“Occasionally an egg gets cracked. It’s all about what you choose to do with it.”
— Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Sometimes unexpected problems arise. We don’t know what to do except fall out and ruminate over the problem. I think that the blessing of my life is that I’ve been through so many unexpected turns and twists that now I am trained to look for how I can use this new instance to my advantage.

I’m not saying that I don’t initially get derailed. Honestly, right now, life has me hanging off the rails and part of me wants to give in, and give up. But ultimately I’m not built like that. Maybe it’s the strength in my genes, or maybe it’s the fighters—my ancestors—surrounding me keeping me from giving up. All I know is something within me (or whispering around me) always finds another way to view the situation.

And I don’t mean literal cracked egg situations, although I do it with those, too… most times. I mean, stay-at-home mom with no money of my own, husband doesn’t come home, about to be evicted, makes a plan and cries later type of situations. I mean, school is starting, can’t live in the dorms, can’t afford an apartment, and haven’t applied for one, sleep on an air mattress on friends’ living room floor for months type problems.

Life has not always been kind to me. Most days I think I’m the butt of life’s inside joke. However, I find a way to use life and all it’s bull for good.

If I didn’t, I would have never started blogging. It’s the spins on life situations that come to me that I share here. It’s the alternate perspective of what to do with the mess that falls that has created my blog and podcast.

Things are far from beautiful on my end. At least once a day it feels downright unbearable. But somehow I always get an idea of what to do with the bullsh*t that falls before me. Somehow I am gifted another way to see it. Somehow I find a way to make a meal from life’s cracked eggs. And I hope that you will, too.

It’s okay to get frustrated, sad, angry…. to cry over the parts of life that are unexpected and inconvenient. That’s a human thing to do. And there is value in learning to take the lessons, and blessings, and possibilities from those moments. Honestly, for me, sometimes that’s the only way I can get through them. I have to hold to my core belief that “God loves me too much to make me go through for no reason.” I learned that from my Pastor many years ago and it has kept me to this day. I have seen how some of the most how-is-this-my-life awful down moments have come back to mind to help me support someone else. It’s not always about me, sometimes my testimony is to give encouragement to someone else. I accept that life isn’t always about me and sometimes my lessons are to help someone else. So no matter what happens, I can’t help but find value in it.

Anyway, these words just came to me fresh from a nap. I’m not sure who this is for, and maybe it’s just for me. But I wanted to be honoring of the gift that was placed before me. Blessings to you and yours.

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

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Marlene would love to hear from you! If this post inspired you, comment below.
You can also send Marlene a secure gift online via BuyMeaCoffee.

BuyMeaCoffee is a simple and secure way to support your favorite artists. It’s the equivalent of saying, “That was awesome! Here’s $5. Buy yourself a cup of coffee.” Since Marlene loves to drink matcha, you can use the button below to send her a cup of matcha and a note of appreciation. She’ll be so excited!

Last month, I posted a blog every day. It was an awesome challenge for me because it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to do something consistently for a WEEK, much less a month. I am super proud of myself for sticking with it, even when I didn’t feel like it. I am proud of myself for writing quite a few new blog posts during the 30 days, when I gave myself the out to post old ones. And I am proud of myself for keeping my word… to myself… which mattered most of all.

For the month of May, I gave myself a new challenge. And when I say a “challenge,” I mean a what-the-heck-was-I-thinking-this-is-bananas-and-way-too-scary-O-M-G kinda challenge.

So I’ve alluded to this thing for years, here and there in blog posts and an occasional random IG post that I am songwriter…. well a closet songwriter. I receives songs in my dreams. I wake up, record the hooks, verses, choruses, melodies, etc. then I go back to sleep. I typically don’t double back to even listen to them because hearing my own voice is awkward and weird and I tend to over critique myself.

Anywho, during my April of daily blogging I began to wonder what I would do when May arrived. A fleeting thought of sharing my music daily crossed my mind, but I quickly batted that thought away, because I would never do that.

However, I am also trying to dramatically change the results I’m getting in my life so doing something I’d never do sounded like the thing to do.

