Last night, I had a nightmare… not your standard horror movie type, but the kind where the scene got a little too real, the intensity of the dream bled over into reality, and I woke up screaming, “I JUST HATE MY LIFE!”
Yikes. Luckily I never sleep in silence. I have six YouTube tabs of rainstorms and white noise playing simultaneously at very high volume. I was embarrassed as I realized I, once again, woke up yelling the carryover from an intense dream.
I’ve been talking in my sleep since I was kid. It’s not every night, or even every month. It just happens at random… maybe once (or thrice) in a year. After the initial unnecessary embarrassment, I recognized it was too loud in my room for someone to have heard me and then I started to think about the words I had just yelled.
It was a moment of reality that was super uncomfortable, but rather than immediately begin unpacking the emotions and processing the pain of doing single motherhood without bringing in the level of income I deserve, I followed the nudge to get up and get to my computer to record the experience.
So today’s podcast, is more of storytime monologue. I tell the story, walking you through the timeline from dream to reality. This podcast will go into my new category of Entertainment. I don’t want you to think I’m losing it over here. AND I recognize that I’ve been navigating heavy sh*t for a long time and how I’ve been secretly feeling shot into the darkness. I can’t keep ignoring that as much as I keep pushing myself to be okay, that I’ve had enough of the struggle.
Lately, I’ve been painfully aware that it’s time to shift my life… that it’s time to stop letting fear and other people’s opinions keep me small. That if I truly step into my power and acknowledge that no one can take it from me anymore, I can shift my life.
Having that dream, let me know that I can’t delay that shift much longer. The pain of staying small is too much and I’m so over it.
I’m grateful for the power of dreams. Sometimes dreams are just weird, but other times they can clue us in on things that we aren’t paying attention to. I’d rather have this f*cked up dream that let’s me know it’s time to fix what’s going on, than to have that sh*t happen in real life.
So now begins the work. It’s time for me to clear up these interfering beliefs WHILE doing the work to get myself where I know I belong. I have two coaches working with me now to help me with my professional goals (technically three). And as weary as I am from this uphill climb, and the countless YEARS of inner work, I’ve gotta pull it out of me and do this work. I have homework assignments toward getting myself more speaking opportunities. And, yes, I did just launch a greeting card line, but that doesn’t matter because I still have to make time for the things that will move the needle on my financial independence goals.
So I’m going to start allowing myself to step into my creativity. I’m going to allow myself to claim titles that I didn’t feel worthy of. I’m going to start creating more and sharing it. I’m going to do the scary ass booking myself for speaking opportunities. I’m going to experience the uncomfortable fears and do what’s got to be done so I can spend more time saying, “I love my life.” I know I have it in me. I’ve just gotta let go of all they’ve told me about who I am, what I can do, and who will actually care.
I’m going to do my work in the world—well, continue to—and keep taking it up a notch, and then another, and another. I know I can do this. I’ve just gotta keep growing in believing in myself and who I KNOW that I am.
Thanks for reading… and listening.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
MDillon Designs & Publishing 