So I was doing some journaling and I discovered something that may help you, or someone you know, overcome bitterness, resentment, and confusion from a past relationship.
Sometimes even though we’ve moved on, it can still be hard to fully overcome a past relationship, when we have unresolved questions.
I haven’t been in a relationship in a minute, so it was unexpected when I was led to do some deep journaling yesterday about a relationship from my past. The last sentence of my journal entry was so healing, I had to share it…..
“I didn’t hear him… because his lies were so believable that I couldn’t hear his truth.” (The full line will be in my memoir. It’s . But this excerpt will be enough to make my point.)
Okay, so what I discovered, yesterday, is that a lot of us have not fully healed from: things someone did to us, past breakups, or friendships that ended dramatically, because the end didn’t make sense based on what we believed to be true.
Yesterday, I heard something random that caused me to rethink one of my past relationships. For the first time ever, I evaluated the events of that relationship based on the truth and not the lies….
Sometimes in relationships, people tell us what we want to hear. (Sometimes we do it, too.) In an awkward moment, a choice is made to not be honest.
Something within us told us that things were off, and we may have actually confronted the person, but they told us what they thought would keep the peace. Sometimes it was to straight up deceive us, and other times maybe they were caught off guard and hadn’t quite figured out what they wanted or how to articulate it.
Those little moments of deception, caused us to ignore our instincts, and to think, “Oh, okay. I guess I was just tripping. Everything’s fine.” So we discard those moments of intuition.
So here’s my moment of clarity… here’s where it switched for me….
A memory was triggered that caused me to remember the facts of what occurred in a past relationship. Instead of thinking about all they told me, I just evaluated the facts the same way I would if a girlfriend was telling me her story. I took myself out of it, and looked at what I really saw and heard, and looked at it clearly. And you know what I found? I found the truth. And, I found compassion.
I actually saw the other person’s point of view. When I looked at it without their lies, without their moments of telling me what I wanted to to hear. I realized that they were out the door L O N G before the relationship ended, but I didn’t notice because they kept telling me that what I saw was not what I saw, and I believed them.
I looked back on other relationships—friendships included—that ended abruptly, or in unexpected misunderstandings. When I took away all the fillers, all the “No, I’m just tired,” the “It’s just been a tough day at work,” the “You know you’re my girl,” type responses that made me think things were okay, I realized those relationships were heading toward completion long before we said our final goodbyes.
….Now, I’m not sharing this to say, if things feel off, you should end your relationships and friendships, now. That is NOT the takeaway from this.
What I am saying is that if you have a past relationship that ended in a way that still stings, it’s possible that you may find some healing by seeing things clearly.
When I looked at that situation through the truth, I was able to empathize with the person. I could see how uncomfortable it must’ve been to be done but not want to hurt the other person. Whether they were right or wrong for handling things as they did, is not important in this moment. It just felt good to understand. It felt good to see things clearly….
Do with this what (positive) you will.