For the longest time, I’d have an idea, put myself out there, not get the “right” feedback, and then put myself back into hiding and stick with what I’m known for or just something safer. I think that each time I kinda stuck my toe in the water, I was hoping for someone to say or do something that gave me permission to step fully into my gift(s). What I realized recently is that everyone is doing their own thing and really committed to following their path and that although some people do get saved (not the Christian way), that to date I am not one of those people. I am a person who has to carve my own path, pull myself up and out of life’s wells. I have to find my own way back home. No matter how many times it’s looked like it, no one is coming to save me. (Real empowering, Marlene. ) ijs

Sooo…. one of my dreams has been to be a songwriter. I have tried over the years to learn software and learn to play the keyboard, learn to use recording apps and so on. And it’s been a really uphill waste of time. I still can’t do that crap well. And people with an income different that mine would say, “Just hire someone to do it.” Yeah. That’s not in the budget… AND I am tired of not making progress on my dream.

So I decided to start where I can. One of my biggest obstacles to being a songwriter is that I’m terrified to let people hear me sing or hear the rough recordings that I’ve made. That’s something I can work on. That’s where my “I May” Challenge was born.

Like I stated before, I have been waiting (in vain) for someone to give me permission to step into my role as a songwriter. It was as if I was putting out a little something here and there with the question, “May I please share my gift?” So I decided for the month of may to stop asking and give myself permission. So I labeled this month “I May” as in “I may share my gift.” I’m no longer waiting for permission.

So for the entire month of may I am challenging myself to share my music EVERY DAY. I have been writing snippets and pieces of songs for years—a chorus here, a verse there, some lyrics one day, a melody the next. I have been recording these snippets for years. I know that I have enough song fragments to post something every single day. And the challenge for me will be to: actually do it, overcome the self-criticism to hit “Post,” and to re-record any pieces that I feel I need to in order to ensure I have a daily post this whole month.

I’m not sharing these for critique. I’m sharing these as an act of bravery. And I’m sharing these to honor myself… my gift… that I have been wanting to do something with for over a decade. I’m tired of waiting for the perfect time to start, for the perfect support to help me, and for the fully completed compositions to magically be created before I grant myself permission to feel safe to share.

I’m doing it without feeling safe. I’m doing it because I cannot take it any more that I am still not sharing my music. I sing ALL DAY. I write songs ALL DAY. There is absolutely no reason for me to not be consistently and intentionally creating music. It matters too much to me.

So there you have it. Every day this month, I will post a song snippet…. whatever I have done so far on that piece. It will be vocals only because I’m not waiting til I have the skills. I’m putting it out as is and if you come across one of those posts, please give me a for the bravery alone. If you don’t like the song or have nothing positive to say (as always) please move along. When someone is trying, let’s be encouraging or silent.

So although I already (grudgingly) shared my I May Challenge Day 3 song in a separate post, I will leave the link below. Again, positive comments or silence. Thank you so much.

Geez, why I do this to myself. I guess that’s what it means to live a #LifeofYes.

BTW Maybe there’s something you’ve been wanting to do forever but never granted yourself permission. If it’s not hurting anybody else and it is a way to show love and honor to yourself and your dreams, maybe you want to join me with your own “I May” Challenge. I’d love to hear about it. We’re only 3 days in. You could even do it for just a week or 2 or 21 days. You can add the tag #IMAYCHALLENGE if you choose to join in.

Here’s to giving ourselves permission to be all we desire to be.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Ummm….. here are the songs I’ve shared so far….

• “I May” Challenge Day 1 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 2 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 3 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 4 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 5 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 6 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 7 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 8 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 9 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 10 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 11 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 12 Song by Marlene Dillon
• “I May” Challenge Day 13 Song by Marlene Dillon

At some point, the daily posts changed from being just songs to a beautiful new podcast! I chose to name it simply #IMAYCHALLENGE Songwriting Journey w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist. It’s about being my witness as I overcome fears and pasts beliefs and become more authentically me. It’s a conversation between me and you, as I share my stories and song for the day. I believe you’ll find it entertaining and empowering. A great companion for your commute.

