Empowering others is my greatest strength, while admittedly self-empowerment is my biggest challenge. I strongly believe that what we came here to learn is also what we came here to teach. I learned that from Louise Hay and it has stuck with me.

Growing up, I was constantly criticized. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I struggled in school, but nobody knew it, because my grades were really good. I sat in class most days having no clue what was going on. I felt stupid and wondered why everyone around me got it and I didn’t. I had no idea that I was #neurodivergent at the time.

What few people know (because I didn’t tell anyone until recent years), is that everyday I went home and taught myself what I missed in school. Phonics didn’t make sense to me. When we’d sit on the floor and sound out words and then put them together, I always felt so confused because the word that they came up with in the end was not the same word that I yelled out. (When everybody else said, “Cuh” “at” “cat,” I said, “Cuh” “at,” “cuh-at!”) I quickly learned to sound things out with them and then just move my lips and remain silent for the word part so I didn’t embarrass myself. Eventually, I accepted that I wasn’t going to master #phonics so somewhere between first and second grade I started to memorize all the vocabulary words in advance and in class I would just lip sync. When it came to math I really struggled. It didn’t make sense and no one would help me. I wanted to raise my hand and ask for help, but my teachers always said, “If there are no more questions, we can move on.” I saw the eye rolls and heard the sighs each time other classmates raised their hands, so I didn’t raise mine. I was often one question away from understanding, but I didn’t want to delay the progress of my whole class—my teacher included. I felt they shouldn’t be inconvenienced just because I wasn’t “smart enough.”

I never realized until now how much being neurodivergent in my environment impacted who I’d become. The constant criticism at home mixed with the constant feeling of being behind in school made me feel hopeless and helpless. In all my spaces, I felt like I didn’t belong and that I wasn’t meeting the standard. No matter how hard I tried I just did not fit in. I was never doing enough. I was not #enough.

Feeling “not enough” has echoed throughout my life—it’s such a disempowering feeling. Some people experience pain and choose to give pain to everyone. I am a pain alchemist. I turn my pain into purpose. I don’t want people to feel the way I have so I offer the opposite. Due to the pain of not fitting in, I became dedicated to making everyone feel welcomed. Due to the pain of feeling invisible, I became committed to ensuring the overlooked are seen. Due to the pain of feeling powerless to change, I became obsessed with teaching empowerment.

I am Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist because I pour into others what I wish I received. I learned this from one of my professors in my master’s in counseling program. He asked us to take our memories and create a #timeline of our lives. We wrote down our emotionally charged memories—those life snapshots that periodically come to mind. Whether they were happy or sad, embarrassing or exciting, we wrote down our most vivid #memories. Next, we sorted our memory snapshots. For each unpleasant memory, we wrote what we needed at that moment.

I put that assignment off to the last minute because I didn’t want to think about the “bad stuff.” I am so grateful I didn’t skip the assignment because it was one of the most powerful gifts I’ve ever received. In class as we reviewed our assignment, he taught us that the way we heal our brokenness, is to give to others what we needed in the unpleasant moments. We can form gold from the pain we’ve experienced. This is how we gain purpose from our pain. We heal ourselves, and we heal others….

Our challenging moments can overtake our lives if we let them. However, I decided to use my pain for a purpose. I decided to keep this lesson in my heart and build my life around it. As a parent, I give my child what I wish I received. Through my business I give to my clients and customers what I wish someone offered. Through my posts, blogs and podcasts, I.U.S.E. (inspire, uplift, support, and empower) people with what I’ve needed. Because I was especially disempowered throughout my life, I specialize in #empowerment. I give others what I wish I received.

If you find yourself ruminating over the negative snapshots of your life, I highly encourage you to try this exercise. If you feel it will be too emotionally triggering, I encourage you to do it with a supportive loved one, coach, mentor, or therapist. It was so healing for me and still is….

I have been through some tough stuff that in those moments, I couldn’t understand. Even now, my current financial situation is painful. And as much as it hurts, I am beginning to understand. I recognize, now, that my financial struggles are helping me fully understand the mindset and needs of those I intend to serve. I have a heart for supporting the community through #education, #resources, and access to services. And needing those things myself helps me to better serve those who I will help in the future.

I see now that people who cannot relate to the struggle miss the nuances that impact connection, cooperation, and participation in support services. If you’ve never known the pain of filling out extensive government paperwork for services, or experienced the embarrassment of standing in line outside an aid office in your neighborhood, or the soul-destroying disappointment of sitting in that office for a full day to be told that the person directly in front of you is the last person they are serving, and to “come back tomorrow,” you do not fully understand how to serve people who need financial assistance.

