You ever met a liar that’s so good they could convince you that you aren’t you?

That happened to me—well, it’s been happening. This chick is so good that she even sounds like me. She had me confused so many times. I heard her voice and knew she was me.

To be totally honest, I’m not even sure how many years—well, decades—I’ve been catfished.

But don’t worry. Lately, she’s been getting sloppy. Her phrases are becoming repetitive. She’s developing a pattern. I can almost predict what she’ll do next. I know what she’ll say, and even when she’ll show up.

I am developing a portrait of my inner critic. Like a sketch artist with a little more information, I’m filling in the details. Soon she won’t be able to fool me anymore.

I’ve heard that there are others out there, so I want you to be aware. Let me tell you a little bit about her….

She continuously diverts my attention away from inspired ideas by offering distractions, convincing me of reasons they’re not good ideas, and by bombarding me with negative what if’s. She loves to bring up past instances when I failed at whatever I’m about to attempt. And the thing that really got my attention was when I noticed her repeating the same phrases, no matter what I was attempting.

Some of her main phrases are:

• “That’s not gonna work.”
• “It’s gonna take too long.”
• “You’re behind.”
• “No one’s gonna want/pay you for that.”
• “How are you gonna pay for that?”
• “You should do that over.”
• “You should _______ instead.”

Now, chances are that you’ve been catfished, too—not by my inner critic, but by your own. And it’s tempting to be really angry.

What I’ve realized recently is that my inner critic is actually my misguided bodyguard. She showed up to serve me…. to protect me. From childhood ’til now, she has kept a record of every moment that has made me feel sad, embarrassed, or unsafe. She has noted every moment of grief, guilt, and shame. She has made it her priority to remember what I was doing each time I experienced those emotions. Then, she uses this data to protect me from experiencing those emotions again.

When she sees I’m about to do something that resembles those past moments of pain, she shows up with stories, fake tasks, and even cravings to deter me from participating. She does everything she can, and will even lie, to protect me.

I believe you might have a catfish, too, and they’ve likely done the same thing to you.

The only problem is that these catfi…, I mean, misguided body guards… haven’t evolved. Many of them arrived in childhood, so they still have childlike beliefs about why things happened. So they are attempting to protect us from things that might not even bring us pain. If you had your tonsils removed as a kid, and all you got to eat was ice cream, maybe in adulthood you hate cold treats and don’t even know why. If you and your dad were besties and then he left, you might be hesitant to allow yourself to love that deeply again. If you put your heart and soul into a school project, but your teacher tore it apart in front of the entire class, you may have decided that day to only do mediocre work, or that being in the front of the room is not safe.

Our inner body guards are well-meaning, but misguided. They refuse to let us experience those hurts again, so they take on our identity. They speak within us to warn us of “certain” danger. They repeat the lessons others taught us about how the world works, what’s unsafe, who to trust, what’s too big for us. They repeat those phrases and stories, and get in our way as we attempt to evolve. Until we become aware of them, and take control of our thoughts, they can run our whole lives and keep us from so many great things.

I challenge you to begin to notice the patterns of when your inner body guard shows up. Notice the thoughts that cross your mind when you decide you’re ready to embark on something new, something expansive, something that feels like a great next step. Pay attention to moments when your excited energy shifts. What thought crossed your mind? Become aware of what’s going on within you.

Start to write down your objections to evolving. Eventually, you will begin to notice a pattern. You’ll begin to see cycles of doing other than what you want to do. Keep noticing. Eventually, you may realize that your thoughts are actually the voice of your catfish.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist #Proud2BNaturalMe❤️💜💙💚

It can be very painful to experience the same hurts repeatedly. This is why I am so committed to personal development.

The unfortunate reality is that we’ve been taught some things that aren’t healthy, that don’t serve us, and that cause us distress. Many patterns in regard to relationships, money, our health, and even the ways we view ourselves have come from beliefs we learned from others.

I remember Louise Hay once said that babies love themselves unconditionally, they’re never thinking, “Goodness, look at my thighs.”  However, we over time pick up on beliefs from those in our environment, and from what we see, hear, and read. Overhearing others’ experiences, watching television, the news, and learning from how other’s experience us, all informs our beliefs and expectations.

A lot of our beliefs and expectations were dumped on us, or spoon fed to us. We may not even be aware of the beliefs we hold about certain things because we’ve never thought about it. We are attracting, and repelling, our desires based on our inner beliefs and expectations. Unfortunately, that means that our desires are often not in alignment with what we believe.

Lately, I have been taking inventory of my beliefs, because, honestly, I am tired of not having what I want. I realize that I need to be certain that my beliefs about what’s possible for me, and what I actually expect will happen for me line up. There’s a difference between what’s possible and what’s probable. It’s important that we feel solidly in our favor with both.

To this end, I am working through a ton of beliefs that have created patterns in my life that I don’t want to continue. I am ready for a new experience of life so I have to be willing to do the inner work to shift what I’m attracting. I am beyond the “I believe this because this happened to me,” phase. That is just a first step. Even though I didn’t actively install all this beliefs software, it’s still my responsibility to uninstall it. Yours, too. 

So if you missed my point….

Healing our hurts, beliefs, and expectations is a HUGE part of attracting differently. In order to be in alignment with what we desire, we need to clear out beliefs that don’t serve us, AND develop new beliefs that do. We also need to ensure that our expectations match what we want. We need to imagine ourselves experiencing what we desire, and shift any beliefs within us that make that hard.

So, how do you even do that?

If we keep noticing an unwanted pattern, we have to take a minute to sit with ourselves and ask some REAL questions about the subjects that cause us the most distress. Questions like:
– “What do I believe about relationships, money, my health, etc.?”
– “What do I believe is possible for me in regard to having _______?”
– “Why don’t I trust ________?”
– “Why do I believe they can be/do/have ________, but I can’t?”
– “What did my family/environment/television teach me about _________?”
– “How does this belief show up in my life?”

