Growing up, there weren’t many options for toys and products that looked like me. I remember when the Black Barbie came out. I could’ve cried. I had to have one.
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It’s surprising to me that in 2021, things haven’t changed much. There are more diverse doll options, thanks to companies, like Mattel (who have Barbie dolls in various shades, sizes, and abilities) and several Black owned brands (such Healthy Roots Dolls but the representation is dramatically skewed as you walk the toy aisles.
When my daughter was younger, I really struggled with finding party favors and themes for her birthdays that looked like her. It was heart-breaking going through the aisles and having to choose between Doc McStuffins and Princess Tiana, especially as she outgrew those characters.
This is why I created my brand of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! products that highlights the spectrum of our diverse beauty. I want children to have options when they plan their birthday parties and for parents and loved ones to easily find gifts that look like their child.
This holiday season, I created (and am creating) gifts that you can personalize for your friends and family members. You can choose from 9 different characters of varying shades of melanin, including vitiligo and albinism. My #Proud2BNaturalMe Holiday Collection products allow you to have your recipient’s name printed directly on their gifts!
I’m so proud of the products I’ve created. Sometimes when you don’t see what you want in the world, you choose to become the solution. Check out my promo video here. I hope you love them as much as I do! Please share.
As a kid, I had no desire to be ordinary. I was fascinated with doing little things to stand out. I was the third grader who insisted on writing “M-A-T-H-E-M-A-T-I-C-S” at the top of my paper every single time, although the rest of my classmates simply wrote, “Math.” I was the kid who arrived at school early to help the teachers grade papers, cut out letters for their bulletin boards, and cleaned their erasers. I was also the kid who eagerly awaited hearing my name called during attendance, so I could proudly say, “Present!” when all the other kids said, “Here.”
Today, I received a challenge (intuitively) to be intentional about remaining “present.” I’ve heard so many spiritual teachers and thought leaders speak on the importance of this. I read “The Power of Now” and watched numerous videos on the concept, but after a day or so I fell off. Well, I discovered a new practice that I can easily do, anywhere, and I think I’m going to stick with this one.
Before I go on, let me explain how I view “presence.”
I see presence as the awareness of being in the current moment. It’s the difference between being in a conversation with someone and hearing nothing but the “wah wah wah” like Charlie Brown’s teacher, versus actually listening. It’s the difference between noticing the color of the leaves on the tree in front of your house are now red, instead of green. It’s about bringing our focus back into the room, away from the story that’s going on in our minds.
I remember seeing Eckhart Tolle explain how to become present. In one talk, he took what felt like 5 minutes to take one sip of water, as he explained all that we can observe in that simple act. We can feel the texture and temperature of the cup against our fingers. We can feel the sensation of the cup against our lips. We can slow down and observe the simplest acts with all our senses.
But why would we do that? Because in taking that time to slow down and notice, we quiet our minds. All that useless and sometimes stressful chatter slows down as we focus on something tangible. We re-center as we feel the sensation of the keys on the keyboard, pay attention to the coolness of our breath as we inhale, and warmth as we exhale. When we find ourselves stressed, practicing presence can help us to find our center and regroup.
These simple acts help us return to the present moment, and that’s a very important skill. Not only does it help us clear our minds so we can complete tasks, it also helps us be better communicators. So often our minds are filled with worries about the future and pain from our past. We lose connection when we are not present. We are in conversations with people, but our minds are completely elsewhere. How many times have you grinned and nodded through a conversation, only to realize you have no idea what the other person was talking about? You mentally “left the room.” If you do that enough with someone who’s close to you, the distance will be felt. We also waste time when we’re not present. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve restarted the same paragraph because I wasn’t present. My eyes were following the words, but my thoughts were recalling the details of a recent argument. Each time I drifted off I didn’t retain the information, so I had read it again. Sometimes we scare ourselves with what we accomplish while completely unaware. Have you ever arrived at work, or home, with no recollection of making the decisions required to drive there safely? We zone out. And I’m about to show you what I started doing yesterday to zone back in.
We autopilot our way through so much of life because we have developed a habit of not being present. As someone who is working to overcome anxiety, I now recognize a major reason why I feel anxious is that I spend a lot of time in my head picturing future scenarios…. going really badly. I’m just being honest. As optimistic as I am for basically everyone else on earth, I still find it challenging to not be pessimistic about my own pursuits. (Don’t worry. I’m working on it.) It’s just that I’ve experienced so many unfortunate outcomes that I developed a habit of worry. So when a situation feels familiar, and I recall the last time it went badly, I panic in advance. I see it happening again (in my mind) and possibly with worse consequences. The panic sets in as I think, “Oh gawd, not again. This is where I was last time. It’s going to happen again.”
Today, I was given the gift to choose to remain present. So throughout the day as things occurred that triggered anxiety, in the middle of anxious thoughts, I paused and asked myself, “Where am I?” (I know it sounds crazy, but just follow me. Don’t make it all dramatic like I woke up with amnesia. 😆 ) I just interrupted my thoughts, out loud and asked. (I spend a lot of time alone so that works for me, you may want to think or mouth it, 🤣) And then I ask myself the follow-up question, “What am I doing?”
The first question, “Where am I?” snapped me back to reality and out of the fictitious doom-filled daydream I was inhabiting. The second question reminded me of what I was attempting to do before I drifted off in thought. In that brief moment of clarity, I was able to follow through on numerous tasks, because I cut through the noise and returned to the present moment. I must admit, I was kinda amazed at how much that simple thing helped.
