Everybody who comes in your life isn’t meant to stay in your life forever. Let’s just start there.
I think it’s awesome that some people have 30, 40, 50, and even 60 year friendships. That’s amazing. I have some friendships now that I know I will likely still have on my deathbed.
There are just some people that you don’t have to worry about. AND there are others who constantly worry you. They are draining, they don’t get you, they make life harder, and they don’t seem to have anything in common with you but the years and memories you’ve shared.
These are the relationships I want to talk about, today.
I plan to explain it more on the podcast, but it’s important to recognize the difference between aligned relationships and ones that are out of alignment. The latter can be toxic to your life, your energy, your spirit, your present, and your future….
My family gives me a hard time about how I just drop friendships. That’s their perception because I don’t actually just go around kicking people to the curb for no reason. They assume I do it all “willy nilly” but the truth is, I give people a lot of time and opportunities before I actually cut them off.
I have absolutely let quite a few people go. But before I choose to release them, I sit and observe their behavior for a while. I show up normally and observe how they respond. I pay attention to that thing I noticed to see if it was a fluke or if it’s a regular behavior. Is need be, I address it to them and see how they respond.
And to be clear, I don’t go around testing people. I’m actually testing my perception of people. When I notice a nonnegotiable is being crossed, I start to pay attention. I don’t rush in accusing a person of doing anything. And I don’t set up traps. 😂 I just go on being my normal self with them and pay attention to how they are being with me….
There are certain things that just don’t work for me. And I’m not talking about a person chewing with their mouth open, or leaving the toilet seat up. I’m talking about things like if I realize that you don’t really like me. Constant criticism, nitpicking, always joking about certain aspects of my personality like every single time we’re around each other… I’ll start off by just observing. I want to be sure that my hunch is correct. And if it is, you got to go.
This one is a little harder because by being neurodivergent, it takes me a “minute” to catch on to the social cues that indicate a person isn’t really feeling me. (FYI a minute where I come from is kinda like how “bad” means good in the MJ song. So a minute is actually a long time. Okay… as we were…. ) I’m starting to pay attention more to word choice and body language and other cues to help me see what’s going on. The fact that I am even beginning to observe is an indication that things probably aren’t right. But it’s necessary because I don’t want people around me who don’t really like me. That’s just weird.
Another thing I don’t have energy for in this season of life is toxic personalities. If you spend most of their time talking negatively about people, I’m not for you. If you gossip on a regular basis, I’m not your person. If you are cruel to others, due to a sense of superiority or simply for your entertainment, we are not aligned. If you are rude to wait staff and people in service positions, if you can afford it, but don’t leave proper gratuity at restaurants, if you are just mean spirited and someone I have to constantly remind to be a good human, I don’t want you around me.
We’re about love over here. We’re about uplifting people over here. We’re about empowerment over here. People who are unkind, and tear others down, do not belong in my world.
And one more….continuously asking for my advice and acting as if it’s really being taken into account. Having me give up my most precious commodity—my time—only for you to do the exact opposite of what we agreed on. And then you come back asking me for advice, again. Dafuq? Yeah, no. I don’t have room for “askholes” You only get to do that once before the observation begins. 🤣 Sorry, others messed that up for you. lol I used to go through that over and over with people… days, months, and years of the same conversations, but not any more. My time is my oxygen. People who waste my time and energy don’t get to remain in my life.
I think that people hold on to people too long for the wrong reasons. I used to do it, but I want more peace in my life.
I don’t just pick people to the curb without making sure they belong here. I honestly hold on to relationships longer than I should. I just want to make sure I’m right, because once you’re off my bus, you’re likely never gonna be allowed back on.
It’s essential that we protect our energy and our time. When we’re in relationships that aren’t aligned, they impact where we go and what we do. They impact our time, focus, and energy. They can poison our decisions and intentions.
And I get why we want to hold on to people. I’ve just done it enough times to know that holding onto people, when all we have in common are years and shared memories, is sooo unnecessarily draining.
If we’re always in conflict, if we’re not the same kind of people, if the values that matter aren’t aligned…. let’s bless the years shared and let them go.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Listen to today’s podcast episode! (below or above)
Day 16 “Bless Them & Let Them Go” #LIVINGMYTRUTH Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
On my Share & Let’s Live! podcast, I share tips and tools that are transforming my life and mindset every single day. If you appreciate this FREE daily podcast (and are able), please consider sending me a $5 tip via Buymeacoffee. It’s a great way to support without breaking the bank. (No pressure, of course. If you’re unable, please know I understand.)
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