Having technical difficulties. No podcast episode, today. Check out today’s blog, below.
A dear friend reached out to me on IG. He sent me a post with the caption, “If you could tell your younger self anything, what would it be? And what age?”
Sidebar…. Periodically, I find my blog and podcast are a bit of a dance around how much do I want to tell people and how much do I need to tell people? I share very openly on both, but I do have boundaries around how and what I share. I periodically overshare and go back through and remove parts during the editing process.
I feel that my blog and podcast offer an opportunity for me to share my truths in a way that is supportive of others finding their truths. When I overshare, I feel it takes away from your experience of being able to see yourself in the story and find what’s yours. I don’t want to share too much and then have you be so distracted by what I shared that you can’t continue through the text or recording to gain what’s for you. So I often share stories that are light. And for my goal of being uplifting, I try not to tell stories that will send you into therapy. lol
So as I contemplate sharing my full response, I wonder how my words may send you into a bit of wondering and curiosity, but I’m gonna take that risk and share my full response to my friend. I encourage you to read mine, and then (ignore the urge to question what things mean and) think for yourself about your own answer.
I found this tremendously healing. These words are not only support of my inner child, but of the grown woman I am now.
So here’s my answer:
“I would be around 7 and I’d tell her “You only need them for food and safety. You’re amazing. Don’t believe that you’re not because of how they treat you. They don’t know how to appreciate you, your work, or your efforts. If you love it, and know you did your best, that’s all you need. Never trust anything your cousin says. She’s not your friend. And it’s okay to enjoy your own company. Never change. You’re amazing as you are. Look for the people who see you and appreciate you as you are. Don’t chase anyone for their attention. The ones who matter will come to you.”
The really cool thing about what came up for me is that I realize that my response to my former self can apply today. It’s important to recognize how much power we have within ourselves—that we don’t truly need people as much as we think. So many of the poor decisions I’ve made in life have been due to believing I needed people more than I did. Not wanting to disappoint them, offend them, upset them, embarrass them, etc. caused me to deny the truths I was fairly certain of to avoid conflict. In retrospect, most of those moments were opportunities for me to step into my power and out from under someone else’s control… or just to exit from their company. But I believed I needed them.
I feared being alone more than anything. But life has taught me there are many things far worse than being alone. Feeling alone in the company of others is a far worse form of loneliness. Feeling trapped and unable to leave a situation you never really wanted is another one that’s far worse than being alone. Losing your sense of identity as you carve off aspects of yourself to be more palatable for another is also far worse.
Doing this exercise also helped me to see how trusting other people’s opinions of me made me go quickly from loving myself and inviting others to join me in that love, to developing a deep self-loathing, as I could never be _____ enough for them to be pleased with me…. And now I am slowly adding back to myself all my discarded pieces and gradually re-loving myself….
So now, I ask you,
“If you could go back in time to give advice to your younger self, what would you say, and what age would you visit?”
If you’d like, you can share your answer in the comments section. But ultimately this is for you. It can be very healing, or lead you toward some deeper healing. If it causes you to find yourself face to face with some truths that require support, please seek that support.
There are so many therapy options, some that are quite affordable if you need that. I did a podcast about therapy that answers a lot of FAQs. Please check that out if you need it.
Here’s the link on my SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/marlenedillon/day-19-no-shame-in-therapy-letstryjuly-w-marlene-dillon-empowerment-specialist
Or tap “podcast about therapy” in the sentence above to visit my Podcast page and find it in the list of my favorite podcasts. You can listen there.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
MDillon Designs & Publishing 