Use the button below to check out the rest of the posts from this awesome challenge! I’m so proud of myself for doing this. Thank you for your support.

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Did you find this post inspiring?

Marlene would love to hear from you! If this post inspired you, comment below.
You can also send Marlene a secure gift online via BuyMeaCoffee.

BuyMeaCoffee is a simple and secure way to support your favorite artists. It’s the equivalent of saying, “That was awesome! Here’s $5. Buy yourself a cup of coffee.” Since Marlene loves to drink matcha, you can use the button below to send her a cup of matcha and a note of appreciation. She’ll be so excited!

Sooo…. I was playing this game on my phone. It’s my little dopamine fix when I need to feel like I accomplished something. So I take on a task in this game that I have to collect over 2,000 green and yellow squares in 4 hours! (Hey, it’s the weekend. Why not?) So I’m collecting squares by matching them. The more I can match at once, the better. And then I completed the level. And I was mad!

It was an easy level so collecting squares was simple. There were less obstacles, so I was hoping to stay on that level for a while, but I unintentionally mastered the requirements of that level and it ended.

The next level was a hard one and at first I was mad. But then I thought about it, that since that level was challenging, I could just collect green and yellow squares as long as I needed to without the likelihood of completing the level. I could just stay there as long as it took, and collect points.

That’s when the lesson hit me. By changing my purpose on that level, I was able to joyful collect points (or pointers), without thinking about completing it. Similar to the previous level, maybe if I just focus on gathering what I’m meant to at that stage, I’ll complete the level unintentionally.

In life, it feels like I’ve been on this super hard level for a long ass time. (Sorry there’s no other way to say it honestly.) And I have been fighting and dragging myself through begging for it to end. But maybe my purpose is to gather pointers and wisdom and lessons on this level. Maybe my purpose is to heal myself past on this level. Maybe I can shift my focus from getting it over with to gaining all I can.

If I shift my perspective, I may be able to shift my experience. Currently, this level sucks. And maybe by choosing to see this level as a necessary part of my journey, with benefits, I can find peace, joy, and even pleasure in it. I am tired of waking up dreading where I am for where I want to be. And maybe the point is that if I begin to play on this level as it is and see it’s benefits, I’ll complete this level unintentionally.

I hope you got the message. We don’t have to dread our lives. We just need to reframe the stage.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Did you find this post inspiring?

Marlene would love to hear from you! If this post inspired you, comment below.
You can also send Marlene a secure gift online via BuyMeaCoffee.

BuyMeaCoffee is a simple and secure way to support your favorite artists. It’s the equivalent of saying, “That was awesome! Here’s $5. Buy yourself a cup of coffee.” Since Marlene loves to drink matcha, you can use the button below to send her a cup of matcha and a note of appreciation. She’ll be so excited!

Today, I wrote my inner child a letter. I acknowledged all the effort she’s made to hold on to the title of “good girl.”

It was interesting because the journal exercise didn’t start out that way. As I was writing, the epiphany hit me. I suddenly understood the reason why my number one deal breaker in all relationships is noticing they don’t view me as a “good person.”

Today, I realized that a major reason why being seen as a good person matters so much to me is because of the reward system attached to being a “good girl.” I was a “nerd” and “shy” in school so acceptance from peers wasn’t high on my priority list. However, being seen as “good” by teachers and other authority figures was very important. For one, my mom told my homeroom teachers at every report card pickup that they had her permission to whoop me, if I got out of line. That fear alone ensured I never got in trouble. I didn’t even talk when I was supposed to in school.

It wasn’t just the fear of corporal punishment that kept me in line. I liked the favor I was bestowed by being “good.” Adults were extra kind to me because I was a good girl. I was the one they could rely on. I was the one they didn’t have to worry about. Because I was good, I didn’t have to endure the isolation of the playground—for not fitting in, for not having friends, and for not knowing how to jump (or turn) double dutch. I got to stay inside and help the teachers, because I was good. I got to bypass the playground and enter the school early—while the teachers were just regular people, having fun conversations, laughing and drinking their morning coffee, because I was good. I got to sit in the teacher’s lounge and watch All My Children during the lunch period, with no one objecting, because I was good. And when I had struggles with standardized testing and my scores didn’t correlate with my regular grades, my teacher wrote a personal recommendation letter for me, because I was good.

