rule. Maybe doing it your way works out just fine.
Another important thing to realize is that just because you can see evidence to support someone’s opinion, doesn’t automatically make it a fact. It’s possible that if you observe the same thing from a different perspective, or hear of another person’s experience, you’ll be able to formulate a completely opposite opinion. I mean, from the back, an elephant doesn’t even have a trunk….
Let’s begin to question our habits of thought, beliefs, and behaviors that work against us. Let’s recognize that negative opinions are, just that, opinions. We can let them go and CHOOSE to guide our lives by what we prefer to believe.
Want to know what’s holding you back? Do something that you’ve been scared to do, and see what comes up. 😱
This morning I decided to do something I’ve never done. I periodically (multiple times per week) receive songs intuitively throughout the day, or in my dreams. A few years ago, I downloaded an app to my phone that allows me to record and compose music. When these songs come to me, I just open the app, press record, and sing the melody or parts with my scratchy morning voice and send the file to my songwriting folder on Google Drive. Today, I decided to do something different.
After I recorded the vocals, and my random instructions to myself, I tapped the share link in the app. And this time, I thought, “I should just share it to SoundCloud.” I sat there for a while with my finger over the SoundCloud icon debating it, then I tapped the logo. 😬
Luckily, it didn’t immediately share the file. I had to complete a short form before submitting. First, I named the file. That wasn’t too hard. (The title of the song is “I Can Be More Than This.”) Then it asked for a description. I was very honest (just in case I had the nerve to actually post it). I shared that it was just rough vocals of a melody, and the parts, and I even noted that there may be some ramblings of random instructions.
Then, my eyes skipped downward and saw the option to share it publicly, and it was set to public by default. 😳
That’s when I started to panic, wondering “What was I thinking? I can’t share this publicly. It’s not even composed. I have my random notes in it. There isn’t any music. No one does this. The end isn’t in rhythm because I was still thinking it through. I CANNOT post this publicly.”
I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. My inner panicking was premature. I wasn’t actually at that option yet. My next step was to choose what genre my song fits in. After scrolling the list twice… well, three times… I couldn’t find one that fit. Immediately that same inner catfish started talking. “See. It doesn’t even fit in a genre. Don’t post it. There isn’t even an inspirational option. No gospel either. Is this even gospel? Do you even know what genre this is? Just wait. You can post it later… privately… after you fix it.”
That’s when I realized, if I didn’t post it publicly right then, I was never gonna post it. The opportunity to do the same thing I always do was right in front of me, and I needed to make a choice. If I chose to share it privately, I was just going to keep it in my account forever and never go back and listen to it. I’ve done that so many times. At this point I likely have at least 100 songs in my Google Drive. But, I want to be a songwriter. I want people to hear my music. I want to make progress. So, you know what? I chose to do something different.
I ignored that voice that was rapid fire spewing excuses. I chose a random genre, quickly scrolled and found that share button. AND I HIT SHARE! 🎉
I didn’t even allow myself to overthink it. I got up to prepare my daughter’s breakfast and made her lunch for school. Luckily #ADHD kicked in, since I was so focused on other things, and I actually forgot I posted the song.😆 I heard an odd notification on my phone, but ignored it and kept working. (I assumed it was just CashApp telling me I needed to add funds to my account…. again. 🙄) I got her food packed, grabbed my phone and saw I had two notifications from SoundCloud! 😳
I glossed over the first one that said someone liked my track. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful. It was that I immediately saw the word “COMMENTED” in the second notification. 😱
Instantly, the flood of insecurities came rushing back in. “Why did they comment? Was it positive? Oh gawd was it a critique?! What if they hurt my feelings? What if they said the exact same things I knew I should’ve fixed? Why did I lose the rhythm on that last bar? I shouldn’t have posted it. What was I thinking? Wait…. What if it was good? What if they liked it? What if more people like it and it goes viral? Oh gawd, if it goes viral everyone will hear my random comments. What if they’re the only one who likes it? Oh gawd. What if I don’t get any more notifications? What if there are more comments? Why isn’t my phone making any noise? How do I turn these notifications off?! This is why I don’t do things like this.”
And that’s when I realized why I’ve been stuck all these years. I’ve been “trying to be a songwriter” for over a decade. I even followed inspiration, and went up to my pastor (Charles Jenkins), after service and told him that I’ve been songwriting and wasn’t sure why God was making me tell him.🙄He was so gracious and kind, and told me to simply put something on CD and let him hear it. 🥰 Being a perfectionist (someone who delays progress to avoid criticism, or at least that’s my definition) I figured all I had to do was learn how to play an instrument, purchase and learn Cubase, go to school for music production, or make a lot of money and pay someone to compose my music so I could get that to him. Simple, right? 😆 Yeah. I still haven’t gotten that CD to him… over 10 years later.