We have to take the time to see what our beliefs have created, and attracted, in our lives. Then, we get to decide if we want that to continue. If we don’t, we can begin to tear down that belief. One simple question for doing this is, “But is that always true?” If we can find one instance that it’s not true, that’s enough for us to begin to question if this belief should be a rule, or used on a case-by-case basis, or thrown out all together.

And, if we’re really honest with ourselves, most of our beliefs came from opinions. That means they are made up. You may think you’re “fat,” but in another country/culture, people see you as “too thin.” You may feel you’re “broke” because you can’t afford the newest iPhone, but to a person who doesn’t have clean running water, you’re rich. It’s all relative. It’s all opinion. It’s all made up.

And since it’s all made up, anyway, we might as well make up new beliefs… ones that actually serve us. We can take our answers to those questions above and rewrite them into beliefs that serve us. We can shift. We can make new rules. We can create new beliefs. We can choose from now on to believe whatever serves us. I mean, we’ve believed plenty of lies about ourselves, why can’t we make up some new truths?

I’m rewriting my beliefs. I’m committed to attracting differently. Are you?

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
#Proud2BNaturalMe

Today, I was challenged to look at those who are already doing what I want to do. Although I coach people for free all the time, and have been the counselor friend my whole life, I don’t yet offer coaching as one of my business services. I’ve been working through limiting beliefs around that, and today, as I looked at all the amazing coaches I know, I realized something really cool.

I am probably directly connected to over 20 life coaches on Facebook. I’m in their groups, we’re friends, I learn from them (and hopefully they learn from me, lol). As I looked at them today, I realized that even though they are all amazing—and share the desire to help others grow in the ways they have—they are all unique.

Many of them teach similar concepts, but their delivery is different. Their stories are not the same. Their experiences are not the same. The way they present their material is not the same. It’s so amazing to witness….

So often we hold ourselves back from pursuing a dream or goal because we think the market is too saturated. But, when you go to the grocery store and walk down the cereal aisle, snack aisle, or the coffee/tea aisle, how many different brands are there? Do you just close your eyes and grab whichever one, because ultimately they’re all the same? Probably not. They are unique. Each has a different flavor.

We are equally unique. We have our own flavor. Just because “everybody’s writing a book nowadays” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write yours. Just because “everybody wants to have a podcast” doesn’t mean yours won’t reach specific people who will only respond to you. Just because “everybody thinks they’re a motivational speaker” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get on stage, or do your lives, or hop on Zoom, when something within you is calling you to do it.

We’ve got to turn down the volume on the noise that talks us out of what we know wants to come through us. We need to turn up the volume on that voice that’s telling us we have something to offer.

I chose to turn up the volume and write I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! and create my products because it was part of my calling. And even when another author came out with a book that almost stole my title and literally took the words from my description and used them for her own, I still didn’t stop believing that my audience is my audience and nothing changes that.

My next step is to start believing the same about me as a coach. I’m doing the work to eliminate the limiting beliefs that I hold around stepping into that space. I need to turn up the volume on knowing I can help people. I need to turn down the volume on all the what if’s.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe there’s something you’ve been putting off doing. Whatever that thing is that you think you can’t do because there are too many others doing it (or whatever other reason is talking you out of it), take the time to turn down that noise and go inside and listen to the voice that is telling you that you have something to offer—that it’s yours to do. Maybe there’s someone specific, or even a group of someones, that only you can reach.

Think about it.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist #Proud2BNaturalMe❤️💜💙💚

Our dreams and goals belong to us. It’s important to recognize, on the journey we’ll be offered opportunities to show ourselves that we are committed….

I decided at the end of last year to be more committed to our wellness. I decided to stop buying certain go-to snacks and sweets so that they weren’t easily accessible when cravings occurred. I went the extra distance to express to the members of my household not to offer those items because they work against my intentions and it’ll be hard to say, “No.”

So I was initially perturbed when this person offered a tasty, high calorie treat in front of my child. The old me—as in, the last week version of me—would have been silently annoyed, possibly expressed a fraction of my displeasure, then conceded, saying something like, “Fine. We’ll start again next week.” Not, today.

I kindly (picture Claire Huxtable) reminded this individual of the request I made less than 10 days ago, for them to not offer sweets as they work against our wellness goals. I resisted the urge to feel guilty for declining their offer, and insisted that they put it back where they found it.

After the interaction, I was pissed. It kept playing over in my mind. I found myself questioning why they would work against me, and why they couldn’t support my intentions for our betterment. Then, I thought about my post yesterday. “When we let go of the disappointment of people not being who we designed them to be in our minds, we can appreciate them for who they are.” I realized that they weren’t attempting to sabotage my wellness plans, they were just being themselves. In their mind, the offer was kind. They found something they thought we’d like and in the past that would bring us joy. I realized that I didn’t have anything to be mad about. Actually, they gave me an opportunity to practice my commitment.

For some reason I can never remember which spiritual leader I heard say this. I feel like they were a well-known Buddhist monk. I just remember (and I’ve told this story before) that when they were asked if they ever get angry, they laughed and said something like, “Of course.” The only difference for them is that they are committed to returning to that place of peace, so they choose to say, “Thank you for the opportunity to practice.”

It’s such a beautiful thing to realize in any given moment, we can regain control of how we respond. We can shift our perspective, on any situation—when we are ready to feel differently. We can stay true to our intentions, look at all forms of contrast, and say, “Thank you for the opportunity to practice.”

Try it. It really works.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist#Proud2BNaturalMe