How available are you for everyone else? How available are you for yourself? Do you feel guilty for not being available for others? Do you feel the same about not making time for yourself?
Today, I realized that I primarily show up as a supporting character in everyone else’s drama, and I’m rarely on set for my own show.
That visual hit me during the podcast—that I can look at the people in my life as having their own shows. And I have my own show. So if I am spending more time playing supporting roles in everyone’s drama, I’m never really on my own set!
And I honestly don’t know what to do with that. I’m not going to lie and say I have the answer on how to fix this. I literally just realized it today while recording my podcast.
One thing I learned from an amazing coach some time ago is that awareness is the most important thing. Just recognizing a behavior or thought pattern that we didn’t realize was happening is a win in itself….
I admit that as a woman, as a mom, as a single mom… of an only child… I am definitely societally conditioned to be primarily not on my own set. The more we sacrifice and make ourselves available is how we show we’re good at being women, friends, moms, partners, spouses, etc. I’m not saying I agree with this, just that I’ve definitely been conditioned by it.
The good thing, though, is that some years ago it hit me that I am here for more than to be a mom. Mom is just one of my titles. Currently it’s my most important and most prioritized one, but there are other aspects of me, too. I have primarily just focused on the supporting roles I am to play in other’s lives, but today that image of my vacant set helped me remember I am here for more than to be a daughter, a friend, a partner… a fill in the blank.
At some point, I get to be the main character in my own story. And now that I have this awareness, I get to start thinking about what that looks like. What am I putting last that needs to creep up to first? What obligations do I need to release? What responsibilities do I need to start delegating or phasing out?
It’s probably going to require me to set some uncomfortable boundaries and have some uncomfortable conversations. I’m going to likely have to be willing to look like I’m a bad friend, mother, partner, etc. I’m gonna have to be okay being on other people’s sets for shorter amounts of time. And I’m going to have to remember, and even rediscover, the theme of my own show.
And maybe this resonates with you and you realize you have been primarily off set. Don’t feel bad about that. We did what we thought was best at that time and now that we see room for a shift, we are allowing ourselves to process that, think about that, and gradually take steps toward shifting the balance of where we show up the most. And we will give ourselves grace because it’s not always an easy shift (especially if you’re a caregiver and have someone who needs you and relies on you consistently).
So this isn’t about cussing everyone out and saying, “You’re on your own! I need to get back to my set!” It’s really about being aware of it and just noticing the big and small ways we can spend more time as the main character in our lives.
If this resonates with you, check out today’s episode. The recording is above (beneath the meme). And you’ll get the awesome bonus of a good minute of hilarious laughter when I had a less deep discovery during the podcast. LMAO
I hope this helps you. If it resonates, feel free to leave me a comment below, and of course, like this post. Thanks so much.
Have an amazing whatever time of day it is where you are.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
MDillon Designs & Publishing 