“I am exactly where I am meant to be. This is the trajectory of my life. I am on time.”
I received these words as I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks recording. I’ve listened to that recording at least a thousand times. Probably more. But for the first time I really heard this message.
I learned at a very young age to compare myself to those around me. If I wasn’t doing what they were doing, something was wrong with me. At least that’s the message I received.
It was just about two weeks ago that these words came to me and that belief I’ve held since I was at most 5 years old melted away. Based on my experiences, how I’m wired, how I learn, my motivations, the support I received or didn’t receive, traumas and triumphs, I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am not behind. I am on time… for MY life.
We all got here to do different things, have different experiences, have different likes, and to expand in different ways. The most damaging belief I’ve ever held in my life is that something is wrong with me if I’m not achieving at the same level as those around me. Since kindergarten I have been trying to “catch up,” because somebody told me I was behind.
I have spent my entire life feeling like the last one in the marathon, because I was told I was behind before I started the race. I’ve been dragging myself along, trying to appear as though I’m keeping up, when it feels like I’m running in place. I’m breaking a sweat, but in terms of progress by this society’s standards, at my age, I’m nowhere near where I’m supposed to be. I carried that heavy weight my entire life up until a few weeks ago when I heard these words.
Do you have any idea how freeing it is to realize it’s okay to get “there” when you get there? Do you have any idea the peace I felt when I realized that I have nothing to prove to anyone else? Can you imagine the weight it lifted to realize that I am exactly where I am meant to be? It’s like an elephant stepped off my shoulders.
Now, the tendency to feel that panic and angst about what I don’t have and what I haven’t yet achieved still creeps in. I mean, it is a habit. I’ve been doing it for DECADES. But now when that nagging little “catfish” voice comes up, I can soothe myself with these words. I get to calm myself knowing that this isn’t a race, it’s a journey. And we’re all headed to different destinations.
I’m not in competition with you and you’re not in competition with me. I celebrate your wins and see the possibilities for my own celebrations. I no longer need to look at where everyone else is and what they are doing and what they have and how they get to live and beat myself up internally for not being there, too. I get to look over, smile, and return to my own journey.
I’ll get where I’m going…. I’ll achieve my goals in time… But for now I am exactly where I am meant to be. This is the trajectory of my life. And I am on time.
It’s been a minute so let me reintroduce myself. I am Marlene Dillon (also known as Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist) and I.U.S.E. people. Inspire. Uplift. Support. Encourage.
Through my numerous products and offerings I do my part to create the world I want to see.
❤️ Through my online parenting course, I teach parents to communicate with their children in healthy ways, and how to recognize the verbal and nonverbal ways that we unintentionally create rifts with our children. My course, Healing Our Families: Healing the Parent-Child Relationship™ is highly rated by my students. If you’re struggling in your relationship with your child, tween, or teen, OR you want to ensure you maintain your currently great relationship, purchase my course today on #Udemy.
💜 Through my S.I.S.T.A.™ Girls #Empowerment talks, I teach young ladies (4th through 9th grades) to love themselves, to see their value, to believe in themselves, and make choices that support their dreams. If you are a teacher or administrator dealing with bullying, teasing, and have a group of young ladies that tend to get into trouble, I’d love to come and talk with them. These talks are always transformative. I mean girls apologizing to each other, hugging, and crying together, transformative. Download thebrochure to learn more.
💙 Through my brand I’m Proud to Be Natural Me!I empower children to love themselves and appreciate their natural beauty. My children’s book and products feature children of various skin tones with naturally curly hair to show our children that we are ALL beautiful. If you have children, grandchildren, nieces, or nephews with curly hair, if you are the parent of a multiracial child, or if you are a parent, teacher, daycare provider etc. who wants to bring more diverse books into your classroom, check out my brand and my children’s book I’m Proud to Be Natural Me! (Available on #Amazon) My personalized natural hair tees, gifts, and birthday party decor (in every shade from mocha to latte).
