In our society, it’s often viewed as irresponsible, petty, and immature to place blame outside of ourselves. Today, I acknowledged that blame is an important step toward inner healing.
A lot of people feel it’s necessary to have a conversation with a person who has wronged them and hear the individual admit to, and apology for, their wrongs. I personally don’t feel this is necessary (although it can be helpful and affirming).
When I say that blame can be an important step, I mean that acknowledging where the problem started is important. Telling the person who did it that they are wrong and blah blah blah is not as important. We don’t have to ever tell them AND I believe it’s necessary that we tell ourselves.
Far too often those who have been hurt continue to hurt themselves by placing the blame on their own shoulders. “If I had been smarter….” “If I wasn’t at that place at that time….” “If I had just listened more and followed directions, they wouldn’t have….” We have an endless flow of what ifs that place the blame on us, when in many situations, those details do not change the fact that someone did something toward us that they shouldn’t have.
People who have been victimized, abused, or otherwise mistreated, tend to be self-critical. On today’s episode of Share and Let’s Live! I talk about how this practice hinders healing.
If someone threw me in a pit and is now looking down on me telling me I’m a loser for being in a pit, I shouldn’t be joining in with them thinking, “They’re right. Look at me in this pit. I’m a loser.” That doesn’t even make sense. But an adult that struggles with insecurities due to what they don’t have, or have yet to become, will wallow in that state feeling bad about themselves without ever thinking, “I wonder where my self-esteem issues started.”
If they took the time to ponder this, they may come to realize that the reason they aren’t ahead of the game is because they had an extremely critical and verbally abusive adult in their home environment that tore down their confidence. That same critical adult still criticizes them to this day. So the same person who caused their issues, is looking down on them complaining about their issues.
It’s in acknowledging the absurdity of this—and in naming the real cause—that they are able to truly begin to move forward. It’s really hard to pull yourself up when you’re weighed down by self-criticism and #blame.
Check out today’s podcast.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Check out today’s podcast!
Day 22 “Blame Can Be Useful” #IMAYBE Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
On my Share & Let’s Live! podcast, I share tips and tools that are transforming my life and mindset every single day. If you appreciate this FREE daily podcast (and are able), please send me a $5 matcha or purchase a membership to support. (If you’re unable, please know I understand.) Thank you so much for being here!
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