Teach People How to Treat You

One of the greatest gifts of knowing your worth is that you value treatment above company.

I recently “fell out” (meaning, had an argument) with someone important to me. They came to me with so much anger and disrespect, blaming me for something that was their fault. I am not a person who argues. So if you get me to raise my voice, you have really taken it too far. (I wanted to say “got out your body” but I acknowledge that phrase is not used everywhere. 😆)

So I put this person in their place, told them that they were actually to blame for the situation they were in, and told them to leave me alone until they are able to speak to me respectfully. And I stood on that.

In the past, I would’ve let their attempts at small talk cause us to reconnect without addressing what happened. Not this time. In the past, I would’ve let the amount of time it’s been since we last spoke cause me to reach out to them. Not this time. In the past, I would’ve let my worries about, “What if something happens to them? I would’ve let this petty thing be the last conversation we had,” cause me to be the one who apologized, to end the tension, even though I knew I was in the right. Not this time.

I let them sit in it. I avoided them, because I didn’t want to be fake, and honestly I didn’t want to be around them, if they thought it was okay to disrespect me and just go on with their life. I let time go by and let them live without my presence. I recognized my worth, and did not chase them.

Well, today, they went out of their way to get to me and apologize. And I didn’t let them get away with just a, “Sorry.” I said, “Thank you,” then asked them what they were sorry for. When they went on to apologize for the disrespect and blame, and then took ownership, I knew we could move forward. And I was proud of myself for not just letting it go. I valued my standard, and made it clear that if they want my presence in their life, they needed to meet it. And for the first time, I stuck it out and didn’t let fear cause me to waver and lower my expectation.

The great thing about that is that now they know what my standard is and what my expectation is for the future. We don’t have to revisit this lesson again. They got it for themselves. If I had to explain to them what they did, or if I swooped in to restore the peace, I can almost guarantee we’d go through this again. But by remembering my worth, and not wavering, they got the lesson for themselves. They even learned something about themselves—that they tend to blame others for things that are their fault. So I’m grateful I didn’t back down. And that actually makes me think about a separate story and some quick lessons I want to share with you…..

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So I had a dear friend who taught me to value myself more. I’m definitely not there fully, yet, but I raised my value from like 5% to 85% in their company. They taught me many things while we were close, and I’m gonna share a few of those with you, today.

“They’re gonna need you before you need them.” I was always running behind people to keep the relationship going. I never wanted them to leave. I never wanted things to end. I would reach back for exes, as I remembered the good times (of course, completely forgetting all the ways they made me feel unhappy and unloved). I would resurrect past relationships, and I’d be the only one working to maintain the present relationships.

As I was complaining to this friend about another friend who was giving me a hard time and draining my energy, they said, “Forget her (well they used the other “f” word, lol, but I’ll explain that later). She’s gonna need you before you need her.” And I thought about their words, and realized they were right. I didn’t really gain anything from that relationship. That friendship was draining when we did talk, and one I didn’t really miss when we didn’t talk. I was keeping it alive—checking on her periodically when we hadn’t talked in a while. And maintaining my “open door policy” when she needed advice. I wasn’t really getting anything out of the relationship. I mean, we had moments where she extended kindness here or there. But generally speaking the relationship was empty and I was the only one consistently putting anything in.

So when we had a falling out, I took that advice. I didn’t reach back. I let it fizzle out. And although periodically she crosses my mind, I don’t do what I used to. I don’t reach out. I say a little prayer and keep it moving. I don’t like to repeat toxic cycles.

FTB & FTS These two acronyms are phrases that help me let go of things when I’m tempted to ruminate. That dear friend would be on the receiving end of my rants about people doing me wrong and life going wrong, and their response was always the same—well, these plus one other, that I won’t share, lol. So FTB stands for “f*ck that b*tch,” and FTS stands for “f*ck that sh*t.” 😆

Let me tell you, those two phrases will give you so much relief when you’re all riled up. Sometimes people can really get to you, and sometimes life can really get you down. It’s the ultimate pivot moment when you declare to yourself, “Man, f*ck that b*tch,” and let people be as they are, or say to yourself, “F*ck that sh*t,” and just do what you’ve gotta do.

There are many others, but I’m hungry and my bacon just finished in the air fryer. So although I could sit here and try to hammer out one more lesson, “Man, f*ck that sh*t.” I’m about to eat. 😆

Hope this was helpful for you, or at least entertaining.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

*** Learn more about me, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist! ***

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On my blog and Share & Let’s Live! podcast, I share tips and tools that are transforming my life and mindset every single day. If you appreciate this FREE daily podcast (and are able), please consider sending a tip via Buymeacoffee. It’s a great way to support without breaking the bank. (No pressure, of course. If you’re unable, please know I understand.)

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