💚 Through my #blog and #podcast I empower readers and listeners to feel confident to do more, be more, and show up more in life. We all have experiences and beliefs that periodically get in the way of what we truly want. By sharing my personal journey and the epiphanies and shifts I’m making along the way, I help others to embark on their own personal development journey. My blog posts are available here on my Blog page. Although, now I typically post around every 10 days or so, for an extended period of time I was posting every single day. I have no set schedule, so it’s a good idea to follow/subscribe so you’ll receive an email when I post. You can also follow my Share and Let’s Live! podcast on #SoundCloud, Audible, Amazon Music, Substack, and Buy Me a Coffee!
🥳 Last, but not least, I have exciting news!!!! I am now accepting coaching clients! This has been a journey, but I have wanted to do this for a looooong time. I have been coaching and counseling people of all ages my whole life (literally since childhood). I even have a master’s degree in counseling. I have been the inbox coach to so many people for issues ranging from job dissatisfaction, to divorce, to overcoming the tragic loss of a child, and some of everything in between. I specialize in joining people in the uncomfortable space between where they are and where they want to be. I have a gift for it and I love empowering people to find their way to the other side. I also now offer inner child coaching! So check out my coaching page, if you would love to work with me. Let me join you on your journey. Visit my Coaching page here.
🤩 For a limited time, I am offering 30-minute inner child introductory coaching sessions for ONLY $50!!! If you’ve been curious about inner child work and want a guided tour into beginning to embrace your inner child, book an Inner Child Intro Session with me!
I hope this was helpful. Now, you know a little bit about who I am and what I do. There’s more, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. 😂
Have an amazing day, morning, afternoon, evening, and night! 🥰
There’s a Jamaican phrase, “Good friend better than pocket money.” I’m so grateful to have divine connections that support and expand me….
If you haven’t read my previous post, you may be wondering where I’ve been. The short version is that “they” locked my social media accounts. I just got back a few days ago. (I tell the full story in my most recent blog post, “What Happened to Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist?”
It’s funny because I actually wanted to take a 21-day fast from social media (as I typically do in January), but lately my engagement has increased so dramatically that I was afraid to step away. One thing I learned over the years is that they reward you for posting daily and penalize you for missing days. Their goal is to keep people in the app longer so if you post consistently for 30 days or more they begin to funnel viewers to your page. But if you miss just one day, you can lose your audience. I’ve had it happen before and it was so deflating because I was being so consistent (which is really challenging for me dealing with #ADHD). I missed a day or two and I immediately was getting zero likes and comments. Navigating social media was so frustrating until I met my amazing friend, sister, and SISTAMoms business partner, Yvonne Livingston. She’s a social media genius. She taught me so much last year that my engagement soared.
I was so happy to finally have eyes on my content. I know I have great things to offer and it’s exciting to have people watching, listening, and engaging. I didn’t know how I was going to back away and do my annual fast. I didn’t want to lose that engagement. I wanted to keep my traffic flowing.
I am aware of the addictive nature of these apps. That’s why I do my annual fast and periodically take breaks to reset when I find myself going straight to the apps automatically without thought. If you’ve never seen the #Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, make it a priority (and have your teens and tweens watch with you) because I was shocked at what I learned. I saw the impact personally, but when I watched that film (interviews of a group of former software engineers from the most well known social media companies—like the guy who designed the Like button sharing how they intentionally designed the apps to be incredibly addictive, and to mimic our mind’s natural needs for stimulation and a sense of accomplishment), I was floored. They use psychology to keep us constantly checking and scrolling. And it’s deeper than you think.
Despite watching this eye-opening film, I still fell prey to it because I was desperate. I’ve been working so hard at this business for so long without seeing results. I wasn’t connecting with my audience. I wasn’t making any money. After watching a million webinars and attending a bazillion free masterclasses, the takeaway was always that I need better content, I need to post on a regular basis, and that increasing social media engagement was the only way to ensure a successful business. So when I finally started being rewarded for my content and people who I don’t know organically began engaging with my work, I was all in. My engagement was up by over 1000%! And I’m not exaggerating. I was over here doing my version of Sally Field at the Academy Awards. “They like me. They really like me!” I was so happy. I was going to do what it took to keep that traffic flowing. I wasn’t even allowing myself to sleep until I shared some content on my page and replied to comments from that day. So can you imagine how conflicted I felt knowing at the height of my engagement it was time to back away for 21 days?!!!