Anywho, as all those thoughts came rushing in, I realized that’s what’s been keeping me stuck. The reason I’m not songwriting is NOT because I don’t understand the software. It’s not because I still haven’t learned to play the piano in rhythm. It is simply that when I go to create I’m bringing all these “not enough” thoughts with me. I don’t believe I can succeed at it if anyone can find fault with it. I think that imperfections mean I’ll be boxed out. My inner voice is constantly criticizing me BEFORE I even get started. It has convinced me that all my efforts won’t be enough. That’s why I’m stuck and that’s probably why you’re stuck, too.
So here’s my recommendation, if you want it. If you want to dramatically move forward on that thing you were created to do—that thing that you know will be awesome and bring love and light to our world (or just yours)—take a step toward it. Then, see what objections come up.
Expose the critical voice in your mind. What is it saying to you? Why does it believe you can’t have it, be it, do it? Once you know the arguments, you can dismantle them and begin to make progress. That’s exactly what I plan to do.
I’m going to explain this further in my upcoming book, You’re Being Catfished: 7 Strategies for Overcoming Your Inner Critic. But for now, start thinking about a reasonable, scary-ish step forward… one that’s uncomfortable, but won’t ruin you. Take a step. See what comes up. Write down the criticism and reasons to retreat. Work through them in your journal, or with a friend, therapist, or mentor who empowers you.
We can do this. We can courageously step into our fears.
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!
Have you ever read a post that brightened your day and was exactly what you needed to hear in that moment? What did you do with it? Did you share it, or did you read it, like it, and go on with your life?
I’m the type of person that when something blesses me, I want it to bless other people. Most of my blogs are epiphanies I had in the moment and eagerly shared with you minutes later. I am a river. I am not a swamp. I’d rather be a fruit tree than a flower (if that analogy works better for you).
It’s fine to gain a little boost for your day, but what if someone else in your friend’s list needed that same boost? What if someone in your FB group, or even a friend or family member that is not on social media needed that same message?
I am going to share when I get a “word.” That’s just me. AND if you read my posts and gain from them, I want you to know, I DID NOT JUST WRITE THAT FOR YOU. I wrote it for you AND the next person. If you read it, enjoy it, get your boost from it, and then don’t share it, it dies with you. I don’t want that.
I write my posts because it is my mission. I.U.S.E. the world—Inspire Uplift Support and Empower. I want to inspire, uplift, support, and empower you AND the next person. So please, if my posts encourage you or give you a boost, help me with my mission to reach others and just hit Share. You don’t have to give a commentary on it. You don’t have to defend it. You don’t have to explain why it resonates with you. I just ask that you share it.
Thank you so much for helping me fulfil my purpose.
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!
“I give myself permission to be more, do more, have more and say more.” — Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
This week, I answered the call to be an artist. For most of my life, I have been aware of my artistic abilities, but I did not view myself as an artist… well, at least not anymore.
Many of us carry around wounds from a moment in time when someone expressed their opinion about who we are, what we do well, and our potential for greatness. A few words from another can destroy dreams and erase confidence. I carried a wound like that for decades. I would refer to myself as a “designer,” but rarely ever as an artist.
This year, I decided to to live more authentically and stop hiding my talents. I, now, unapologetically share my gifts. I believe this shift has caused doors of opportunity to open for me. Without any real effort of my own, I began to receive requests to display my talents.
The funny thing is that I did not suddenly feel qualified or ready. I just decided that it is my intention to share my gifts so whether I feel ready, or not, I give myself permission to say, “Yes,” anyway.
….This morning I completed my piece for an upcoming art exhibit. It’s crazy how you can deny a part of you for so long, but the second you accept it, the opportunities beyond your wildest dreams flood in toward you, even though you might not feel ready.
Maybe someone in your life told you who you are not, and what you could never be. Maybe they told you what you weren’t good at and what you shouldn’t even consider. It’s time, today, to decide for yourself. You can continue to allow someone’s OPINION to keep you from who you are, OR you can decide today that you get to live a life that is aligned with your truth. (I’ll give you a hint. Their words wouldn’t have hurt, if they were aligned with your truth.) Your truth matters more than anyone’s opinion. Get back to believing in yourself. Release their opinion and give yourself permission to return to the truth of who you are.
Give yourself permission to be more, do more, and say more than you’ve allowed. You only get one life. Live it authentically. I’m not only saying this to you, I’m saying it to myself, too.
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
#Proud2BNaturalMe❤️💜💙💚
*This is a repost of a blog I wrote in 2020. Still very relevant today. The image is new and some wording has been updated. Blessings!
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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!
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), I looked at him and said, “You know your momma’s not here? You don’t have to clean your plate. You’re grown.”
(Lawd, help me. I was born this way. 
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