It’s nothing wrong with doing it my way. (Even as I wrote that I almost changed the words to “There’s nothing wrong” because of that one 🙄 person who’s going to read it and critique the wording. I find myself in my head editing for this imaginary critical person all the time. I constantly have to stop working because I can’t even hear my thoughts clearly over the “grammar rodeo” in my head….
And that’s what today is all about. I realize earlier that I am constantly comparing myself to other people…feeling inadequate and as an underachiever and as someone who can’t get it right do it right do it appropriately do it like everybody else is doing it, just get in line… when I was never meant to be like them and to do it like them.
Oh yesterday’s podcast that revealed that I received guidance from Source and how Chris so long I have tried to hide that and ignore that and just do what everybody else does and not follow intuition. To be honest, and I definitely didn’t see myself saying this today, I felt like I was cheating.
You know how in school if a classmate gives you the answers, you’re cheating and if others find out and they’ve been doing the work they’ll be mad at you because it’s not fair for you to win by getting the answers when they had to do it the hard way. Well for a good portion of my life…I’ll say at least since high school…I was very aware that I was receiving guidance from some higher source about things other people did on their own. It might be something like I was about to grab a t-shirt and something within me let me put on a long sleeve sweater. The weather outside the day previously had been warm so there was no need for me to grab something long sleeve but something within me just said grab the sweater or the turtleneck and I did it. I didn’t check the weather just got dressed grab my bag headed to the door walked outside and realized it was a bit chilly. I’d look up say thanks and go on my way.
Eventually I began to trust that Source to inform me on what to do and what to wear and things like that. I didn’t need to watch the weather I had the “inside scoop.” Then one day, I heard a minister that I really respected saying that some people are too spiritual. That you don’t need to pray and ask God what to wear. He made it seem utterly ridiculous. And since he was a minister that I really respected, it bothered me.
By being in the youngest in a household full of folks, I had grown used to ignoring my own voice. I would speak up thinking I knew what I was talking about and have older siblings or others make me feel really stupid for being so off the mark. I don’t think they were actually trying to make me feel stupid, it’s just that they didn’t care about not hurting my feelings as they corrected me and dramatic fashion. Having that happen so many times, probably coupled with the many times I got the question wrong or the problem wrong in school, caused me to feel like everyone knew but me. I began to second guess my thoughts and my opinions and even my intuition.
Long story shorter as much as I knew that I had this inside scoop, this inner voice that saved me time and effort, I stopped using it because it felt like I was doing it wrong. No one else needs that type of guidance so I can go through life like everybody else figuring things out and not using my inside scoop.
Well, the last decade or more has been quite difficult. I abandoned that inner voice and began to only tap into it occasionally. It still felt a little wrong to use, because everybody else figured it out. I am a grown up now I’m not supposed to get help is the story I kept telling myself… the flawed affirmation that I began to repeat.
Well, over the weekend I ended up tapping back into that inner voice. I was about to make a left turn onto a street where a really couldn’t see clearly and I just was too afraid to take that risk so I turned right. I figured I would just circle back around so I could be on my way but I realize that it was really hard to get back to where I was headed on any of the side streets after that right turn. Before I knew it I was way out of the way and I started to panic. (I shared the story on yesterday’s podcast.)
Anxious thoughts began to overwhelm me as I felt so out of sorts for being so out of the way I was supposed to be heading home and people were expecting me to be home soon and how is it going to affect my schedule and the plans for the day. Anxious thoughts were hitting me like rapid fire and I finally heard that in inner voice saying calm down I know the way. And I listened.
I remembered that this month is all about shifting, ” I am.” And who I am no longer goes into these anxious bouts. I can simply calm down and listen to inner guidance. And that’s what I did and it led me to realize that I had access to a lot of the things that I needed for the next day if I went in that direction and headed to the grocery store then I could return to my plans for later. I reminder myself that I am in control and that I’m not answering to anybody. I reminded myself that I don’t have to rush and that I will get there when I get there is another statement of who I currently am. And when anxiety crept back up after I was on my way to that later event…as I braced myself for criticism about arriving late… I reminded myself that I am not a person who cares about that anymore. I am going to do what I need to do and then get there when I get there and I’m not going to stress about it. That’s who I was that would do that and I am not her anymore.
On today’s podcast, I added to this awesome growth the idea that I can do it my way. I am not wrong for doing things in the ways that work for me. I no longer have to make life harder for myself so that I can feel like I’m doing it the hard way, like everybody else. I’ve struggled enough trying to not feel like I am cheating my way through life. AND I now accept that receiving intuition and following intuition is not cheating. It’s the right way… at least for me. I was never meant to make it on my own and to do it all on my own. Most of my successes if not all of them were as a result of tapping into that guidance and following it.
I don’t need everyone to agree with how I achieve my dreams. I’m done doing it the hard way. I’m going to rest when I feel guided to rest, I’m going to work when I feel guided to work, I’m going to do my own thing rather than be someone’s employee, I’m going to raise my child the way that makes sense for me, and I’m going to take those intuitive hints and allow my life to be so much easier. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s the way I’m wired. And I have absolutely no one to answer to but me.
Blessings!
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Check out today’s podcast above or via the links below!
Day 6 “I Am Not You” #IMAYBE Share & Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
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