I was trying to figure out how I was going to honor my intuition and need for connecting with my inner “higher self.” How was I going to distance myself… without really distancing myself?
Well… as they say, “God works in mysterious ways.” The Book decided I needed an empowerment hiatus and locked me down. I was locked out of my accounts for 21+ days. My personal page was disabled and although my @Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist page was still visible, I couldn’t access it. Many friends and supporters came looking for me and I found that out when I returned because people couldn’t send me messages. It was as if I just no longer existed. They took my presence away. It was hard, and I was hurt, because I love connecting with my people and I love the empowering work I do. I would never just leave my audience, at this point, without some type of message to say I was taking a break. So it was not voluntary. I didn’t block anyone (unless you did something to earn it. You know who you are. ). It was out of my control. I just got back a few days ago, and I’m so touched and grateful for all the messages welcoming me back. It is beautiful to see how many people noticed that I was gone and who truly appreciate my work. This experience has helped me to better recognize my value and to feel safe to begin to share more of my own content and focus more on sharing the messages I am here to share. I get to be more intentional with my content and stop catering to what I think the app wants me to do. Them telling me I share too much in other groups was a gift. No problem. I’ll share more of my own work in my own spaces. And as much as I hate email, Sunshine warned me this could happen, so I’ll be creating an email list so I don’t have to lose you again. When I post my blogs here, I also post them to my website. So if you want to ensure we stay connected, visit my website today and subscribe to my blog. You’ll be alerted each time I post. You can even send me a message from my website. I just put a link for that on my homepage.…
I missed y’all. I’m happy to be back. But you know I had to find a blessing in that time off. So let me tell you what I gained from the forced hiatus….
As you may recall, one of my favorite things to do is public speaking. I LOVE doing empowerment talks! However, due to extreme social anxiety, I have not been speaking publicly…. for years. The anxiety isn’t about the audience. I have no problem with public speaking. The anxiety is about booking… the selling myself part. That’s what terrifies me, and that’s what I’ve avoided doing for years. A little secret I’m going to share with you is that I only do speaking events I was invited to. I absolutely abhor and avoid cold calling like the plague. Speaking of plagues… I had just decided to press through this paralyzing fear and do it anyway right before the pandemic hit.
I am grateful to be blessed with phenomenal friends, with phenomenal callings, who provide me with phenomenal opportunities. I have friends who believe in me wholeheartedly—and I mean friends who believe in me more than I believe in myself.
Just prior to my unexpected social media hiatus, my dear friend Megan Barella—positive parenting coach and Happy Home Guide—invited me to speak to one of her private groups! And it was via Zoom! Okaaay… so, for me, video chat means booking-speaking-events-level anxiety.
However, one of the many things I love about Megan is that she honors my experience of life, while gently pushing me to do things she knows will expand my business. She offers empathy and acceptance, and allows me to show up in ways that feel safer for me. She agreed to let me come speak when I had enough time to panic and gather myself. She gave me a 3-week buffer. And I needed all of that time. She invited me to speak on a topic I’ve never taught to a group before. I’ve only coached people on it privately.
So my first time back speaking for an audience was during my hiatus and I got to teach on healing the inner child! It was such a beautiful experience. Her group was so warm and welcoming. I was amazed at how eagerly they engaged with the work and immediately began to connect with that part of them that so many of us don’t acknowledge. It reminded me why I love teaching and speaking to audiences. It reminded me of my gift for this and how powerful my talks always are. It reminded me that when I let go of the thoughts that interfere and focus on what I truly want to offer the world, that amazing things happen.
I am so grateful for Megan. I am so grateful for the warm reception from her group. And I am so grateful I said, “Yes.”
