Who we are in relationships says a lot about who the other person is, but even more about what we believe.
If you shrink into a lesser version of yourself, it could mean that they are domineering, but it could also mean that you don’t feel confident and safe to stand in your power.
If you are overbearing, loud, and controlling, it could mean that they don’t take the initiative, but it could also mean that you hold deep fear around not being in control.
If you are clingy and barely give them room to breathe, it could mean that they aren’t affectionate enough or reassuring, but it could also mean that you carry deep insecurities and abandonment issues.
Oftentimes, we think the issues in our relationship are about them, when the core of why we attracted them speaks volumes of our need for inner healing.
Moving into a new relationship is great and grand, if you are unhappy (and the new situation is healthy), but it’s important to take the time to heal, because you bring YOU with you. You don’t want the same relationship with just a different name. It’s important to take time to heal, and see yourself, before coupling with someone new.
There is an associated podcast episode for this blog. To listen, tap the button below.
Today, I gave myself a gift.
I was always raised to take the high road, to be nice to people who mistreat me, to turn the other cheek. For most of my life, I’ve been a doormat, I let people treat me any kind of way and then just let them be. If our paths crossed, I’d still be polite, because “that’s the right thing to do.” I’d take all their attacks, abuse, the slander, and still greet them politely.
Today, I nearly did the same. I saw them and that part of my upbringing that echoes in my mind was getting louder and louder. “You have to speak. At least wave. It doesn’t look good. It’s rude. That’s not the way you were raised.” I nearly gave in to that voice. Then, I closed grabbed my purse, closed my car door, and … turned the other cheek. I walked right up my stairs, unlocked my door, walked in and closed it behind me.
And yes… I’m still wearing those leggings from earlier…. but it’s dark out so they might not have noticed that I really turned the other cheek.
Sometimes the most empowering thing we can do for ourselves is to stop acting like we’re cool with people who treat us like sh*t. I’ve decided to stop going out of my way to be nice to them. I will not mistreat them. AND I will no longer behave inauthentically. (You don’t like me. I don’t like you either. Let’s drop the pretenses.)
This year has been a voyage into all things authenticity for me. I am grateful that I had this opportunity to show up differently and turn my back on those who are not for me.
It felt good. It felt right. And I’m glad I listened to my truth and kept walking. Maybe this is helpful to you. Maybe you’re going out of your way to look unbothered to someone who could really care less. No matter what you do/don’t do, they still don’t like you, so maybe it’s time to care a little less. Let them think what they want. They’re going to anyway….
Do what empowers you. If it feels good to show up dressed to the nines so they can see you’re doing just fine, do that. And if it feels good to show up in sweats and Crocs to pick up the kids from your ex (because you just don’t care enough about their opinion to go out your way), do that. For me, turning my back and walking away rather than doing a polite smirk and wave felt like a mic drop and standing ovation, so I did that.
You do you. I gladly did me, today, and I hope my story empowers you.
BTW…. if you’re wondering about the leggings…. check out today’s #podcast. The title is, “Vicky’s Secret is Out.” You can listen to it here….
Day 4 “It’s Nice to Be Nice” #THANKYOUNOV Podcast Series Share & Let’s Live! w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Today, I had multiple opportunities to be kind and helpful. And I took every single opportunity. It felt good to be helpful, but most importantly, I was thinking about the other person and offered, not to make myself feel good, but because they looked like they needed the help and I wanted to support.
So often in our society people are nervous to offer help. People are afraid to be rejected or to offend somebody. I get that. AND I’m still offering. I will offer if it seems the person is having a hard time, and I’ll phrase it in a way that I believe is purely kind. I don’t make the assumption that a person can’t do it themselves. I just offer to help. “Can I help you with that?” It’s really that simple. They can always say, “No,” or “I’ve got it.” “Would you like me to get that for you?” Most times I receive one of two responses, “No. That’s okay. Thank you. I’ve got it,” or just a look of relief combined with, “You’d really do that for me?”
Many people in our society are jaded from personal experiences, and probably more from what they’ve heard other people say. Well, when I have an opportunity to be kind, and I’m in a place to do so (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.), I’ll offer. And if they don’t want/need my help, that’s fine. But what if they really do? What if I was there at that time because they needed someone kind to support them? What if they were just thinking or praying for some kind soul to come by and offer to help, but I didn’t offer because of some story I made up in my head?
I’m gonna choose kindness. I hope you’ll also choose kindness. Check out today’s podcast where I share the actual story of what happened today.
Remember to choose kindness.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
If you’d like to listen to the podcast episode associated with this blog post, please use the button below to listen.
“Moving On Up: What’s Your Default Emotion?” by Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
I’m learning that my default emotion has a lot to do how I’m typically experiencing life. Using the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale (Google it), I am learning to identify my emotions and where they fall on the continuum.
As it is my intention to live a life of freedom, passion, and enthusiasm, I realize that I have to be more intentional about paying attention to how I feel. I can work my way up the emotional scale. And I can be intentional about spending most of my time in certain emotions that feel way better than the ones I have defaulted to for far too long.
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I have a daily podcast on SoundCloud. If you enjoy my blog posts, you get to hear the voice behind these posts. I love doing the podcast because it’s a little freer and you get to hear more of my personality. The name of my podcast is Share & Let’s Live!
On today’s episode of Share & Let’s Live!, I tackle this topic, and share where I am on the emotional guidance scale and where I’d like to be. And I challenge you to move with me up the scale. Use the button below to check out my podcast.
You can listen to it here…. 
off! 
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