Someone who knows the struggle of #poverty first-hand is far more equipped to design programs than someone who learned about it in school. Someone who struggled with being a #neurodivergent student is more equipped to design an educational system that supports the #neurodiverse. A single mom who rebuilt her life through personal development, introspection, and spiritual practices is far more equipped to speak to the needs of newly single moms. Education has its purpose and lived experience makes a difference. I am blessed to have both.

The lived experience doesn’t feel like a blessing, but it will be for those I help. None of my pain has to be wasted. I get to use it to empower my community and that’s an exciting gift that came from pain.

If you are looking for a powerful speaker, who understands the needs of the community, please check out my speaking page.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Author of I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!
Owner/Publisher/Author/Designer at MDillon Designs & Publishing
#healingourfamilies #Proud2BNaturalMe#parenting#singlemomlife#singlemother#mompreneur

Some people think I’m calloused because of how easily I seem to let relationships go. The truth is that it hurts me, too.

I’ve seen many close relationships come to an end for one reason or another. Because I am a private person, people rarely know the full story. They just know one minute we were close and had been friends for years, and then we were no longer speaking. I don’t feel it’s necessary to let people in to those aspects of my life, unless it directly impacts them.

I don’t discard relationships without just cause. I notice changes, I sit back and observe, I give people room and don’t initially assume that whatever they are going through has anything to do with me. I check on them, I communicate when things feel off for too long, and then if the relationship causes me more turmoil than peace, or just feels complete, I let it go.

I value my peace. I no longer hold on to things that make me feel bad. It doesn’t matter how close we were, or how long we were cool. If it causes me emotional and psychological distress, I let it go.

I can honor the good times. I can respect the memories. And I can acknowledge that season is now over and let it blow in the wind.

A lot of people feel a sense of guilt or disloyalty for releasing long time relationships. But I strongly believe that relationships are for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE FOR A LIFETIME. That’s a hard truth. But accepting it can bring so much peace.

We see it sometimes with athletes, performers, and even pastors, who stay in the game too long. They have an amazing career, full of accolades and successes, but when their performance begins to decline they don’t exit. They stick it out until it poisons their legacy.

I don’t need to have a knockdown drag out fight with a friend to know our relationship has run its course. If we no longer can agree, or agree to disagree; when we no longer have anything in common, when we’ve hurt each other and refuse to apologize or do better, it’s time to let it go.

I no longer hold on to what hurts me. I prefer to let go when the season of peace, love and joy has ended. My life has enough challenges. I don’t need constant unrest in my relationships, too. I walk away while I can still respect you….

Sometimes people we were cool with forever show us a side to them that makes it impossible to get the relationship back. For me, those are times when I look at our journey and think, “We had a good run, but this can’t be repaired.” I recognize that what I thought was a lifetime relationship, was actually for a season—or reason. And I decide to let it go. I don’t even always have a conversation with the other person. I just make that decision within myself and stop reaching out. Typically, I’m the one who initiates contact anyway so as I back away, the relationship just dissipates. And I’ve had some where we had that uncomfortable chat and I let them know that I am committed to peace and resolution, and if they’re committed to an argument, we have nothing more to discuss. And then I let them go.

Trust me, I know it’s hard when you think people have a lifetime membership, but they do something so unexpected and hurtful that you can never view them the same. I’ve been there far too many times. It hurts me when I let people go. But sometimes it hurts more to hold on. I love myself too much to do that anymore. Gotta let them drift in the wind. And eventually, I can think of the good times, without focusing on the hurt. I can think of them and smile at the memories, and send them thoughts of love.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

If you are in close relationship with me, you know that I have a bazillion rules. I’m still learning how to hold boundaries for myself and because of that I am very upfront about what I do and what I don’t. (For example, “I don’t talk on the phone so never call me unless you’re on fire and I’m the closest person to you with water.” I hate talking on the phone. It’s such a time waster. I can text all day and still get work done, but I can’t multitask while on the phone. So I hate it when people call me, unless it’s important. But I digress….)

The people who make it into my very tiny inner circle are those who accept my rules without making me feel bad for having them. They respect my boundaries and appreciate me for who I am.

The awesome thing about being human is that not everyone will respect our boundaries. Yes, that’s sarcasm. I absolutely hate that fact. Especially family. They want what they want when they want it.

I learned early in life that it’s my job to do what people want me to if I want to avoid their negative energy and unpleasant emotional responses. I learned to be keen to their shifts in tone, facial expressions, and to feel obligated to change my behavior to restore them to a place of peace and joy. Regardless of how I was impacted, it was my job to make those around me happy, and keep them that way. If they were upset, it was my fault and I needed to fix it.

To this day, I am triggered (I know it’s an overused term but just flow with me) by the potential to upset somebody. I hold in my memory each time that I reacted, responded, and behaved other than they desired and how it affected their behavior. Not only do I hold in memory all of their moments, but of just about everyone I’ve interacted with as far back as I can remember. (I think this is the risk that we take by teaching our children that it’s their job to keep us happy, by using fear of punishment as our main parenting tool. But, again, I digress….)