Inner child healing may seem super “woo woo” (unconventional and a bit spiritually odd) to you. I admittedly felt that way about it when I first heard of it. I didn’t understand it. I thought it was nonsense. I had no idea how powerful and helpful it’s been for so many people. However, after many years of hearing people talk of the benefits of healing their inner child, I finally hit enough rock bottom moments to get curious. I did a Google search, found a top rated book and Amazon and began my journey of learning. Now, I know for myself that inner child healing is legit and can be tremendously helpful for shifting beliefs that no longer serve us. I use it regularly and have made it a part of my daily life. I’ve been blessed to teach others and it’s helping them, too.
As a result of my speaking opportunity with Megan’s group, I am now offering inner child coaching! Currently, I am offering 30 minute intro sessions to help you get an understanding of how it works and begin the journey of connecting with your inner child!
If you’ve ever been curious about inner child work and think it may be helpful for you, I’d love to be your guide and support you on your journey. Sign up today for an Inner Child Intro Sessionwith me, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist!
That’s a great question. For the last few weeks, Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist has been silent on social media. It’s odd because she typically shares empowering posts every day, and publishes a blog post roughly once a week. However, for weeks her social media presence has been… absent.
So where did Marlene go? Why would she suddenly with no warning stop posting? Why did Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist go silent?
Simple. Facebook locked her account.
If you follow me on social media you know that my motto is “I.U.S.E. people. Inspire. Uplift. Support. Encourage/Empower.” That’s my standard for all my posts. They have to fall into one of those categories. And even when I write one of my venting posts, I warn you that I’m venting, and still try to find a way to make it empowering at least by the end.
Apparently Facebook is unaware of my intentions, as “they” started to flag random posts warning me for being inappropriate. Posts that said things like, “You deserve to be happy,” were getting taken down for going “against community standards.” Posts that could in no way be misconstrued as inappropriate—that I shared with my audience after being flagged and everyone commented on how confused on why I was being reprimanded. Then, on January 13, 2023, when I went to do my usual scrolling, I was met with the words, “Marlene, we locked your account. We take this step to keep your account safe when we detect unusual activity…. To protect you, your profile is not visible to people on Facebook and you can’t use your account.”
Apparently, the frequently mentioned “algorithms” (computerized processes and protocols programmed to decide if human posts are appropriate for social media) have chosen to incorrectly flag, block, and “jail” certain positive accounts for non-offenses—while spammers, hackers, and purveyors of hate, violence, and pornography get to post freely. I was pissed, and really sad.
The blocked me from doing what I love to do. It brings me joy to share uplifting content. It brings me peace to check on people when I read between the lines of their posts and wonder if they are truly okay. It makes me smile to share songs and stories and personal development practices with my friends via Messenger. I was blocked from from connecting in my way and that hurt.
I have friends all over the world who I connect with primarily via Messenger. it was just weeks prior that one of my business coach friends cautioned me about using Facebook exclusively for my business. She warned that I could lose all my contacts if the algorithm ever boxed me out. She was right. (I should’ve listened to her, but I hate email. Ewww!) I actually requested a download of all my content after her warning, but I didn’t follow up and make sure I received it. I didn’t make it urgent, because I didn’t see this coming…. well not so soon. (FYI – If you choose to do request your content, make sure you go back to download it. They don’t just email it to you in a huge ZIP file. You have to download it from Facebook within a certain time period after they tell you your files are ready or you have to make the request all over again. I digress.)
Like I said, they’ve been flagging me for non-offenses on and off for a while. That was annoying. When they put me on probation from running ads because I refused to show them my government ID, I waited them out. When they fully blocked me from running ads because I didn’t resolve the issue in a timely manner, I let that go. But when they not only locked me out of my account, but made my page invisible so people couldn’t even visit and check out old content, that hurt.
Honestly, it took me out emotionally for the first week and a half or so. I have old classmates and international friends that I connect with exclusively via Messenger. I have people I regularly check on because I know they’re going through hard times. I coach people via Messenger. My gratitude partner and I connect daily before bed to share what we’re grateful for each day. As an introvert, social media is my social life. I don’t go out. I spend quality time with my daughter, go grocery shopping, and buy gas so I can do it all over again.