As I wrote that letter to my inner child, I realized how I went from being a “good girl” as a child, to needing to be a “good” everything throughout my life. When I was religious, I needed to be a “good Christian.” When I was coupled, I needed to be a “good girlfriend” and a “good wife.” In this stage, I need to be a “good parent” and “good mom.” Everywhere I turn, this good label follows me.

Today, I realized that it is just that…. a label. And labels can be removed. I can be seen as a good mom because I have a phenomenal relationship with my daughter, but if she acts out in school, or with her friends, someone can come and snatch that label. I can cook three meals a day for my husband, but if my house isn’t clean, I’m no longer labeled a “good wife.” I could never miss a Sunday, feed the poor, clothe the naked, but get caught coming out of a bar, or strip club, and I’m no longer a “good Christian.”

And that’s just thinking of how others can snatch my label. That doesn’t even include the long list of reasons that I internally remove and replace that label throughout my day, because of unrealistic expectations I put on myself.

Today, I said, “Eff that ‘good’ label.” Let that bish blow in the wind. I don’t want to be “good” or “bad.” I just want to be me. I just want to live the rest of my life being my most authentic self in every moment.

I don’t want to run myself down to nothing in an effort to prove I’m a good mom, or a good business owner. I don’t want to let someone run over me, and give everything regardless of what I get in return, just to say I was a good woman, good girlfriend, or good wife. I’m over trying to live up to unrealistic expectations that many leaders aren’t living up to so I can claim I am a good (insert religion here).

I’m done. I don’t care if you think I’m good. I don’t care if I think I’m good. I’m going to do my fluctuating best in every given moment. Some days I’m going to match the description of a good __________, and some days I won’t. And I don’t care either way.

What I am going to do is just be. Of course, I will have some standards. I have values and core beliefs that I abide by. I have moral standards and such, AND I am giving myself permission to just be. Authenticity is my goal. My best gets to fluctuate. I no longer need to meet some external standard of what qualifies me as doing it right. I get to set that standard… in the moment.

I’m done trying to live up to unrealistic standards based on comparison. I am my standard. I get to choose in any given moment what is best for me. And I hope that as you read this you begin to give yourself permission to drop some labels, too. It doesn’t mean that you have to stop pushing yourself, or no longer excel and achieve. It doesn’t mean you have to drop your standards. It just means that we get to set them.

We’re no longer seeking to prove ourselves to society. We are doing it for us. And maybe in some areas the standard is set, like at work, or in school. And in those areas we may continue to base our standards on those external rubrics. However, there are definitely areas in our lives where we get to choose how we define ourselves. There are definitely areas where we can show ourselves more grace.

Because when I’m not feeling well, my best is different from when I’m feeling 100%. When you’re dealing with grief or loss, your best can be different than the days where all is well in your world.

If “good” is meeting the external standard, then I give myself permission to be “bad.” I get to my own standards for what matters to me, what I prioritize, what gets my attention, and how I choose to show up in any given moment. I am done with living up to the labels. I’m done being “good.” I choose to be me, and I hope you give yourself permission to be you.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

Co-Founder of SISTAMoms with Yvonne Monique Livingston LLC

Owner/Chief Empowerment Officer of MDillon Designs & Publishing Visionary/Podcaster at Share and Let’s Live!

Author/Illustrator/Designer of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!

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Did you find this post inspiring?

Marlene would love to hear from you! If this post inspired you, comment below.
You can also send Marlene a secure gift online via BuyMeaCoffee.

BuyMeaCoffee is a simple and secure way to support your favorite artists. It’s the equivalent of saying, “That was awesome! Here’s $5. Buy yourself a cup of coffee.” Since Marlene loves to drink matcha, you can use the button below to send her a cup of matcha and a note of appreciation. She’ll be so excited!