I realized this morning that as a parent and in just about every other relationship I do all I can to keep everyone (except myself) happy. I wake up and hope my door is locked so that I can spend time in peace meditating before I allow the demands and requests into my space. I know that once I start entertaining the needs of others that I will push my own needs to the background. I am trying to stop doing that.

This morning I was awakened by an immediate request. I didn’t lock my door last night. And I was pissed, because: 1) I wake up naturally when my body feels rested. No one is supposed to wake me up unless it’s an emergency. 2) No one is supposed to speak to me before I talk to “God.” I meditate before I interact with anyone. It’s how I get to ensure my day starts with the right energy.

Within me I felt I was getting increasingly upset about how my rules hadn’t been followed, and I was certain this was going to tank my day. But somewhere within me I also felt a part of me telling me I had a choice. I didn’t have to let this tank my day. I could choose to maintain control of my emotions. I could choose to not let this external experience control my internal response.

It was then that the words “hold my peace” came to me. And for the first time, I heard those words differently. Being raised in church, I have heard “If I hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battles, victory shall be mine.” Maybe it’s a Scripture or a song, I just know I’ve heard it all my life.

I always viewed holding my peace as shutting my mouth—not saying something out of order when I got the opportunity. Like at a wedding when they say, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” I assumed it meant to shut up, when you really felt like saying something.

However, as those words came to me this morning, I heard it differently. I pictured my peace as a physical thing I can hold. Something fragile that if I didn’t hold it properly it could be knocked from my hands. I saw it as something important that I did not want to let hit the ground, something I needed to grip tightly.

I decided this morning to look at my peace this way from now on. To stop letting it be potentially “knocked out of my hands” by every human interaction. I have to grip my peace tightly and realize that it’s in my hands… and no one else’s. It’s my job to hold on to it. It’s my job to protect it. I get to maintain control of it, regardless of what happens around me. I get to choose how I respond, how I react, and how I let events impact me.

So does that mean I won’t still be triggered by things? No. But now I don’t have to follow the default setting and get upset. I can choose in the moment how I want to respond. I can ask myself, “How do I want to feel right now?,” and choose to feel that way. I can hold my peace regardless.

This is a new step of maturity for me. Needing everyone to follow all my rules in order to maintain my peace is exhausting. It puts my emotions outside of my control which daily seats me on an emotional rollercoaster.

Today, I decided to create a new habit. One moment, one decision at a time, I get to choose to hold on to my peace. Despite my previous habits of response, and the temptation to react, I choose to hold my peace like a newborn baby and not let anything get to it.

This is new for me and I know I won’t do it perfectly, but I am committed to creating a new habit. And I’m just going to use this simple question, “How do I want to feel right now?”

In the past, I used that question to get out of my head and out of emotions that weren’t serving me. I believe that all our emotions are important. However, I see them more like traffic signs than destinations. I’m not really big on sitting in them, although there is value in doing that intentionally, especially with the proper supports in place. I prefer to take a step back and notice the emotion I am experiencing. For example, “I am feeling angry so that means in some way one of my boundaries has been violated.” From there I can journal or meditate on how I want to respond to that awareness. And I get to go right back to, “How do I want to feel right now?” Then, I get to choose something I can do, or think about, that makes me feel that way. Maybe I can reminisce on a pleasant memory, go for a walk, or watch my favorite scene in my favorite movie. I can play my favorite song, do a five minute Google search of baby goats, whatever will make me feel the way I CHOOSE to feel. It’s really up to me. And it’s up to you.

We don’t have to let unpleasant external circumstances dictate how we feel. We can choose to hold our peace….

I hope that this helps you in some way. Our emotions have purpose but they don’t have to control our lives. I am learning how to be more at ease in my life, because I’ve been “high strung” for a really long time. I am prone to anxiety and frustration. And it’s exhausting! I’m over being on an emotional rollercoaster. I want to maintain more balance, and feel good most of the time. I realize that I have to be intentional about that. I believe the key to this is learning to hold my peace.

Setting boundaries is important, and maintaining those boundaries is also important. And we get to choose how we respond to life when our boundaries are crossed, and when life circumstances are not ideal. We get to ask ourselves at any given moment, “How do I want to feel right now?” And then we get to choose to behave or think in ways that help us feel that way.

We don’t have to be on an emotional roller coaster throughout our day. We can choose to hold our peace.

Blessings!

Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist

If you love this post, please it, then comment or share. You can read more of my inspirational blog posts and find ways to support my work on my website. Link in comments.

Did you love this post? Would you like to find ways to my work?
Check out my support page for numerous options.

Or tap the image below to send me a tip via BuyMeaCoffee.com You can send me $5 (or more) toward a cup of matcha.

Thanks so much for reading and for your support. Please share.