Getting shut down by Facebook made me a legit recluse. I was devastated. I couldn’t even create content. I was coming off of one of the toughest years of my life and I just couldn’t take another blow. I couldn’t just keep going like usual. I had to sit and process life, slow down, and make peace with what happened….
So that’s where I’ve been. I took a woosah. Honestly, I still haven’t unlocked my account. They want me to show ID and all that and I don’t want to, but that’s the only way to unlock it, and I don’t want to lose all my connections…. Facebook hasn’t provided any specific reasons for locking my account, but one interesting thing a friend noted is that, including me, she knows only three people who’ve had locked accounts. All three are empowering, Black female coaches.
Now, let’s get to the empowerment….
Two core beliefs I’ve adopted over the last few years, are “things happens for me, not to me,” and “all things work together for good.” These beliefs have helped me navigate this time. Although it’s been hard not being able to connect in the ways I’m used to, I chose to look for the blessings in this situation. And it’s pushed me to grow and evolve. As much as I don’t enjoy email, maybe I will find a way to maintain my audience with a low maintenance email list. I know for sure, I’m gathering contact info for the people I don’t want to accidentally lose again.
I learned from this. No outside entity should be able to shut down my work and my whole network with one unexpected move. This irritating experience has helped me to recognize a problem in my current setup that I need to rectify immediately. Sometimes unexpected calamities help us make better choices moving forward. Some people say to make lemonade from lemons. I choose to look for the blessings in every situation.
When life throws us challenges, it’s normal, and natural, to have human reactions. Some things take us a while to overcome, while others may take a lifetime. For me, I find it empowering to give myself a minute to process, then I look for the blessings. That habit didn’t come easy. It’s a practice. I really struggled with being grateful and positive when it came to my own life. I can easily find the silver lining in other people’s situations. This is how my daily gratitude practice began. My friend and I decided that we would start small, and find just one thing in our entire day to be grateful for and share it with each other. We’ve been doing it for years, now. That small practice got me in the habit of looking for blessings in my day.
So now, when things go wrong, I have my human reactions, then, I pause and look for the blessings. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. I still look for the blessings. When the toxic relationship with my ex ended, I wasn’t excited. I was hurt. I thought we’d be together forever. After a few days of processing, it still hurt, but I began to see how much worse our relationship would’ve gotten over time. And I realized I was blessed it was over. I still had hurt to process, but it was a blessing to know I was free. When my Mom got really sick—and I mean, ICU “Is she going to make it?” sick—I was confused and devastated. Then, I was grateful for my friend who advised me to call the ambulance. I was grateful for the kind nurses who treated her respectfully, and treated us with kindness. I was grateful for the bouquet of artificial flowers I made for her that brought her so much joy (since real flowers aren’t allowed in the Intensive Care Unit of many hospitals). And when my dear friend was tragically killed and her kids went to live with their dad, it took me a while to find blessings. However, in time I heard stories of their faith and positivity, and how they made peace with her passing, on a level that still baffles me. Their serenity, despite all that was going on, blessed me….
Life can throw us some unexpected blows, and we get to feel how we feel. We get to process. And then, we get to look for the blessings.
I was so happy. I was going to do what it took to keep that traffic flowing. I wasn’t even allowing myself to sleep until I shared some content on my page and replied to comments from that day. So can you imagine how conflicted I felt knowing at the height of my engagement it was time to back away for 21 days?!!!
The anxiety isn’t about the audience. I have no problem with public speaking. The anxiety is about booking… the selling myself part. That’s what terrifies me, and that’s what I’ve avoided doing for years. A little secret I’m going to share with you is that I only do speaking events I was invited to. 
I absolutely abhor and avoid cold calling like the plague. Speaking of plagues… I had just decided to press through this paralyzing fear and do it anyway right before the pandemic hit. 
And it was via Zoom! 
Okaaay… so, for me, video chat means booking-speaking-events-level anxiety.
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