As I reflect on all I got done as a result of this new practice, I realized that I now prefer the word “here” to the word “present.” It may just be my perception of the word, but it feels like “present” just means that my body is occupying a certain space. But when I say, “I’m here,” it feels like all of me is in the room, that I am alert, aware, and alive.
So I offer you this simple practice. It really helped me and it begins with two simple questions. “Where are you?” “What are you doing?” It’s like calling to a child whose in the middle of pretend play. It interrupts the scene going on in our minds and returns us to the present moment.
I encourage you to become intentional about being “here.” Let’s not just occupy space, let’s be in the room. Let’s intentionally notice our surroundings, tune into our senses, and listen to the people who are talking to us. Let’s take a break from planning out every possible negative scenario (or maybe that one’s just for me. 😆). Let’s be alive. Let’s be here.
What if we chose to do ONE courageous thing every day ’til the end of the year? 1 big or small thing aligned with our goals…
I was sitting here thinking about a promise I made to my daughter many years ago about overcoming my fears. I want to be an even greater example to her about what’s possible, and that’s going to take some courage… a willingness to experience a fear of failing and do it anyway. So I decided minutes before posting this that I want to challenge myself to walk in courage the rest of this year, and get some things done…. some things I’ve been putting off that I know I can accomplish if I focus more on my intentions than my insecurities.
So I extend the same challenge to you. Every day for the rest of year, do one small thing that is (safe and not harming anyone else, lol, and) aligned with your goals and priorities. The second hand on a clock counts too. We can make micro steps daily and end up farther along than if we just continued to put that thing off indefinitely.
Big or small, forward is forward. So maybe you don’t feel ready to write the manuscript, but could you sit for 15 minutes and meditate on the message you want readers to take away from your book? Maybe you have a concept and a few stories you want to share in a podcast. Could you write an outline of topics you’d like to cover or people you’d like to interview? Maybe you’re setting some wellness/weight loss goals for after the holidays. Could you research some meal plans or meal prep hacks? Or maybe you’re an artist who wants to get back to/begin painting. Could you set up a wish list of supplies, or rearrange your space to create a small studio?
Big goals are accomplished by small tasks attached to preplanned outcomes. The year isn’t over, we can still get some things done.
And for those who work work work and rarely play, or rest, maybe your courageous step is to find a few minutes each day to laugh and breathe.
Today would be the 13th anniversary of my death. I realized that a few minutes ago as I wrote, “Nov. 4, 2021” at the top of the page in my journal.
For those of you who weren’t around that day, I was nearly shot and killed around 4pm on November 4, 2008. As I sat in a parked car waiting for my passenger’s conversation to end, a bullet pierced through my rear driver’s side window, narrowly missing the back of my head, and lodged in the door frame of my passenger side door. As shattered glass poured down my back, I was jarred back into reality, and the sounds of two gunshots echoed in my mind….
Later that day (or the next), I traced the trajectory of the bullet and realized that death missed me by 2 inches.
It’s not something I think about often. Well, I do think about it briefly each time I pass that intersection, but I don’t think about it in detail. And, I definitely don’t think about the tremendous impact of that moment.
Today, after writing that date in my journal, that’s all I could think about. I thought of all the lives I’ve touched since then, that I wouldn’t have. I had my own “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Bailey moment and realized how much my presence matters.
I thought about my daughter who would’ve never been born. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until a month later.
I thought about the friends I’ve coached through deep grief.
I thought about the friends I’ve share healing messages with that I received intuitively.
I thought about all the girls I’ve spoken to in schools, libraries, and churches that I never would have empowered.
I thought about how my book would’ve never been read, because it hadn’t been written yet.
I thought about all my friends who are now authors because seeing me do it gave them the courage to try.
I thought about all the friends who I empowered with words and conversation starters for reaching out when tension was high last year, and everyone was scared to say the wrong thing.
I thought about the really close friendships I would’ve never experienced.
I thought about the posts I never would’ve written.
I thought about the woman I met at Friday’s who I coached through her divorce and how happy she is now no longer dealing with her ex husband’s alcoholism.
I thought about the people I never would have encouraged.
I thought about so many things that would have been different, so many connections that wouldn’t have happened, so many lives that I wouldn’t have touched….
Sometimes we don’t see our value until the oddest moments cause us to reflect. Maybe you’re not where you want to be in life, and the thoughts of that consume you. Just know that you are still here for a purpose and that you touch far more people than you’ll ever know.
Sometimes I think about how one stranger who smiled at me or said, “How you doin’?” completely turned my day around. That one moment of connection shifted how I interacted with the next person, the next driver, my family, etc. We are so connected. That person who ran late and got on the bus seconds before it pulled off three stops before yours, caused the bus to stop at that red light that allowed you to catch it a few blocks later. We are connected. The person who kindly held the door for that person who was having a bad day, helped them to get in their car in a better mood, so they got into traffic in a better mood, and didn’t ruin the next person’s day. We’re interconnected.
As you go through life, realize that the choices we make impact the next person, and let’s move and interact in ways that make our world a little better one interaction at a time.
I thought about my daughter who would’ve never been born. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until a month later.
I thought about the friends I’ve coached through deep grief.
I thought about the friends I’ve share healing messages with that I received intuitively.
I thought about all the girls I’ve spoken to in schools, libraries, and churches that I never would have empowered. 
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