Can I tell you a secret?
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a closet pessimist. I know! Gasp! Okay, that might not be the full truth. I believe in the possibilities for everyone… except myself.
I unfortunately gained a lot of…. conditioning over my lifetime to not believe that good things happen for me. I can believe for everyone, with ease. I can celebrate other people’s great fortune, with sincerity. I can see it for them and say, “Girl, you deserve that.” But if the same opportunities came to me, I’d say, “Man, I’m grateful and so blessed.” But the words, “I deserve it,” whew, those are hard words to say.
I was conditioned to believe that I only deserve what I worked hard for, and not just any kind of working hard. I had to work hard for it in specific ways…. like at a government job that pays a pension and benefits… at a job where you sweat and get your nails dirty…. in a high level position that you could only get by having a doctorate and decades of seniority.
I am shifting my beliefs this year because that crap has held me back because I am naturally driven toward purpose and ease. I don’t like doing anything that makes me sweat…. or get dirt under my finger nails. I hate working in an office setting, cubicles make me want to gag, and having someone dictate my schedule sends me running for the hills. I have too many ideas of my own to be someone’s employee. I’m just not wired that way. I have only once in my life worked for someone else more than 6 months. I just can’t. Ewww.
I had some real talks with myself over the last few days entering this year. And I have to let it be okay to not do it the way I was taught. I need both feet in entrepreneurship, and I have to believe I can succeed at it. It’s predestined. I need to let that be okay. I need to release people from their positions in my mind as more knowledgeable than me about how my life is to work. It’s time for me to take the top seat and allow guidance to fully guide me without the second thought.
I get to remove the beliefs about what other say will bring me success and follow my internal guidance. And you know what my internal guidance just reminded me? I looked up and saw these words on my wall, “Start expecting things to get better.” It’s such a simple statement, but it means so much more to me.
I get to let go of the beliefs that I can only succeed one way. I get to let go of the beliefs that, “Yeah, that worked for them because….” I get to say, “I don’t care if it offends you that I’ve got so much favor that when I want something I get it without having to work hard for it.” If I simply just drop that last belief—which I fully intend to this year—my whole life will be different.
I learned early in life that people don’t like it when you get preferential treatment. Teachers were nice to me, because I didn’t get in trouble. Classmates don’t like the “teacher’s pet.” I was just trying to avoid getting in trouble at home. But with each success, award, honor roll acknowledgment, and “Marlene, you’re in charge. Let me know if anyone’s talking,” I quickly learned that it’s not okay to have favor. When things are going better for you than those around you, people are jealous, offended, and mean.
All I’ve ever wanted was for people to like me, to treat me nicely, and see me as a good person. I spent my whole life doing all I could to ensure that was the case…. including batting away favorable opportunities and predestined blessings because I didn’t want to lose love. I didn’t want to be mistreated. I didn’t want people to say, “You don’t deserve that. I worked hard for it, and you didn’t.”
One of the most hurtful experiences of my life was when I graduated third and my best friend graduated 2nd. She was going to be the salutatorian (wow, shockingly I spelled that right), and I was so happy for her! I was doubly happy because we got to sit next to each other on stage. She, on the other hand, was not happy at all. She didn’t even want to speak to me when she found out. She was upset because she worked so hard to be second, and I didn’t even go up to look at the top 10 list because I was CERTAIN I wasn’t on it. I didn’t put forth any effort in school. I barely did homework. She would remind me every time tests were coming up or big projects were due. I would throw things together last minute and cram for tests the night before. She, on the other hand, did every assignment perfectly, studied all the time (even when there wasn’t a test coming), she did her homework, and probably extra credit. So when the announcement came, she was pissed that I came right behind her. She knew I didn’t try. That was hard for her to process.
After the fact, it was hard for me to process that my friend was unhappy for me. That accidentally succeeding could cause my dearest friend to be upset. I hated that feeling. And I’ve experienced that feeling so many times throughout my life. I think I decided at some point that it hurt to much to receive because people get mad when I get blessed….
Well…. those days are over. I’ve suffered long enough. Let ’em cry. I’m coming for all that’s mine and I’m telling you now, I have no intentions of working hard for any of it. I’m putting aligned actions, guidance, and intuition to work for me. Y’all just get ready for things to get reeeeeal good for me. Cheer with me or unfollow me…. or whatever works for you.
I’ve declared for myself that 2023 is “the year of miracles.” I’m allowing it all in. #sorrynotsorry Happy New Year!
Much love to you and thank you so much for your support and for reading my long blog posts. I just have to share it the way it flows through me. Bless you and yours!
Let’s expect it to get real good.
Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Co-Founder of SISTAMoms
Author/Designer/Illustrator I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!
Owner/Publisher/Author MDillon Designs & Publishing
#Udemy instructor of HealingOurFamilies: Healing the Parent-Child Relationship Check out the rest of my website to learn more about me. #linkinbio#sistamoms#Proud2BNaturalMe#talktomeandsee
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Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist is a single mom who lovingly shares her insights here for free. BuyMeACoffee offers readers a great way to support her work. You can securely send her a gift (a cup of matcha) as a thank you for this post. Simply tap the photo. Then, to the right of the screen, choose “Support” (to send her a one-time gift) or “Membership” (to give monthly). You can even add a thank you message! Blessings!